Romney Admits He “Doesn’t Actually Know” What an Apology Is

Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney was stopped dead in his tracks on the campaign trail by a freelance writer from Teen Times who asked, “Governor Romney, do you actually know what an apology is?”

The former governor looked stunned and stammered for a few minutes without answer before his handlers whisked him away, but questions weren’t so easily answered.

Since the stutter-gaffe, analysts and pundits alike have pounced on the situation, seeking to dissect it themselves as only they can. Many interesting points of contest have been raised, and some of them are listed here.

1. The Book – No Apologies… Mitt Romney published a best-selling book titled No Apologies in which he sought only to insult every nation on the planet, save for America, one by one.
   
   While he never issued an apology to anyone in the book, it is unclear from the text whether or not he actually knows what is or is not an apology.
2. Obama’s Apology Tour… Governor Romney has campaigned far and wide railing against the claim of president Obama’s “apology tour”, but he’s never actually stated what he thinks constituted an apology.
   
   Transcripts are available from all of these various diplomatic missions, and nothing even vaguely resembling an apology was ever issued by president Obama. Is it possible that just appearing in these countries, or simply talking to these national leaders constitutes an apology in Mitt Romney’s eyes?
3. Embassy Free Speech Apology… As the events were unfolding in Libya and Egypt, the embassy issued a statement that free speech was a value held dearly to Americans, which Mitt Romney took as an apology from the president on behalf of America.
   
   Well, clearly the president didn’t issue it, nor did he know of it, and secondly – no, most importantly – it wasn’t an apology by any standard. If anything it was the opposite of an apology. It was a rebuke of cowtowing to government imposed limitations on our constitutionally protected free speech.
   
   Scholars from English Literature all the way over to Political Science and Fisheries have analyzed these statements and agreed without exception that these are not apologies.
4. Mitt Romney’s Apology for the 47% comment… According to campaign insiders, Mitt Romney fully and firmly believes that he apologized for calling 47% of Americans freeloading oafs.
   
   While he did in fact state that his comments on the matter were “inelegant”, there is nothing on the record that even remotely approaches an apology. Many of this 47% he mentioned are serving war combatants, retired persons, children or students, the long-term disabled and multi-millionaire tax cheats. These are not the people he wishes to villafy, but in fact, they are his base.

Conclusion

It seems from every angle we approach this story, that Mitt Romney doesn’t actually know what an apology is, what it’s designed to do, or how such a thing might actually work in practice.

Perhaps this misunderstanding comes from his being raised in a life of privelege and being forced to marry at a young age. He’s never known rejection, and his life at Bain Capital was just an extension of that. He’s surrounded himself by yes-men who always told him what he wanted to hear, and when he was wrong, he didn’t apologize, he just fired them.