Tag Archive | "presidential race"

Mitt Romney Admits He’s a ‘Douche-bag’


Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney dropped out of the Presidential race yesterday stating that he was not qualified for the job.

“I’m a douche-bag”, Romney. “I don’t know what’s going on with the American people. You don’t want a loser like me for president”.

Romney admitted that his comfortable, wealthy lifestyle and wanton disregard for the poor and underprivileged have made him a poor candidate for the nations highest post.

“I admit I would be a pretty good commander in chief though”, Romney continued. “I wouldn’t mind sending young men into war or wantonly killing scores of innocent people. That would actually give me a tickle”.

Many other Republicans expressed relief that Romney has dropped out of the race. Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee said in reference to Romney, “he’s not God fearing enough. He’d lead us into war but I doubt he would push the nuclear trigger! That’s what I’ll do when I’m president. In the name of God and country!”

New Jersey governor Chris Christie claims he just doesn’t like Romney. “He’s a f(ricking) loser! At least now he’s admitting he’s a douche bag! Not like me! I’m a fat, obnoxious regular American! Like all of you!”

Most people interviewed agreed that Romney would suck as president and they would not vote for him. But they expressed the same sentiments for all the republican candidates. And democrats.

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GlossyNews Announces 2012 Presidential Endorsement… Not Who You Think


In 2008 we endorsed then-senator Barack Obama, but apparently it is best form to consult with our staff before reaching such a weighty decision.

For 2012 I requested an endorsement statement from all 127 of our writers, and the endorsements are listed below, by author, though I warn you, it’s all kinds of goofy. Read the full story

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Bloomberg and the Gay Vote Sitting in a Tree


New York City Mayor Bloomberg made God-fearing GOP senators quake in their extremely heterosexual boots this week when he came out in favor of gay marriage and said he would do everything he can to support a bill brought before Congress. Read the full story

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