Want to be the next chairman of the Republican National Committee? Take this easy essay test and send it back to the RNC in Washington. Be sure to include all your contact info so we can get in touch if we want to interview you.
Applicant questions are important because there are absolutely no ‘correct’ answers to these questions. These are only trends that we wish to discern about our next chairman before he is elected. Please be as truthful as possible: we have the latest technology to check your answers for correctness. Of course, there are simply no ‘correct’ answers to these questions.
We do require that you attach an addendum of your past 20 years of RNC contributions. Any additional funds you care to transfer will be added.
Please answer each question in 5 words or less. Answers over 5 words will be charged a $150 / word premium. So, be verbose. It’s tax deductible.
——–The Questions———
• Do you have a personal attorney on retainer in DC?
• How many guns do you own? Sponsored by the NRA. Check if you are a member. Y__ N__. N? Credit card info: ________________ Exp.____.
• What’s your view of same-sex marriage?
• Who is Elton John and how has he become the possible father of a future US president? A constitutional question from the Gov. Brewer Anchor Baby Institute.
• How has your view of same-sex marriage changed recently?
• When would you consider engaging in a land war in Afghanistan? Co-sponsored by The Decider and Halliburton.
• Who’s your political hero? Sponsored by Nancy at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. Credit card info: ________________ Exp.____.
• What and where is your favorite lesbian bar? Extra credit for contact / availability info.
Do you __own / __lease / __have access to a limo? Extra credit for contact / availability info.
• Where are the people who are inside the tent?
• Who owns the tent? Extra credit for contact / availability info.
• Hatwise, how do you roll in the Northeast?
• Greenland / Iceland, which one is green?
• Can you use ‘pied a terre’ in a sentence? Extra credit for contact / availability info.
• Who is the best GOPTea person you are able to name-drop? (Needs photo-proof: Ronald Reagan is not a valid answer.)
• Is Rush Limbaugh incendiary or ugly? (A hypothetical question only, especially if you are friends with Mr. Limbaugh)
• What was RNC’s single biggest mistake?
• Does it have to do with a ‘certain’ man as chairman? A simple Y___ N___ will do here. Sponsored by a ‘certain’ RNC chairman.
• What’s your favorite book? Sponsored by Going Rogue. Please check here if you’d like a copy. Y___ N___. Credit card info: ________________ Exp.____.
Bulk Order Gift Address Lists accepted with free shipping above 25 names.
• Who wrote these words: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”?
• Bonus essay:
Finish the above quotation’s full paragraph —here we will count correctness no matter what it says above. One mistake and you are disqualified from the application process. See below for workaround.
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, ______________________…”
QUOTE HINTS: The following hints are available at $500 donation for each selection used: Credit card info: ________________ Exp.____.
1. it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,
2. it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,
3. it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness,
4. it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair,
5. we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,
6. we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way
7. – in short, the period was so far like the present period,
8. that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received,
9. for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
NOTE: Access to all 9 hints requires a $45,000 donation…sure it’s 10X the going rate, but well worth the guaranteed bonus win! Letter of Credit info: ________________ Bank A/C____.
—–FRESH FACES APPEAL——-
If you have any contact info for fresh faces and voices that don’t look and sound like us, we want to expand the RNC GOPTea, please include them here.