Scientists researching the phenomena of Politically Incorrect Mass Propaganda Syndrome (PIMPS) announced a breakthrough into the biggest question of 2010: “What makes Sarah Palin perpetually politically relevant?”

After statistically modeling data from thousands of successful people, researchers contend that the three most predictive variables in determining the unprecedented success of Sarah Palin (as well as other highly successful people) are: a disproportionate sense of worth, significant over-exposure and well developed posterior speech lobes which exponentially increases incidents of “talking out of their ass”. Read the full story

Berkley, CA (BNSE) — California college professors and students took to the streets again today to protest Governor Schwarzenegger’s stark austerity plans to bring the deficit burdened California state budget back in line. Chief among their complaints are designated cut backs in the state’s higher education budget, including reductions in the number of courses offered, tuition increases, and a 4% pay cut for teaching professors. Outraged professors compared the pay cut to World War II Nazi Holocaust of 6 million Jews, the Rape of Nan-king, and the burning of the Library at Alexandria, among other historical tragedies. Read the full story

Charlie, a chimpanzee owned by animal psychologist Mary Lively, celebrated his 6th birthday by sending text messages on his very own laptop. The computer was specially designed for Charlie by Apeco Technologies at the urging of Lively after she had noticed that Charlie took an unusual interest in her computer while she did research. Read the full story

A major study conducted at the London Institute for Prostate Cancer has determined that men who are diagnosed with prostate cancer are nearly twenty-five times as likely to die from the disease as men who are prostate-cancer free.

This conclusion was reached after researchers had carefully recorded the causes of death of more than 300,000 men. Read the full story

A detailed functional artificial human brain will be available on the National Health Service within the next year – if we don’t all die of Sneezy Pig virus this autumn – or the effects of the toxic anti-flu vaccine – according to scientists and technicians assigned to TV’s Scrapheap Challenge research lab’s. Read the full story