UK Austerity Hits Royal Wedding Plans in the Face

You might think the perfect proposal needs to involve a huge romantic gesture in a public place, but that’s just not true. Here’s what you need to consider, and how to plan the perfect marriage proposal for the love of your life.

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  1. Make Sure You are Both Ready

This is the most important aspect of any marriage proposal. If you’re planning to propose because you think it will be wonderfully romantic, or because your partner has given you an ultimatum, or if you have been having problems and feel this will cement the relationship, don’t do it.

If, on the other hand, you are absolutely sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are both head over heels in love with each other (yes, even after years of living together), and want to make a real and lasting commitment to spend the rest of your lives together, then you’re ready to propose marriage.

  1. Discuss Your Intentions With Their Parents

It sounds very old fashioned to ask their father’s permission but actually just having an open and honest discussion with their parents, and yours, about your intentions can be very useful for everyone. It will show you respect their child and that you’re serious about making a lifetime commitment. You don’t have to do this but it’s a thoughtful touch and should help to ingratiate you with your future in-laws. Marriage is more than just the joining of two people after all, it is the coming together of two families.

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3. Know Their Style

I don’t just mean so you can choose a ring to present on bended knee. It’s important to know whether your partner would rather choose their own ring or have one selected for them, or specially designed even. It’s a risky business to go ahead and guess what their dream engagement ring would look like, even if you’re sure they’d love the surprise. They will be expected to wear it on their hand for the rest of their life, after all, so it’s important to get it right! And the best tip that we can give is to invest as much as you can into the engagement ring so go for an absolutely stunning diamond engagement ring that will take her breath away!

If you’re sure they will love to have a ring presented, and you know you have found the most perfect style, you’ll need to discover their finger size next. If they already wear a ring on their ring finger (the third finger from the thumb), and take it off from time to time, draw around it on a piece of paper and take your drawing to a local jeweller who should be able to tell you the correct size from there. You don’t have to propose with a ring at all. It’s fine to propose without a ring, or with a token ring, and suggest you go engagement ring shopping together.

Great Britain was left devastated today by the news that the government’s planned public spending review would be extended to include the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton next month. Until now the British public had born the news that their hospitals, schools, libraries and armed forces were to have their budgets slashed with gritty stoicism.

However news that the lavish celebrations for the marriage of the third in line to the throne, also funded by the taxpayer, were to be hit resulted in an outpouring of emotion.

“We’re somewhat miffed”, raged schoolteacher Brian Yeats. “It’s one thing knowing that in future we’re going to have to share one well-thumbed copy of Advanced Calculus between 100 pupils or that any major school building renovations will have to be done by the children themselves during their lunchtime.

“But hearing that the [royal wedding] cake is to be reduced from 6 tiers to 5 really leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Mind you,” he added ”I constantly have a bad taste in my mouth as pay cuts mean I can no longer afford to buy toothpaste, let alone find an NHS dentist”.

Soldier Gary Evans, who has just returned from Afghanistan, said he understands that cuts need to be made to reduce the UK deficit. ”When we were being shot at by the Taleban we could have benefitted from proper flak jackets, instead of the cardboard ones we had to make do with. But we understood that as a society we had to make sacrifices”, he acknowledged. “However, learning that the royal family will only have a dozen roasted swans to serve [to their wedding guests] really takes the biscuit. Not that I can afford biscuits myself at the moment on my reduced army pay”.

Some of the drastic measures announced today include:
• Wedding invitations to be printed using 18 carat gold leaf, rather than 24 carat
• Rose petals only, rather than more expensive orchid petals, to be strewn in front of Miss Middleton as she walks to her carriage
• Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1795 served to guests, rather than the superior 1797 vintage

Prime Minister David Cameron was unavailable for comment today but one Conservative MP willing to defend these cuts was backbencher Sir Reginald Swine-Gorging, who has been invited to the wedding reception. “It’s only fair that the royal family share the burden of these enforced public spending reductions“, he smirked. “It would not be right if only the plebs, I mean the hard working general public, suffered at this difficult time for our country”, he continued, struggling to keep a straight face.

“I can assure the British public that although we will be spending less of their taxes on caviar, champagne and truffles than they would have liked, we wedding guests will do our utmost to put on a brave face and enjoy the celebrations as much as possible.” Sir Reginald left the interview at this point, as he could no longer contain his squeals of laughter.

Author: lamoss