NRA Buys Chinese Knife Companies To Corner Mass Murder Market In Mainland China

The NRA, in a startling move, has bought up several mainland Chinese knife firms to encourage their nationals use of guns rather than knives.

China has recently suffered a number of knife attacks at train stations and other public places that have been horrific in nature and resulted in terrible injuries and deaths.

Some of the attacks perpetrated by deranged individuals have been on school children and people merely waiting for a train. On one occasion members of a Muslim separatist group attacked people at a remote railway station resulting in several deaths.

The NRA has bought up the knife firms in an effort to change the Chinese tendency for knives to that of guns as the weapon of choice for mayhem.

“This is a terribly ineffective way of mass murder. Using a knife is slower, messier and requires too much exertion.” stated NRA lobbyist Frank Lee Kiljoyfuly.

“As we have seen here in America guns, especially assault rifles, give you much more bang for the buck. These slant-eyes waste so much energy with knives whereas a good gun can cut down five times as many people in a quarter of the time. If they want to keep on being a big contender on the international scene then they need to get with it and update themselves when it comes to weapons of destruction of the masses.”

The NRA has already begun converting some of the knife factories over to gun manufacture. This has some Chinese officials worried that a higher proliferation of available guns will result in the sort of mass violence that they see in American society.

“We already have our lawyers working to stop this.” stated Frank bluntly. “We have to get these chinks conditioned to dealing with bullets and gunsights instead of all this Kung Fu b.s. They need to start using guns like real men do.”

The NRA plan is to get the Chinese weaned on small arms, then work them up to using assault rifles and bazookas.

When asked about the increase in murders this might cause in China Mr. Kiljoyfuly said “Ahh, they got too many people here anyway. This will help ease their population explosion. Hey…..what sort of a question was that anyway? Are you some sort of liberal news reporter?”

At this point he pulled out a magnum and shot the toes of my right foot off, killing two innocent bystanders nearby. To this he commented “There, now there are two less of the gooks!”

He never did apologize for shooting my toes off. He just walked away with a satisfied smile on his face.