Cairo, Egypt – (SatireWorld.com)
Egyptian authorities have begun the process of building the fourth Pyramid of Giza in order to aleviate the severe unemployment problem that has plagued the country since 2,000 BC.
The Egyptian Department of Slave Labor sources have revealed that up to 4 million laborers will be needed to haul cut stone from the ancient quarry located 30 miles from the building site in time to celebrate the new constitution and subsequent free elections.
PHOTO INSERT: Actor and Tut wannabee Steve Martin has been selected to lead the star-studded grand opening with his famous ‘King Tut’ song”
State Antiquities Director Dr. Zahi Hawass claims the new pyramid will be energy efficiently ‘green’ and will be paid for by Washington from the left-over bailout monies put aside by the then fully Democratic Congress in early 2009.
Dusting off old papyrus blueprints, newly drawn revisions show in detail that the new pyramid will be the biggest one yet to be built in Egypt since 5000 BC.
“Slave labor will be more productive thanks to a healthy diet plan given to our government by a grant from New York City’s Department of Nutrition and the help of several dieticans send over by Mayor Bloomberg….No 24 oz big gulps here, ” claims Mohammed Fazi, the govermnent’s head labor boss who was tasked with the thankless job of recruiting volunteer Jews from nearby Israel.
Jewish sources say his attempts at recruitment were met with scorn and several tank shells fired the direction of his Sinai recruitment tent.
Antiquities Director Dr. Zahi Hawass says tourists will love the new look and his government promises it will have modern ammenities this time. A Taco Bell, Six McDonalds, Camels-R-Us rentals, a Trump casino/hotel and gift shop, plus a US-based Hooters Wing House and Clam Bar. All vendors have promised to support the project in exchange for concessions located in the fully air conditioned mall adjacent to the finished structure.
Expected to be completed in time for the first free Egyptian elections, a star-studded cast has been assembled to give a global televised grand opening salute to the Egyptian people. Scheduled and headlining the event is Lady Gaga who will dress as Cleopatra, and American funnyman Steve Martin who will give his famous ‘King Tut’ song and dance:
Now when he was a young man he never thought he’d see (King Tut)
People stand in line to see the boy king (King Tut)
How’d you get so funky (funky Tut)
Then you’d do the monkey
(Born in Arizona moved to Babylonia… King Tut)
Now if I’d known the line would form to see him (King Tut)
I’d take up all my money and buy me a museum (King Tut)
Buried with a donkey (funky Tut)
He’s my favorite honky
(Born in Arizona moved to Babylonia… King Tut)
Dancing by the Nile
Ladies loved the style (waltzing Tut)
Rocking for a mile (walking Tut)
He ate a crockodile
He gave his life for tourism
Golden idol
He’s an Egyptian!
They’re selling you
Now when I die now don’t think I’m a nut
Don’t want no fancy funeral just one like old King Tut (King Tut)
He coulda won a grammy (King Tut)
Buried in his jammies
(Born in Arizona moved to Babylonia
Born in Arizona got a condo made of stone-a (sic) King Tut)
Former president Bill Clinton at first signed on as the offical MC for the entertainment portion of the show, but reluctantly backed out at the last minute citing a ‘conflicting schedule.’ Sources say the famously near-sighted ex-president first thought the invitation was for a King Tit Extravaganza, but once aides explained the event Clinton graciously backed out with a promise that no one tell Hillary.
More as we get it.
EDITOR’S UPDATE:
We probably need something about the amazing architectural finesse of Trump Tower and the Clinton mansions. Anyone biting? Check the submissions box at the top of the homepage!
Hey, maybe if they all had a job they’d keep off the streets.
Perfect timing! Maybe you can be the direct cause of a few more people getting killed in the mid-east.