MIAMI, FL —GlossyNews In a revealing, some even said shocking, poll taken after the Jacksonville GOPTea™ debate in Florida, Fidel Castro came in 4% ahead of Newt Gingrich, one of the real candidates for the presidential primary contest. The poll has a MOE of ±.025% and was conducted in the city’s central semi-residential district. People who answered any of the street pay phones that were called were asked 3 questions. The questions were asked only in Spanish, but not with a Cuban accent.
1) Do you plan to vote in the Florida primary election?
2) Who do you plan to vote for in this election?
3) Who will you vote for in the November 2012 election?
There were 650 calls made with exactly half of the calls being answered – 325. A total of 14 phones were out of order, narrowing the response rate. Of those tallied, 85 voted Romney, 60 for Castro, 47 for Gingrich, 18 for Santorum and 12 votes for Paul. Of the 78 leftovers, 8 votes were recorded for Michele Bachmann’s husband, Marcus with the remaining 70 votes divided as a 4.375 statistical average among 16 other non-candidates unknown to the polltakers.
The former Cuban revolutionary leader was reached for comment and his remarks were limited to two short, clipped comments.
“This is the finest display of idiocy and ignorance in the free world today.” Castro said, and then quickly whispered into the phone, “Even Bob Dole could win this stinking primary with one hand tied behind his back.”
When Spkr. Gingrich was told that Castro had polled higher than himself, Newt smiled cherubically and said “I have great fundamental respect for the Cuban leader and I wish him well in the future.” Then he whispered to an aide, “Didn’t you say Fidel died a few years back?”
Romney said he was pleased to know that the bearded revolutionary had finally returned to his maker. “I wish him well on his life’s journey.”
Marcus Bachmann was inexplicably shy in his comment, but he did say that he “was not holding his breath for Newt’s promise of Ambassador to the Moon,” at the end of his email response.
When asked about the polling answers for the third question, the spokesman for the pollster said that not one of the people who responded knew anything about any election coming up in November. One person allowed that, “Mr. Rubio said there’s nothing of any political interest going on in Florida until 2016.”