A reporter covering the debacle that is the debt ceiling talks has just published a story in his local hometown paper, The Times-Picayune, which helps shed light on what he believes is the number one priority coming out of the Republican camp—the importance of a good lunch. Read the full story

In an effort to keep tabs on the rising number of misbehaving male Senators in Washington, the Senate Appropriations Committee has put aside $60,000 to revamp a vacant office in the Senate Building, turning it into a boom-boom room.

The “Fun Pit” is being designed by noted 70’s interior designer, Ernesto Ball, who is best known for his far out designs using vivid colors, shag carpeting and lots and lots of lava lamps. Read the full story

As the few remaining Tea Party freshmen and ‘Blue dog’ Democrats who are not embroiled in sex scandals stress their fiscal hawk credentials, some say it was inevitable that Obamacare would eventually feel the heat, and not just due to an untreated infection.

Sources close to the White House say nitpicking certain provisions from the Affordable Health Care Act is nothing but political posturing, while those on the other side of the debate call them obstructionist extremists. Read the full story

NEW YORK, NY—Comedians and “Fake News” Correspondents across the nation have been unable to produce any suitable material to satirize Tennessee’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill that advanced in the state’s Senate last month.

“It’s like they created the bill just to f**k with us,” one editor from The Onion told reporters, “I mean, we can’t think of anything more absurd than the proposed law itself. Read the full story

People who earn horse choking sums by predicting events that never come to pass find themselves choking in light of the current government shutdown.

Consensus among pundits had predicted an imminent budget showdown due to efforts of Democrats eager to portray the GOP as heartless, and freshmen Republicans ready to demonstrate their budget cutting bona fides. Nobody foresaw that government shutdown would come due to the hospitalization of the entire Senate and House of Representatives. Read the full story

Washington, DC – GlossyNews.com – The U.S. House of Representatives today passed the bipartisan $500 million No Districts Left Behind Bill by a vote of 399 to 36.

An historical departure from the governing body’s usual practice of adding pork projects as bribes for their support, the NELB entirely dispenses with the pretense of legislating in the national public interest. Read the full story

PRESCOTT, AZ — GlossyNews.com: Re-elected Sen. John McCain, going on 74, seemed to coast to victory in November, easily beating Tuscon Democrat Rodney Glassman to hang onto his Arizona Senate seat. But his wife’s new chic haircut got major press, and this threw the 5-term senator into a major funk. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C.— It all began innocently enough with light flakes around noon in downtown D.C. Forecasters warned of 30 inches or more of heavy, wet snow and powerful winds. Devastating for Washington. It would become the heaviest snowfall since January 1922 in the nation’s capital. Read the full story

Boston, MA (GlossyNews) — Democratic National Committee campaign strategists are rushing today to explain the unexpectedly strong showing by Republican Scott Brown in the Massachusetts special election to fill the seat of the late Senator Edward Kennedy.

Republic pundits and party insiders are quick to call the surprisingly strong showing by Brown a referendum on nationalized health care, and the performance of the Obama Administration, in general. However, Democratic insiders dismiss these claims, charging the election and polling results are more “a reflection on the local character of this race,” rather than an indicator of 2010 mid-term election results. Read the full story

Washington DC —EBBQ Today the offices of John Boehner (Bay-ner) (R–OH) revealed that Senator Boehner and former Senator Bobdole (R–KS ret.) have maintained a secret same-sex marriage for the past 13 years.

“In fact,” a Bobdole spokesperson said, “Bobdole did legally adopt Sen. Boehner at that time, as there was no state where they could legally be married. In fact they are father and son. This is a relationship that is quite familiar in the gay circles. There are whole internets set up to facilitate this type of relationship,” the spokesperson said. “It works quite well for them.” Read the full story

Hoboken NJ — In an effort to provide the best possible universal health care coverage to American Citizens, the Senate today released a new, surprise, Health Care Plan where all coverage will be provided through the ‘Bill Whiddel Insurance Agency’. Mr Whiddel runs a small, one man office in Hoboken, New Jersey. Whiddel was surprised by the plan, which would give him $400 Billion per year for the next 52 years to provide health care coverage to all Americans. Read the full story

Washington, DC: Congressional Representatives from both sides of the aisle celebrated today with the announcement of an offer to completely fund American health care reform via e-mail from a mysterious Nigerian prince.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters at a Capitol Hill news conference, initial contact with Prince D’Uod Mababe was made by Pelosi herself. Read the full story