Historic compromise – Snowden and Obama both to stand trial

This reporter has learned from confidential sources that have top security clearance and a ticket to Hong Kong that there will be a major compromise in the Snowden case.

Mr. Snowden, who has been indicted for espionage, theft and conversion of government property, has agreed to be extradited and stand trial before the U.S. Supreme Court in exchange for a reciprocal arrangement from the U.S. government. The U.S. would agree to turn over President Barack Obama to stand trial for violation of the fourth amendment rights of 313,914,040 American citizens as well as the killing of 4606 civilians in drone assassinations in at least six countries.

In order to assure the same standard of justice for Mr. Obama as for Mr. Snowden, the trial of the American president will take place in Somalia, with the participation of prosecutors and witnesses from North Waziristan, Kandahar, Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Somalia and other locations. Guantanamo inmates will comprise the jury, with Judge Judith Scheindlin presiding. Judge Judy was selected because surveys indicate that she is the most trusted judge in the U.S. and possibly the world. In exchange for standing trial for the drone deaths, charges would be dropped against Mr. Obama for hundreds of thousands of civilian deaths by other means, poisoning by depleted uranium, 32,972,101 cases of property vandalism and other assorted crimes.

In other news, al-Qaeda has concluded an agreement with U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry to fight in Syria on behalf of the U.S. in exchange for the extradition of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney plus two waterboards.