Boca Raton, NM (GlossyNews) — The National Rifle Association, (NRA), ever at hand to aid the munitionally deprived, is running to the aid of drug cartels in Northern Mexico. Noting that they are in need of arms and ammunition, they immediately sent down several truckloads of supplies to aid them in their ‘quest for freedom’.
“We are in support of their right to express themselves as described in the 1st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution (the freedom of speech).” stated NRA spokesman Will Tokill. “I know we usually only speak out in favor of the 2nd Amendment (the right to bear arms), but these are special circumstances. We do support their 2nd Amendment as well, even though they are not true Americans being Mexicans and all. But they are in North America which we feel does count for something.”
The first shipment of arms was greedily picked up and absorbed by the Speedy Gonzales Cartel, specialists in the amphetamine trade out of Juarez, who immediately began testing them out on the local police station and several autos full of families trying to escape the mayhem.
“Wee want to tank da gringos who so graciasly brought us these wonderful tools for to use for the freedom of free enterprise in Mexico.” said Juan Benito, drug cartel spokesman for the Speedy gang.
“It is very kind of them to help us. Please tell them that the payment for it will be in the usual place near the old gas station along the highway outside of Phoenix. It will be under the red oil barrel on the right like last time. Also the next shipment from us will arrive by the fishing ship Snort just outside the boundary waters off San Diego. Muchas gracias to our capitalist amigos in America! As a free added bonus we are also sending you a gift of the heads of a couple nosy liberal news reporters who got a little too close to our action.”
The NRA’s generous delivery of the weaponry has greatly advanced Speedy’s range of operations and enhanced their freedom of enterprise, freedom of enterprise being a quality that the NRA is always enthusiastic to support.
An unfortunate development in the shipment of arms is that while it is easy to get the guns south across the border, it is extremely difficult to get them back north for repairs. The NRA is already putting into motion its massive political clout to deal with the problem. They have already instituted a huge Help Arm Our Poor Neighbors So They Can Keep Their Freedom campaign — also known as the Let’s Help Our Brown Friends Because They Are Almost Americans campaign expected to hit the airwaves and newspapers soon.
More as the situation worsens.
[Ed Note: We apologize for any inaccuracies in this breaking story. Freed reported it at 2am on Sunday morning, drunk, over a Mexican pay phone. It is remotely possible that all references to the NRA actually meant to say the Laredo Public School District PTA. ]
Excellent work