Tag Archive | "Tom Cruise"

Catholic Church Commemorates Scientology for Beating Their Scam Record


The bald-ass monkey pope from the Catholic Church in some schmancy European country commemorated the Church of Scientology this week for utterly destroying their record set since their foundation back when the bearded old man went up in the sky.

It is estimated that since the Church of Scientology is currently the popular religion, millions of little boys are at risk of getting their assholes pounded like a bunch of monkeys at the local zoo. Read the full story

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Russian Jets Enter Ukraine Airspace, Top Gun’s Maverick Dispatched to Region


Washington, D.C. – As tensions continue to escalate between Russia and Ukraine, Russian President Putin has ordered his fighter jet pilots to flirt with crossing into Ukrainian airspace to tempt a response from the smaller country.

In response, President Obama has assured the Ukrainians that the United States has their back and, to prove it, he has ordered Maverick from the hit 80’s movie “Top Gun” to patrol the region. Read the full story

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Founding Fathers Protest Holmes-Cruise Divorce


This news site previously reported that the recent rising from the grave by America’s Founding Fathers was in direct protest of the Supreme Court ruling that declared the Affordable Care Act constitutional.

As stated by Founding Father and second President of the United States John Adams, we could not be more wrong. Read the full story

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Micro-Religions Gain Market Share to Chagrin of Mega-Churches


This year’s Nielsen Prayer Ratings, considered an important indicator of sociological trends, put numbers to anticipated demographic shifts, yet contained surprises too.

While “Please don’t let her be pregnant” prayers showed expected growth among males 18-25, the 2011 NPR garnered controversy and condemnation among traditional ‘big box’ religious outlets. The study shows a decided move towards secularism. Seen as even more troubling by religion providers is a market share gain for non-mainstream sects. Read the full story

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