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Limbaugh Rushed to Hospital Drugs Not Mentioned

   Published Date: December 31, 2009  3 Comments on Limbaugh Rushed to Hospital Drugs Not Mentioned

Honolulu, HI (GlossyNews) — Acerbic Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a Honolulu hospital this morning for what doctors say is an overload of ‘bile’.

Limbaugh’s press spokesman Carson Cobain said he had little information. “Rush usually takes off this time of year to beef up for the coming season. All I know is he’s in the hospital and it doesn’t look good. Luckily Rush can afford the best treatment in the world. He’d be screwed if he worked for Wal Mart.”

Doctors at Queens Medical Center say Limbaugh is a victim of his own lifestyle. “You drink and smoke cigars and fill your days with vitriol, anger and hate and eventually all that horrible bitter junk just overflows into your system,” a medical spokesman revealed.

“Add to that the size of Limbaugh’s tiny heart, there is just nothing to filter out all that stuff. He is literally full of CRAP!”

Doctors are hoping to relieve some of the pent up bile by tapping a drain into Limbaugh’s huge rectum. Doctors also pointed out that Limbaugh, who weighs 280 pounds would actually only weigh 120 pounds with the bile surgically removed.

Limbaugh fans have already drained supplies on the local florist sending hundred of bouquets and get well cards. Doctors are not allowing the gifts and cards into Limbaugh’s room at this time, however.

“We really don’t want to overload Rush’s system with a bunch of positive thoughts. We don’t think his system can deal with the shock at this point. We let him watch Letterman, and that’s about it,” doctors said.

Doctors feel that Limbaugh should make a full recovery although he is greatly weakened.

As one doctor pointed out, “He has a hell of a lot of bile built up inside. His body can probably deal with it, but it would have killed an ordinary person.”

Author: Reverend Mike

@rev_rend Reverend Mike is a contributing editor for Glossy News. He was a Combat Chaplain with the Soviet Red Army in the 1980s. A career which he describes as an 'unappreciated field of endeavor'. He later worked as an Information Officer with the TASS News Agency on assignment in White Sands, NM. The collapse of the Soviet Union left him unemployed and homeless. He survived by selling magazine subscriptions door to door disguised as a college coed. He was later kidnapped and taken to Shanghai where he was sold into a white slavery ring. He lived as a concubine for a Japanese music industry mogul until 2002 when a wardrobe malfunction revealed his true identity. He found himself homeless and unemployed again, with only his collection of Polaroid snap shots. Reverend Mike has since scraped together a meagre living by blackmailing Japanese industrialists. Reverend Mike lives in a small 5 bedroom penthouse flat overlooking Central Park in New York City. His hobbies include exotic motorcycles, supermodels and owning small nations....

3 thoughts on “Limbaugh Rushed to Hospital Drugs Not Mentioned”

  1. You don’t get opiates for flu symptoms? Dude you need a new doctor. I recommend Dr. Nick.

    So that tirade is against liberal, progressive, totalitarian fascists? What a weird conflation!

    Rush speaks the truth? Now THAT would have been a funny headline!

  2. Who said it was about drugs? Why do you guys always have to bring drugs into the issue when it is about Rush?

    NH, your politics are a little mixed up, but I appreciate your comments. At least I’m a useful idiot. I don’t think you can put all the liberals, progressives, fascists and totalitarians in the same boat. Someone might get hurt.

    Luckily I’m a Socialist. Which you left out.

    I don’t think it was the liberals who turned the US into a debtor nation, that was Ronald Reagan.

    Oh, by the way, they don’t give you Oxycontin for the flu…. Rush could explain that to you.

    Thanks!

    ~Rev

  3. Reverend Mike has now well-established himself as a useful idiot for the global totalitarian fascist state.

    This is not about drugs but perhaps a little heartburn or the flu.

    When Rush speaks, the truth hurts fascist scumbag cold-blooded liberal progressives who are hurting this country and devolving it into something more resembling the third world.

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