Tag Archive | "Politics"

GOD: HUMANITY CURSED BECAUSE OF PACT MADE WITH PAT ROBERTSON


THE HEAVENS – In a rare public announcement, God Himself admitted today that Pat Robertson, who by all rights should have choked to death long ago on his own venomous rhetoric, continues to exist at His whim as an object lesson intended to teach humans not to tolerate bigoted, ranting nutjobs.

Robertson’s most recent tirade attributing a devastating 7.0 earthquake to a pact made between Satan and the entire island nation of Haiti seems to have precipitated the enlightening declaration made by the Almighty. Read the full story

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Texas Conservatives Vote to Make Textbooks “Right”


AUSTIN, TX (GlossyNews) — Despite the ongoing efforts of educators to create national standards for public schools, the Texas school board has seceded from the debate by proposing sweeping changes to its social studies curriculum that would highlight the underrated achievements of conservatives, emphasize the role of Christianity in American history and include Republican political philosophies in textbooks. Read the full story

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Ethics Committee Investigation Finds Rep. Eric Massa “Icky”


NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — Former New York Representative Eric Massa admitted to groping male staff members, but claims that he never behaved in a sexually inappropriate manner. Massa, age 50, went a step further and told reporters that he didn’t think rough-play with other men unusual. But aides and staffers didn’t seem to share Massa’s fondness for horsing around. One aide said, “It’s like that old song. You say tomato, I say molestation.” Read the full story

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David Lynch Confirmed to Direct John Edwards Biopic


More trouble for John Edwards surfaced this week when a close family friend told various gossip publications that the disgraced former Democratic presidential candidate struck his cancer-stricken wife during a shocking marriage-ending brawl. Read the full story

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Sarah Palin Proudly Earns GED — And Real, Not Honorary


Sandpoint, ID (GlossyNews) — Sarah Palin may not be smarter than an inner-city or deep-south fifth grader, but on Friday, she’ll earned something few 5th graders have — a high school diploma; well, a high school equivalency certificate, at any rate.

After months of intensive study at a secret compound in Idaho, former gubernatorial quitter Palin has successfully completed the requirements for her GED, including the “trying” written test. Her success comes well ahead of the 1 -year deadline she backdated for herself in hindsight. Read the full story

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Posted in Politics, Strange PeopleComments (0)

Paliens Infiltrate Sarah Palin Events to Undermine Conservatives


Little is known about the group calling itself “Paliens” but sources have indicated that they are a group of clairvoyants who are secretly infiltrating Sarah Palin events and using their supernatural powers to alter the intelligence of Palin herself to undermine the chances of the conservative party picking up any further senate seats in 2010. It is believed that the Paliens are part of a larger, more universal group that goes by the name “Libertaliens.” Read the full story

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House GOP Deny Irrelevancy: “Bull Nipples Would be VERY Useful”


Washington, DC: Congressional Republicans reacted angrily today at accusations of abject incompetence and political irrelevance from both within and outside the party. Republican leaders denied their perceived lack of any direction for the country in terms of ideas or policies was actually their “greatest strength.” Read the full story

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