Tag Archive | "presidential debate"

Trump: Hillary Drooled Through Debate

On Wednesday Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump proposed this new conspiracy theory about his Democratic rival, Hillary Clinton: that she drooled all the way through Monday’s debate.

“Didn’t notice at 1st,” he tweeted, “Crooked Hillary drooled all over herself @ debate. I scare her BIGLY Probably had seizure. Sad!” Read the full story


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Oh, the Rovanity

FORT LAUDERDALE–Tumult ensued following initial reports that the crash of a Mitt Romney blimp was instead determined to be the explosion of Karl Rove’s much talked about brain.

The head of the conservative political analyst and FOX NEWS favorite spontaneously blew to smithereens after he attempted to opine past the GOP presidential candidate’s obvious lack of readiness on foreign policy.

Emergency crews described the scene as chaotic. “People were scrambling everywhere,” recalled a paramedic. “One guy who looked like Sean Hannity, held a Styrofoam coffee cup, screaming “Scoop up his brain, scoop it up, hurry!” Read the full story


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Romney Threatens to Fire Crowley, Crowd, and China

VILLAGE OF HAMPSTEAD, NEW YORK- The second presidential debate was the scene of chaos as Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney threatened to fire the moderator, debate participants, and an entire nation on Tuesday night.

Mitt Romney suffered a severe short circuit from over clocking his platform processor, a microchip that allows him to process his policy changes quickly.

This lead to an inevitable overload when Romney was presented with paradoxes, like what he was told to be truth from trusted advisers, could actually be wrong. Read the full story


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Obama Debate Prep To Include Joe Biden: Heckler

As President Obama prepares for Tuesday’s debate with failed former Gov. Mitt Romney, a new twist has been added to the normal procedure.

Vice-president Joe Biden will fill-in as his opponent for the practice sessions, laughing and heckling incessantly.

President Obama already has a surrogate for this position, a tape of his performance in the first debate, but the subsequent over-the-top performance of the vice-president has altered that strategy. Read the full story


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Sweating Romney Can’t Stop Asking Advisers How He Did Out There

DENVER, CO – Following Wednesday’s opening presidential debate at the University of Denver, a sweating Mitt Romney would not stop asking advisers how he did.

Nervously loosening his tie, the former Massachusetts governor stormed into campaign manager Matt Rhoades’ temporary office, demanding: “well?” Read the full story


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What I Did During the First Debate (Spoiler: I didn’t watch it)

8:01: Made myself a Boulevardier, which I highly recommend.

8:07: Opened up my three-year-in-progress novel, of which I have completed one chapter to date. Wrote seven additional words that I erased and rewrote four times. Net gain – four words. At this rate the next Great American Novel will be finished by December of 2023. Read the full story


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The Only 14 Zingers at the 2012 Presidential Debate

Respective political rhetoric aside, there were only a few bright (or even interesting) moments in the presidential debate. Following are the only 14 things even close to a “zinger” uttered by Obama, Romney or Jim Lehrer.

1) Romney: “Happy Anniversary, Mr. President. So, how about that threesome?” Read the full story


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Debate Recap: GOPTea Candidates Non-Debate the Non-Facts (4 of 7)

DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy All seven of the first round of Republicans met recently to spout extremist sentiments, presumably pandering to the fringes of the Tea Party, and we were lucky enough to witness the event first hand on tape-delayed television.

While two hours is a long time to have to sit and watch, we have on offer a shorter distillation of what Read the full story


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