Announcer: “National Review”, in its August 25th edition, noted that abortion rights supporters “are abandoning the label ‘pro-choice’.” However, NR goes on to note, a “sure substitute for ‘pro-choice’ has yet to emerge…” (p.10)
Georgia Ohwell, a pro-abortion activist, has a strategy based on a terminology change to revolutionize the dynamics of the abortion debate. She will be discussing this with talk show hosts Dick and Janey of “Yucky World”.
Janey: What’s the problem with the abortion rights movement, Ms. Ohwell?
Ohwell: Anti-abortion support has risen to over 50%.
Janey: How do you account for that?
Ohwell: Anti-choice propaganda!
Dick: You mean facts like the unborn child has a beating heart at 18 days and brain waves at 40 days.
Ohwell: It’s just a bunch of cells.
Dick: Many doctors believe those cells can feel pain at 20 weeks.
Ohwell: So can a woman who doesn’t want to become a mother.
Janey: There’s a big difference between physical and psychological pain.
Ohwell: Tell that to an unwanted child while he’s growing up.
Dick: I’d rather be here than dead.
Ohwell: That’s easy for you to say.
Janey: How has new technology affected the pro-choice movement?
Ohwell: It’s led to a love affair with the fetus.
Dick: You mean those ultra-sound pictures of the unborn child that families hang on their refrigerators?
Ohwell: Exactly! Photographic propaganda!
Janey: Are there any positives for the pro-choice movement?
Ohwell: President Obama is a strong supporter of abortion rights, and he’s a pretty smart politician.
Dick: Obama can’t be that sharp. He doesn’t even know when human life begins.
Ohwell: To be more accurate, I believe President Obama said when asked that question that the answer was above his “pay grade”.
Dick: Well, it’s apparently not above the pay grade of teen-age boys. That’s one of the reasons they use condoms…because they do know when human life begins!
Janey: I understand you have a strategy to turn things around for the pro-choice movement, Ms. Ohwell.
Ohwell: Absolutely! We need a terminology change. The abortion rights movement got a big boost when we started to use the word “choice”, but it’s not working anymore. We’re getting beat-up now with the term “unborn child”.
Dick: Isn’t that what it is?
Ohwell: Absolutely not! We need to change to a more accurate term: It’s a “parasite”!
Dick: It’s a…huh?
Ohwell: Parasite!! Look it up in the dictionary. A parasite is defined as something that lives off another while contributing nothing in return.
Janey: You think this will work?
Ohwell: By definition, if it’s a parasite then it doesn’t have any rights!
Dick: Therefore, there’s nothing wrong with killing a parasite!
Ohwell: Wow! You may be smarter than I actually thought you were.
Janey: Do you really believe that expectant mothers will think of their future children as parasites?
Ohwell: If the definition fits…
Dick: Well, if you want to do definition jokes, I’ve got one…
Janey: Dick!
Dick: What do you call the twins of an expectant mother?
Ohwell: This isn’t going to be some stupid pun based on the “pair” in parasite, is it?
Dick: I’m better than that!
Janey: Okay! What do you call the twins of an expectant mother?
Dick: Womb-mates!! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
Ohwell: You really are pathetic.
Dick: Actually, for a former parasite, I thought that I was pretty punny!