JUBA – The UN has officially confirmed that it has received a name change request from the freshly governing government of the Republic of South Sudan.
South Sudanese President Salva Kiir Mayardit has long expressed regret over what he views as the “hasty decision” regarding the country’s name.
NOTE: This story is political satire and is not rooted in fact. There are many comments posted that make this mistake. This is political commentary only.
“We were so focused on following the principles of national self-determination, negotiating a peaceful separation, working for economic stability and protecting human rights that we forgot to come up with a good name.”
The secretary general of the East African Community, Dr. Richard Sezibera, attempted to reassure the South Sudanese government last week during a visit to the South Sudanese Capital, Juba. Sezibera applauded Republic of South Sudan for its great achievements over the past year, but President Kiir was largely unmoved, grumbling, “Yes, yes, but peaceful relations, a strong economy, a robust democratic system; these are all things you can fix later. But with a name you’ve got one shot. And we blew it.
President Kiir later added, “And whose wise idea was it to throw ‘Republic of’ on the front? That’s real original, boys.”
President Kiir has since caused a national scandal by publicly revealing the – strictly confidential – other names that were considered, among which were Nile Republic, Cush, Sudan 2.0, Land-o-lakes, and Death Star III. He has also freely voiced his opinion on many of them.
“Nile Republic? That sounds nice. But Egypt already calls itself the Nile Republic, and after their revolution, we respect that title. Cush? I like the snappiness, but what do we call ourselves? Cushians?”
Vice President Riek Machar fully supports the president’s views. “In retrospect, it’s clear to me that the primary goal in the secession process was separating from Sudan. But ‘Republic of South Sudan’ is just one word different from ‘Republic of Sudan’, which is exactly the name of the country we were trying to separate from. This is ironic.”
“Also”, added Vice President Riek “‘Sudan’ is just a corruption of the Arabic word as-sooda, which means ‘blacks’.”
Whereas Kiir’s laments centered on the aesthetic, Riek worries more about the political ramifications of the name. “Historically, when a smaller chunk of a state separates from the main part, interesting developments stop taking place in the smaller chunk. Consider West Virginia breaking off from Virginia. Do you ever hear about West Virginia?”
The UN has welcomed the name change request with surprising grace. According to Deputy UN Secretary General Asha-Rose Mtengeti Migiro, “It’s actually not that big of a deal. We charge them $27,910 for the application and then all we have to do is change that little name plate you see on the table in front of the diplomat. That’s it. Sure, me and Bang-ki will probably call on them with the wrong name for the first few days, but that’s it.
But the move to change the name is not without inherent risks. “Historically,” explains Migiro, “when a nation expresses a desire to change its name, that can be a sign of other changes as well. For example, Sudan – excuse me, South Sudan – has started talking about moving their capital from Juba to Ramciel. And now they want to bring Swahili into the schools. Hakuna matata?”
Migrio’s analysis certainly has historic precedent. When the 13 Colonies of America changed their name to “The United States of America”, they entered a state of being united. When Persia changed its name to Iran, it experienced a severe crash in its rug industry alongside a boom in its signature radioactive product (Iranium). And every time Burma changes to Myanmar changes to Burma, no one feels like anything in the country is becoming more stable or predictable.
The extent to which the name will change remains uncertain. Several experts are betting on an African-sounding palindromic gambit (“Nadus Htuos fo Cilbuper”), while others foresee a more minimalist approach that emphasizes the separation from Sudan (“Republic of South”). Either way, If the UN receives all necessary documents on schedule, the name change could become official before the end of the decade.
NOTE: This story is political satire and is not rooted in fact. There are many comments posted that make this mistake. This is political commentary only.
Kush kush kush kush kush is the best united kush….best
I fully suport the name change but I am not happy with the above selected names. If we really want to come out as a free country that could do what they want in their teritory then I personally suggest to use one of our local languages to name the country. Like I supose, " Republic of Nhomlaau", Republic of Pancol, and many more. Why are we rotating with foreign languages to name our country.
there are economic consequences that come along with the country's name change however, for that reason Sudan isn't willing or will not change the name any sooner while they are the ones who should have changed the name to North Sudan, on the other hand it would have been far decent if south sudan reconsidered name change right before independence to avoid long process and like many out there I would have been more comfortable with the name 'Cush', a unique name that would entitle south Sudanese to be known as ''Cushites, Cushians, Chushes' or whatever the name, lol.
good idea, many keep thinking of change if fall into power. very great if put into considrartion now.
cush sound great.
Nah, just a joke. Excellent article.
Is this real?
Mr. President become crazy, you better make improvement on the economy, corruption, infrastructure, education, welfare, sharp combines, in the country instead of rushing of change of name. Corruption in-debt 80% n you sleeping after beer which will never improving anything in the country. Please! everything is costive, if you have those money you want to change the country name, you better help people’s who in the street now, who doesn’t have anything to built houses, taking children to school etc….. To called The Republic of South Sudan mean everything to me, and i wouldn’t be ashamed.
Proud to be S.S
Abuk Becky
its a good idea,but i think it may cost us more then the application fee.
Well, you wanted comments……..
Commenters, please note that this story is NOT REAL. I have posted a disclaimer in the body of the story (twice) to hopefully clear up this misunderstanding.
Mr president.there is no need of changing the name right now,first of all most of the population are still need food,the 27,910 that you guys want to use for the name,it is better to feed half of the population.think well be for you change the name and the population have to unit.thanks God blessing you.
mr. president, with due respect. wat r u upto with all dis nonsense? pliz if u guys got no better name for us then i suggest public consultation not coming up with wrong names. change warrap to kuacjok state b4 anything else. better be called failed state rather rhan dose useless names such as nile.
Let there be no arguement on the name to be changed, we are already an independent South Sudanese and we would therefore need to focus on developement not any other issue which was not among the agenda of our struggling in that long war. We are not also supposed to accuse our leaders for nothing, we better just contribute our ideas so that we can reach the truth than expqessing all those false accusations which will not take us anywhere. They know everything and that is why there is the Republic of South Sudan. By John Tier
The name change from the “Republic of South Sudan” to Kush, Nile or any other name is not a priority at the moment. What the youngest Rebulic on the glob needs, is self-confidence and the leadership commitment to set a sound foundation stone to “building our nation for all of us, away from triblism.”
The first one year,”9 July 2011 to 9 July 2012,” has seen and witnessed unprecedented decline and failures of the government on many administrative issues.
Among these issues are:Political in terms of internal harmony among South Sudanese-the way they fought the long war (1955 to 2005) and the vote on the referendum,expressing their right to be free and, respect for democracy and human rights-security breakdown in the States, social breakdown in terms of essential services, such as food availability, education, healthcare, sanitation and provision of clean water. The economic breakdown, specifically, the closure of the main source of revenue-petroleum exportation through Sudan. These are few but could be the most urgent priorities of any responsible government on earth.
My advise to the leadership of the Republic of South Sudan and the writer of this report is that, this proposal, if really reasonable, could be suggested to the National Constitutional Review Commission-now empowered to make new constitution for the Republic.
Nothing urgent about the name change. When we united and liberated South Sudan, the South was our-word-commitment, and not Cush or Nile valley. the two are larger territories-from east/centre Africa to the north of the continent. We have to take history by its own facts and not by imagination of “who you are.”
Mr president, this is good time to learn for your repeating mistakes for example 1) you have embarrass this country by writing a letter of apology to Obama in validation of supports to sudanses rebels 2) you sent a letter to 75 corrupt official in the country 3) invasion to panthou with no benefits but to proof your false announcement publicly that panthou was captured by country army 4) lows independent generals in the army to contest for election 5) proposed the name change of country. You are not fit for country presidency just step down and allow southern sudanses to rule themselves.
this is a complete waste of time and a stupid idea,with all the unacomplished missions and promises is this the problems our leaders are searching solutions for? the names given are idiotic. sudan 2.0, death star 111, are this movies? please lets not make a joke of our nation. the millions of dollars that will be put to this can be used elsewhere, the economy if farely determined and evalluated the country will be far under the red line(danger zone). we have more serious things to invest on.
After all the word sudan discribes us the black skinned, lets own it.
let us put priorities first others stupid ideas will come,we dont have the luxury to accomodate such issues now.
Mr.President i swear by my head if not that iam in the church now, i would sy somehing bad.what i wrong with your government? you can not provide for people the basic necssity.have u complted workng on corruption.that idea is useless.
thanks
lagu benson moja
juba
mr President! what is wrong with the name to change, the name republic of south sudan is good like any other countiries,e.g south africa, south korea and south america and etc.
Thank
Alfred Ojura
Juba
This application is a waste of resources, in my opinion. What is in a name after all? South Sudan will remain a historical reminder to the posterity in millennial times ahead that there was an interesting connection which needs discovery. If the UN accepts this application, repercussions go beyond the cost of $27,910 to the UN. Citizens will have to pay the local/international agencies to change all labels on everything including Republic of South Sudan on our IDs, Passports,emblems, constitution, etc. Let’s learn to admire ourselves as South Sudanese. After all name is just name.
That is not our priority Mr.President!. First of all, we need services such Medicines, food, proper education, water, power and employments.
This sounds useless: jumping to hole leaving another umcomplete !.
Thank you Mr. President for your wise leadership by listening to the right proposals.
Ohisio John
Eastern Equatoria
This move will confirm the success of the great people of Nilotic who voted overwhelmingly for the independence of their region. They deserve a better title for their country and their languages must be devolving as basic significantly, no for taking Swahili.
Good idea. Awesome writing. Like the matter-of-fact, newsy tone. Keep it up!