World News -Fairbanks, AK GlossyNews.com – An Al Queda influenced jihadist squirrel attempted to create maximum havoc at the University of Alaska in Fairbanks recently. Successfully penetrating the high security at an electrical substation, the fanatical rodent managed to blow out the campus’ main turbine.
The sacrificial squirrel’s charred body was found lying on the substation floor, a green Hamas bandanna his only clothing left.
“Apparently this is a new phase in the terrorists never-ending assaults to bring down America.” stated Efrum Gutbuster, Specialist from the Murderous Whackos Division of Homeland Security. “Desperate, they are now recruiting innocent animals to do their dark biddings. They probably promised this poor little guy 72 female chipmunks in heaven.”
Police found a miniature, well-chewed copy of the Koran in the squirrel’s nest. Underlines in it were passages which could be interpreted as an excuse for waging jihad against enemies. “This is gonna raise the alarm level real high now.” said investigating police officer John Glitchfinder. “If we have to watch out now for every furry thing that lives, we are in for a hell of a ride!”
Although no lives were lost, the suicidal squirrel managed to put out the power in the University for hours, blowing the transformer, knocking out cooling systems for computers and making water unavailable in many places. “It was a well-planned attack, just what you can expect from Al Queda. We are just lucky that he didn’t take any of us with him!” said Glitchfinder.
Due to the fact that this incident occurred on Earth Day, there is some lingering suspicion that the squirrel was actually an eco-terrorist. This could focus the investigation more on local mini-mammals as sources of further disruption in the future. More will be revealed as the investigation continues.
Story based on an actual occurrence, though some details were changed to protect the identities of those involved.
Yes, Brian outdid himself on this one. Your story was great too, except for the death of a squirrel. Hate when that happens to furry creatures no matter what religion they are.
Great picture! Thanks!