Tag Archive | "President Obama"

When They Go Low, I Go High (President Obama is Having a Pretty Chill Retirement)


chrisvila.com
@vilachumley

Our correspondent, Don Lemon of CNN, caught up with the former President Barack Obama in his first interview since Donald Trump took office.

Don Lemon: What have you been up to these past few weeks, Barack?

Obama: Look around, Don. Just me and a few friends, hanging out on Necker Island…

British Virgin Islands…

You know, Branson’s private island. Oh man, warm and sunny…

Reminds me of my days in Hawaii.

I couldn’t take any more of that “Rancho Mirage Presidential Retreat” place for more than a few days. Been there six times already…

And the weather sucked. California rain? Please…

And folks everywhere.

DL: So what’s the deal here, Barack?

BO: Necker Island? Well, Richard has been a long-time advocate of legal weed.

We met at the White House in 2012 after Dave Cameron came…

Do you remember when Sir Richard joked about asking me for a spliff at that panel discussion? He wasn’t joking. My kind of guy. We just hit it off and I’ve been counting down the days since. When you make it to the top…

That spotlight…

Man, I need that downtime…

Eight friggin’ years…

Serious shit every day…

Hey Don, does it smell like Ferguson?

[LAUGHTER]

DL: Hahahaha. Don’t bust my chops…

I thought i was reporting the scene…

Called it as I saw it.

BO:

Well, that shit’s got to stop!

(LAUGHTER)

… Narc!

Anyways, 2012…

My friend David Maranis wrote that book about my high school years.

I had turned fifty and he reminded me of times…

The Choomwagon, total absorption…

Intercepting joints…

Those were the best years of my life!…

I’m here now, you know what I mean?

DL: And what’s your average day look like?

BO: Well, it’s about “me time…”

I’ve earned it…

Like some midlife crisis…

But better!

I sleep as late as I want…

I’ll read some Borowitz or some GlossyNews. Kick it with one of eight kinds of cereals…

Do you know how hard it is to get BooBerry or Count Chocula?

(LAUGHTER)

… My day doesn’t really start until 4:20.

(LAUGHTER)

I might shoot hoops with Reggie Love… That’s his real name.

(LAUGHTER)

I like my Arugula Salad with jerk chicken. I’ll wash it down with Jamaican Red Stripe Beer and watch the sun go down… Are you feelin’ me?”

DL: Yeah Potus, the islands… Hey, didn’t Michelle just leave here last week to DC with Sasha?

BO: Michelle went. I got her a sweet huge “rental…”

(LAUGHTER)

8,200 square feet in the Kalorama District … I’m having a good time here with Richard… He runs his empire from here…

You know, I can tweet from here, set up my foundation from here…

Don, you know how popular I am, right? So many things I can do…

I’m thinking crazy stuff like writing for Wallace, maybe a regular column…

Or starting a show…

Filmed from right here…

You know it’s gonna work

(LAUGHTER)

… Maybe something like “WWOD, What Would Obama Do?”

(LAUGHTER)

I really have this Dave Chappelle thing in mind… Me as Nixon… Cheney… Russians …

(LAUGHTER)

I’m gonna call it “When They Go Low, I Go High!”

(LOTS OF LAUGHTER)
Michelle came up with that… I’m telling you Don, I’m done with politics!

… Hey what time is it? … Don, you got to go!

(FALL DOWN LAUGHTER)

chrisvila.com
@vilachumley

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Glossy News Classics VI. rfreed’s President Obama Stars in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life.’ (1/3)


NOTE FROM WALLACE:

Keep reading rfreed’s work! 

Now, this one is interesting…

***

President Obama gazed down from the icy bridge into the swirling frigid waters of the Potomac below him.

In the darkness of the night the distance between him and its whirlpools seemed vast.

He was at an end.

The difficulties of his Presidency seemed as dark, endless and foreboding as the waters he looked down upon. Read the full story

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Presidents & First Ladies: USA Before and After


Here’s a quick guide to how the First Family has changed… between the Obamas and the Trumps!

from-a-class-mn0jfn to-an-ass

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Colbert Snubbed Unpopular Obama in Series Finale


In the series finale of The Colbert Report, dozens of musical, political, film and other celebrities made an appearance… Obama participated, but was cut from the show.

Almost 50 guests appearead live on-stage during the prolonged, rousing rendition of “We’ll Meet Again” with the addition of a number of pre-recorded segments spliced in. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, TelevisionComments (1)

Pelosi’s Socialist Speech Code, Anti-GOP Persecution


In a move causing widespread ripples of non-surprise, Nancy Pelosi has not-so-secretly used her Senatorial Privileges to unilaterally ram through a Socialist Speech Code for Californian police.

Don’t worry; obviously, this use of the previously unheard-of Senatorial Decree option is perfectly constitutional… Read the full story

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Top Celebrities Pledge to Create Thousands of Entourage Jobs


Sid Weinstock, a savvy businessman from Los Angeles, has a list of some of the biggest names in the country who are each pledging to hire several new entourage members in an effort to create upwards of 100,000 new jobs in America in 2014. Justin Bieber has promised to add at least 20 new members to his entourage in the coming months. Auditions for the jobs will be taking place in Atlanta in January. Read the full story

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Drunken Obama Declares Prima Nocte


WASHINGTON — In a surprise move late last night, President Obama declared “Prima Nocte,” invoking the controversial 16th century feudal statute that allowed noblemen to “call dibs” on any newlywed bride during her first night of marriage.

According to the decree, local politicians – such as mayors and councilmen – reserve the right to procreate with other men’s new brides “freely and without consequence,” provided those young ladies are within their political constituency. Read the full story

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Joe Biden Appointed Secretary of Intermoronical Affairs


Vice President Joe Biden has reason to smile.

Not only did the Delawarean Dynamo just get sworn into a second term of office; now Washington news organizations are reporting that Biden has been tapped to serve jointly as head of a new cabinet-level agency: the Department of Intermoronical Affairs. Read the full story

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Obama Executive Order Forgives Teacher Debt


WASHINGTON DC–President Obama signed an executive order today forgiving college loan debt held by America’s public school teachers.

“Let me be perfectly clear. America’s teachers have worked too hard for far too long, for little pay and even less respect,” remarked the President. “As states like Florida continue to nickel and dime those who educate the youth of this country through legislative mandate of individual pension contributions, union-busting and underfunding of this nation’s schools, providing teachers financial relief–giving back to those who have given so much for so little in return–is a long-term investment in our schools and in our children.” Read the full story

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Reason 17 I’m Voting Romney: I Like His Hair


GlossyNews.com[Note from the Staff of Glossy News: We proofread the author Tim Jones’ rant below about why he’s switching his vote from Obama to Romney.

We uncovered a few minor errors in his analysis and felt compelled to insert corrections as needed. – the Staff of Glossy News] Read the full story

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Why Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann Could Never Be Democrats


Really I don’t understand why so many Liberals I have lots of admiration for get kinda ‘mouth foamy’ at the mention of Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann. My liberal friends seem to genuinely despise those two women. Myself, I don’t really hate anybody. Except for the guy who did that ‘Pina Colada” song; he should be water boarded. Read the full story

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Republicans Claim Inheritance Tax Owed on Deficit Inherited from Bush


Republicans continue to assure the wealthiest Americans that no new taxes will be levied against them. However, with the Tea Party breathing down their necks and threatening to withhold votes if something isn’t done to get the budget under control, top Republican strategists have come up with a plan they believe will take on the appearance of bringing in some much-needed revenue. Read the full story

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Obama Not Reading Book Upside Down When Bin Laden Killed


It has already started, the “What were you doing when you heard the news that Osama bin Laden was killed?” Most of us were getting ready for bed or already there on a Sunday evening when the news broke. Not much else to remember, just that as soon as we heard, we couldn’t turn off the television. Read the full story

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Birthers Regroup After Minor Setback, Demand REAL Documents


Chastened by Obama’s release of the long form of his official birth certificate, leading proponents of the ‘birther’ movement (now officially dubbed ‘afterbirthers’) met today to rethink their strategy of trying to prove President Barack Obama is not a “natural-born citizen” of the United States. Proposals include:

1) Demanding to know whether Obama was delivered by cesarean section or by “natural” child-birth. Read the full story

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President Obama Offers up Authentic Treasure Map to Throw Off Birther Scent


The quest for definitive evidence that Barack Obama was born (or not born) in the United States is heating up once again. This time, it is millionaire Donald Trump (or billionaire if you’re asking Trump himself) who is leading the scavenger hunt. Tired of all of the hubbub about where he was born, the President is finally taking matters into his own hands by offering up an authentic treasure map to throw Trump off the birther scent. Read the full story

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O’Reilly, Obama Find Common Ground; Glenn Beck is Nuts


President Obama sat down with Fox News Show host Bill O’Reilly in a rare and candid interview that touched on everything from the unrest in Egypt and how it should be handled, the economy and how to achieve a more stable union, and Obama’s thoughts on the 2012 elections. But it was Glenn Beck that really brought the two men together in a meeting of the minds. Read the full story

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