Joe Biden Smacked on Nose, Sent Back to Cage

Washington, DC – Vice President Joe Biden found himself in hot water Monday evening, after his latest verbal faux pas. While being interviewed by MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, Biden referred to House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) as “a sawed-off, four-eyed runt who doesn’t understand that you have to spend money to get out of debt.”  

Though the comment earned a hearty guffaw from Matthews, one of the two handlers assigned to Biden by the Obama administration promptly smacked the Vice President on the nose with a newspaper and ordered him back to his portable cage. It is unclear, as of press time, whether it was the personal insult or the unmasking of the administration’s secret agenda that drew the blow. Biden, Cantor, and other legislators had been in negotiations over raising the national debt ceiling, earlier in the day.

Mr. Biden was then transported by seven car motorcade from the television studio to the Capitol Building, two miles away. From there he was lead to his home enclosure on the Senate floor, promptly muzzled, and the door properly secured.

This marks the harshest punishment yet drawn by the Vice President, who has been prone to making quite a few errors in judgment and verbiage during public outings. In 2009, he was verbally reprimanded after wandering into the beer summit between Professor Henry Gates, Officer James Crowley and President Barack Obama. Obama, himself, then had to utilize Mr. Biden’s shock collar after he pulled Crowley’s pistol and shot one of his handlers in the leg.

Possibly Biden’s harshest penalty, before this latest punishment, came after he failed to remember the website Recovery.gov on live television.This was particularly embarrassing to the administration, as Biden was the person in charge of overseeing the economic recovery operation. Biden was then walked, by leash, to and from engagements for the next six months.

The muzzle over Biden’s mouth made his commentary on the current situation impossible, but Eric Cantor, who had earlier walked out on the debt ceiling meeting, called the comments an unnecessary personal attack that could have been avoided if the trainers being used for Biden had not been unionized.