Tokyo, 730am. The global community was reeling in shock today after multiple disasters struck the Tohoku region of Japan in the North West Pacific Ocean. An earthquake followed by a tsunami, followed by a nuclear meltdown. As local Tohoku farmer Tonka Asahi put it, “We Nippon used to tsunami and earthcrake and radiation. But all thlee at once? Give us a blake!”
Indeed, as the Japanese survivors emerged from the rubble and scurried for high ground, low ground or whatever ground would save their skin, a mixed response has been expressed across the Pacific, ranging from emotional sympathy to unreserved optimism.
“This has been a humanitarian tragedy,” said Al Gore, who added that “we must remember that a deficit of ten thousand Japanese in a highly industrialized region will reduce carbon emissions for the 2011 calendar year by approximately fifty thousand tonnes!”
A Bank of Tokyo official was upbeat, suggesting insurance losses to the disaster would be offset by a reduced amount of traffic accidents in subsequent years.
Former World War Two Prisoner of War Alf Somers added his condolences. “This is a tragic loss of enemy life. I feel so powerless to help. I’m getting too old to build railway tracks at gunpoint in 100 degree heat with malaria.”
Sarah Palin entered the mix by claiming she was horrified and “could actually see the tsunami from her house.”
”If the world can get behind the people of Obi Wan Kenobi, the citizens of our second largest trading partner, they can have their lives returned to some form of normality in say, 50 years time. You know. Like Americans after that Katrina thingy.”
Stefing. 911 was horrible. People did it. I make fun of people. I’m sorry. It’s how I deal with shit.
I look forward to your “funny” article taking the piss out of the victims of 9/11.
I remember a time when you had to pay to get into an exclusive club like that, Rfreed.
Bastard!
Now the secret police will get us both!
I hope you like listening to obnoxious, loud acid rock for hours while shackled in a stress position!
Good thing we aren’t Libyans in Libya.
“Hey Kilroy? You still hate America and is actively engaged in a Liberal conspiracy to destroy our country, right?”
LT-Sure. A man’s gotta have a hobby!
Sorry, Rfreed. The slick devil tricked me into replying.
Quick editors note here – irradiated moles are a very real concern. Check your Japanascifi if you don’t believe me, it’s well documented.
Don’t tell him Kilroy!
He’s a mole!
Yeah Kilroy, I’m no braggart. However I did recently sign a very lucrative deal with AOL; they now have exclusive rights to my belly button lint…
I’m no brilliant satirist. Just a Conservative Christian member of the smartass club. The story went wrong, unless it’s aiming somewhere WAY over my bald head.
“UN Urges Charlie Sheen to cancel plans to move to Japan” might’ve worked. It’s all about tone really.
Hey Kilroy? You still hate America and is actively engaged in a Liberal conspiracy to destroy our country, right?
Interestingly insightful LT.
“It’s not what he said Marge, it’s how he said it!”
In writing, it’s always “how you say it”. Else, you don’t. And Flanders has the “gig” of saying the nicest things, which is what makes Homer’s perspective…funny. If he said that about Apu, it would just be suspect.
Actually I thought the ‘reduced number of traffic accidents in future’ was objectively a pretty good gag.
The Gore & Palin bits were stock footage.
The WW2 vet’s take though, that was kind of inspired.
Coolie-speak was first indication to me, the author was driving straight into the rubble instead of glancing blow. By design or
clumsiness, I dunno.
My style, if I’m going to write satire with some tragedy as framework, is to get out of there FAST. The story can’t stand in the rubble. It has to go somewhere bizzarely unexpected and REAL quick.
No offense to the author of course. I’d never ask a satirist to walk on eggshells. I’m just sayin’ every pice of writing is a product, with intended audience and desired effect.
I’m not criticizing the author; I’m examining the product.
Nothing anti-whale Brian. I love their blubber.
Nothing anti-whale, Scott? Well that’s a relief!
Dissect at will.
It’s scrambled but you won’t find anything racist, sexist or anti-whale in there.
I like the “Pretense to offense” conspiracy theory. Reminds me of Homer Simpson babbling about Ned Flanders: “It’s not what he said Marge, it’s how he said it!” M: “Well how did he say it?” (insert blank space)
I get mixed feelings on the article.
The picture was great.
JD’s comments seem to hit a bulls eye on satirizing.
I’m not into dissecting someone else’s piece, and I’ll only criticize if it’s blatantly awful, which this isn’t, as I actually laughed at the “seemingly” cheap shot at Japanspeak. But here are my three cents:
Poor/Mediocre Satire uses toilet humor in place of wit (see all Hollywood comedies of the last several years)
Good Satire amuses and makes on think more deeply about an issue.
Great Satire is almost indistinguishable from the truth.
There you have it, for what it’s worth.
I may be wrong but I think this was intentionally sophmoric. A pretense of offense. In that vein, I think it’s shrewd. But a satire piece without chuckles is like a pie without sugar. Except for mincemeat…sugar doesn’t help that.
Well, glad to see everybody taking an active role in discussing this… naw, just kidding, I’m glad to see LT liked my whale of a tale.
I do want to take the opportunity to tell you Scott that although I am a bit harsh in my criticism, it is only my thoughts and not those of anyone else. I would like to see some more of your writing on Glossy and see if I ‘get’ what you’re trying to say. I sincerely wish you the best.
Hilarious piece of (dark) humour Scott 🙂 Turn a cry into a giggle I say. Fitting pic too. This whole mess makes Godzilla look gentle.
Ps why is everything and everyone branded racist nowadays? The harmonious multicultural melting pot that is Japan would be scratching its head in disbelief. Seriously though, I hope they get through this somehow.
Yeah, I readed that in your author profile Scott.
Seriously Liberties? I’ve got two large complaints on this one and one little one. I’ll start with the little one. You don’t write captions in all caps. I learned that early on. As for the actual article…making fun of the way Japanese people talk? Immature. And finally, the fact that this writer used the disaster to show his obvious distaste for the Japanese race and have the nerve to categorize it as satire? Wonder what he’s wishing on whom next.
While I don’t think what I’ve done is analyze so much as outwardly criticize, I’d love to have your thoughts l-t. To be fair, I’ve had a hard time with all the ‘satire’ I’ve read immediately following the quake and don’t know if it is a writer’s way of dealing with such a horrific event or if it is a cheap way to garner attention.
Well Beckert, help me analyze this one?
To me, Mr. White’s whaling fleet article is sublime, in that it drew such outrageous comments. There are people so profoundly confused, they fully equate (and sometimes elevate) animal life with human life value.
Easy gag on that is college girl who’s had 3 abortions but won’t eat
tuna, cause the process kills some dolphins…
So I’d say Mr. White’s article was respectful, yet very useful in best sense of Swiftian satire.
But this article? I’d call it very inappropriate launchpad for maybe two good gags. Help me analyze this one Beckert?
Please donate to the 2011 Japan disaster appeal and help these nuclear catastrophes get as much mainstream media attention as Charlie Sheen’s own personal meltdowns.
http://www.redcross.org.au/japan2011.htm
Also, let’s get those nuclear reactors off fault lines.
Sensitively.
Scott.
Sorry to see Glossy sink to this level. In my opinion, this story not only lacks a sensitivity for what the people of Japan are enduring, it actually mocks those suffering. Shame.