Tag Archive | "space exploration"

Microbiologist Lies About Finding Life on Mars


PASADENA, Ca — Last Thursday, the team leading NASA’s Mars Science Laboratory mission made history when the rover Curiosity identified indisputable evidence of life on Mars—or so it seemed.

The historic discovery, initially made by microbiologist Dr. James Weaver, turned out to be an elaborate ruse Weaver concocted in an effort to “take the piss” out of his colleagues.

“I couldn’t resist,” said a very smug Dr. Weaver.

“Those jagweeds were getting crazy excited about a bunch of damned rocks. It was annoying as hell. I thought I’d mix things up a little.” Read the full story

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China Lays Blame for Lunar Disaster On Female Driver


At a press conference Saturday China announced its lunar mission was in danger and appeared to lay blame on it’s female rover.

The rover, named Yutu and translated as “Rickshaw Woman”, got off to a rocky start when it overshot its landing zone by 3400 miles. Yutu was supposed to land on the visible side of the moon but ended up far away on the cold, dark side. Read the full story

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NASA Locates 3 New Earth-like Planets That Could Theoretically Support Death


CAPE CANAVERAL, FLA — The NASA Program recently announced that their scientists have located three new Earth-like planets, each of which could theoretically support death.

According to NASA’s lead researcher Dr. Hans Von Gunn, “Using our Kepler satellite, we were able to track down a trio of planets not dissimilar to our own. Our hope is that some, if not all, of these planets may be able to support human life and, perhaps more importantly, our overwhelming desire to extinguish it at every chance we get.” Read the full story

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Romney: ‘As President, I Will Put a Man On Mars By 2014’


WASHINGTON D.C. – In an effort to bolster support for his campaign ahead of next month’s presidential election, Republican candidate Mitt Romney has vowed to put a man on the surface of Mars by the year 2014.

Speaking at a post debate rally in Mount Vernon, Ohio Tuesday, Mr. Romney insisted that funding a dangerous manned mission to the Red Planet would become the number one issue on his agenda from day one. Read the full story

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