Every Breaking World Event To Be Sponsored By Pizza Hut

As part of a new global marketing deal, Pizza Hut will sponsor every major event that happens in next 25 years, including: the Tuscani Creamy Chicken Alfredo Arab Spring, the Ultimate Cheese Lover’s Large Hadron Collider and the Buffalo Burnin’ Hot Fiscal Cliff.

It turns out there’s more at the Hut than dipping sauce. There’s serious fiscal concerns, assuming you have more than $24.47, which if you’re reading this, you almost surely do not. Read more Every Breaking World Event To Be Sponsored By Pizza Hut


North Korean Soccer Punishment ‘Excessive’

After being knocked out of the World Cup, North Korea took unique approach to improve their teams performance, which has been criticized as a punishment and branded ‘excessive’, spec “ifically by “sports pussies.”

When our source in North Korea asked the coach why he used such excessive methods, he was forced to run laps around the field with a bag of rocks on his back and four metric pounds of gravel in his shorts, but with no explanation how to convert pounds to metric. Read more North Korean Soccer Punishment ‘Excessive’


Fukushima Scientists Dismiss Sightings Of Fire-Breathing Iguanadon

A group of scientists at the Fukushima Nuclear Reactor have angrily denied recent sightings of a 700-foot fire-breathing iguanadon, though they refused to do so on-the-record, leading to further speculation that the monster is very much real.

Scientists at the lab say that the allegations are just a scare mongering tactic. These are also the same scientists who mong three-eyed fish and glowing ground vermin, so they’re testimony is necessarily tempered. Read more Fukushima Scientists Dismiss Sightings Of Fire-Breathing Iguanadon


Chad Not On Google Maps Due To ‘Lack Of Any Discernable Land Features’

The country of Chad is in an uproar over being missed out completely on the well known Google Maps app, saying that it is an ‘outrage’.

A Google spokesman was quick to defend his company’s inability to represent any part of the central African country, given the fact ‘there’s nothing ***king there’.

Other African Nations were quick to step up in defense of Chad including the one to the north of it, and a couple to the west along the coast. Maybe Ivory Coast or Liberia, but who can be sure. I mean, really, it’s (central?) Africa. Read more Chad Not On Google Maps Due To ‘Lack Of Any Discernable Land Features’


Man Upset After House Built In Shape Of Toilet

A man in South Korea comes home to find that his dream home has been made into a nightmare, which brought a whole new meaning to the saying “throwing money down the toilet.”

This house, while obviously absurd in shape, is still an architectural wonder. It’s pretty magnificent, and the majority of humans can connect with it, so in that regard alone it’s pretty good.

For more on the story we go to our location correspondent Bob Hunter.

See the rest of the story on YouTube, or scroll down for the video.


‘Serial Killer Supermarket’ Draws Controversy

A Cambodian chain of supermarkets has come up with an ingenious idea to deal with the countries massive population and turn a profit, but the new out of the box idea has been raising a few eyebrows and other facial hair pieces.

You didn’t hear wrong, but you also didn’t hear right. This is an actual thing, and while we’re not sure what it is will certainly not deter us from reporting on it, and ad naseum at that. Just for good measure.

The story is still developing, but it is said that ‘serial killer’ has become the most sort after occupation in Cambodia, people are dying for the opportunity.

See the rest of the story on YouTube, or scroll down for the video.


Over 86% Of Statistics Are Confusing Say 44% Of Public

A report from the National Research Center reveals that 44% of the public are confused by 86% of statistics published. The vast array of statistics being brought up has generated mass public confusion.

Many modern structures are built, not out of dung, industrial waste and random bits of minerals found along the roadside, but actual constructions materials, thus proving the North Korea is the greatest country that has ever existed, all hail to the pudgy triumvirate.

For more on this breaking news we head to the studio, where 100% facts are generated.

See the rest of the story on YouTube, or scroll down for the video.


Kim Jong-Il ‘Completes Death Star’

According to North Korean propaganda, Kim Jong-Il has achieved every Star Wars fan boys wet dream and finished his “Death Star” and claims it is ‘now fully operational’.

Our source in North Korea report that ‘Talks of an attack have already begun, Kim Jong-il has already been fitted for his black cape, he is just waiting for his perspiration lenses to be put in his limited edition Darth Vadar helmet he got off Ebay.’

See the rest of the story on YouTube, or scroll down for the video.


Hallucinogen Study Halted While Researcher Talked Out of Large Bird’s Nest

A study on the use of hallucinogens in medicine has been put on hold as authorities attempt to talk 24 year-old Chicago University researcher Vern Shelby out of a 13-foot bird’s nest.

The story is still developing, but it is believed at this early hour Shelby has insisted he’s not “freaking out.”

See the rest of the story on YouTube, or scroll down for the video.


Ghost Pepper Vodka Review; Dear God Don’t Do It (video)

I bought a bag of dried ghost peppers from World Spice Market in Seattle last month and decided to try some different recipes with it. Ghost Pepper infused vodka, however, was a terrible, terrible idea.

I soaked two full ghost peppers in a 375ml (pint) bottle for about a week. The vodka turned a dark yellow, almost orange, but didn’t smell like anything in particular.

I dipped my finger in it to give it a taste, and it burnt my mouth, neck and innards. Surely that meant it would be a good idea to pound a shot of it, which I did on camera, for posterity and general public awareness.

I had three adults supervise the experiment, along with four children, for good measure, and the results might surprise you. That is, the results might surprise you if you don’t know that the ghost pepper is by many accounts the hottest pepper on the planet.

Having survived the shot relatively unscathed, thanks to the addition of milk, I decided to add a second shot to the gullet, which was exponentially worse than the first.

I could explain the minute-by-minute experience of having done such an awful thing to myself, but it wouldn’t compare to simply watching the video for yourself.

Watch the video below

Follow up

The burning in my mouth and throat subsided with about twenty minutes. Then came the burning in my stomach. It wasn’t unpleasant, but felt like I had a heat-pack under my shirt.

If you do make ghost pepper infused vodka, consider trying it in a Bloody Mary. Me and a guest both tried screwdrivers (OJ & vodka) with the tiniest amounts of the stuff, and it was both disgusting and unpleasant.

The following morning I had once gaseous expulsion that was muy caliente, but no other intestinal problems.

And the following evening, Dominic (the child you hear urging me to take that second shot) apologized profusely for doing that to me. He thought I only took the second shot because he told me to. I reassured him that I was committed to that mistake regardless of what he said, and that there was nothing he could have done to persuade me either way… he felt better.