It came out today that President Obama will replace Joe Biden as his running mate for the 2012 presidential election. Beyonce will be filling in for the stodgy old senator. Her star power will surely add the glitz and glamor that Obama’s campaign desperately needs.
When asked about this drastic change to his strategy Obama said “With Beyonce as my new running mate girls are one step closer to running the world.” Many people feel that Beyonce is not qualified for the job, however this reporter will be happy when the White House is officially bootylicious.
People are drawing parallels between the singer and Sarah Palin, but Beyonce was sure to let the media know that she can see the UN from her high rise NYC apartment.
I implore all of my readers to realize that Beyonce is Obama’s best choice for vice president. Over the past four years our economy has been gutted and our largest financial institutions have been teetering on collapse. It has been proven time and time again that Beyonce knows how to raise money.
If anyone can bail us out of our financial calamity it is her. I can see it now; $10,000 a plate dinners to raise funds for corporate welfare featuring the hypnotic gyrations and booty shaking of Beyonce. It’s hard to focus on egregious fiscal policy with all that ass on stage. How can anyone argue against the president when his running mate belts the Lee Greenwood classic God Bless the USA?
The media has swarmed Beyonce and her Husband Jay Z aka Mr. Beyonce. The couple is used to being in the limelight, however Jay Z has expressed concerns about his wife’s booty overshadowing Michelle Obama’s stating “It’s politics as usual. I took my Frito to Tito in the district.” His Frito may be spending a lot more time in the District, however the Obama administration is considering housing Beyonce in the oval office so her butt will never be out of the president’s reach.
A lot of criticism has been leveed against the president’s policy on Afghanistan. In response Obama has gone on record saying “It will be a lot easier for me to keep my hand of the button with Beyonce around. Not only will Beyonce distract the public from the war, she will distract me as well.”
The president and his new running mate have scheduled appearances across the nation to promote Beyonce’s new hair style. The administration feels that this will take precedent over social unrest and an ailing global economy. This can be seen as an asset to Obama as he can use her stylists for his television appearances. The president’s image is very important for diplomacy.
If he has split ends or a blemish it could besmirch America’s international reputation. In our nation’s time of crisis our president must look good on the tube.
Beyonce and Jay Z bring a lot to the table when it comes to economic issues. Both of them are in the top 1%. Considering the extreme affinity for avarice the couple share, it is only natural that they be allies of the White house. Jay Z is talking to the Federal Reserve in an effort to make the Euro gangster again. According to him “It will be like my video for Blue Magic. I want to make the Euro gangster again.”
After four years Obama seems older and worn down from the woe that is a celebrity presidency. With his star fading it’s time for more fun to be introduced into the presidency. With a rapper and a pop star in his cabinet he will be sure to get the youth vote.
I’m sure Secret Service will do a thorough BACKground check!