Black Friday Leads To ‘Gotta Throw a Lot of Crap Out Yellow Tuesday’

The intense focus on post Thanksgiving retail selling initiated by Black Friday has now been one-upped by Walmart’s new play of starting specials on Thanksgiving night, thus luring people out of their homes on a major family holiday.

It also forces Walmart employees to have to work on a night when they would probably prefer to be eating turkey dinner with their families. This new overbearing Christmas selling season has succeeded in altering a once spiritual holiday into the crassest of material worship.

Now every retail outlet in every way possible is vying for the big winter holiday bucks. Every day now we hear of new assaults upon our media dependent senses from the lords of commercialism. Recently born are the new ‘Buy Wads Of Unnecessary Stuff Grey Thursday’ inspired by Black Friday which has begot other consumer orgies such as ‘Buy Crap Through The Internet Beige Saturday’, ‘Order Junk Over Your Cell Phone Chartreuse Sunday’ and “What The Hell Am I Going to Do With All This Stuff Blue Monday’.

An unfortunate side development from this entire sudden upswing in mass consumer consumption is the onset of ‘I’ve Got To Throw A Lot Of Stuff Out Pastel Yellow Tuesday’. Already there have been complaints from garbage men of the humongous heaps of junked purchases that are greeting them from alleyways and sidewalks across the country on Tuesday mornings. Early commuters are also complaining about the huge lines of junked out trash that block their alleys, garage entrances and the street curbs where they park their cars.

Walmart, which already stresses families out by not paying working parents enough to comfortably support their families has helped to make Christmas a pagan event by its relentless focus and push non consumer goods this time of year. The world’s largest chain store now wishes to further its insatiable drive for money and to trod under all competition by destroying the peacefulness of Thanksgiving.

This is one of the few times of the year where the hectic pace of civilization is put aside for a night and focus is put on the more essential things such as family and on giving thanks for the gifts of life rather than stimulating the constant base lust for yet more things.

LATE BREAKING NEWS– Walmart has successfully lobbied (ie. intimidated) Congress into renaming the almost obsolete Thanksgiving to ‘Walmartday’. More as it develops.