Iraqi security forces have adopted a revolutionary new bomb detection device, according to the New York Times.
The hand-held device is several orders of magnitude smaller than devices available from “reputable” manufacturers, but American critics have their collective panties in a bunch over the fact that the device “doesn’t actually work” and is “putting untold numbers of people in danger of being blown into tiny, McNugget-sized pieces”.
What a bunch of wet blankets.
Retired United States Air Force officer, Lt. Col. Hal Bidlack would have us believe that simply because the device works “on the same principle as a Ouija board” or a divining rod that it is useless and dangerous. Just because something works on the power of suggestion doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be used to safeguard innocent lives.
If you don’t agree, why not just ask the trillions of people who have shown improvement in medical trials while on placebos. It’s why sugar pills are recommended by four out of five people who you have no reason to believe aren’t doctors.
So what if the devices look like the remote to the R/C car you got for Christmas in 1987? So maybe the technology it employs “has no basis in reality”, and maybe using them is “scientifically retarded”. The Iraqis are buying these things up by the truckload, and do you know why? Because they have a little thing called faith.
Sure, recent decreases in security levels have left critical areas of Baghdad more vulnerable to bombings than ever, and maybe suicide bombers were able to get through a security checkpoint using the device on October 25 with enough explosives to blow up three government ministries and kill 155 people in downtown Baghdad, but is that any reason to stop using these overpriced toys in place of physical inspections?
The fact of the matter is that sometimes things just work because people believe they do.
Go to Disneyland and see if you find a tiny headstone with the name “Tinkerbell” on it. You won’t find one. You know why? Because she was saved from certain death by poison by the power of belief. If it wasn’t for the people who did believe in fairies clapping their little hands off, she wouldn’t be alive, setting off fireworks shows and making third-rate cartoon movies to this very day.
And let’s not discount the magic angle. Critics may compare the bomb detectors to Ouija boards as if that discredits them, but let’s face it, that ghost was trying to tell you and older brother Mike something when it kept spelling “penis” over and over again.
The Iraqi Defense Ministry is also reportedly bringing in a high profile security consultant, Alastor “Mad-Eye” Moody, former Defence Against the Dark Arts instructor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and current economic policy adviser to UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown.