Tag Archive | "Pennsylvania"

Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name


Wyomissing, Pennsylvania – Professional Tailor, Bill Swift, Owner and Operator of Tailor Swift’s House of Threds, has been an expert at altering clothing since his shop first opened in June of 1979 on the corner of Reading Boulevard and Clayton Avenue in downtown Wyomissing.

Known to the locals as Tailor Swift, he has pleased thousands of customers with his precise and cost efficient tailoring, relying only on word-of-mouth advertising to increase his customer base. Read the full story

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Olive Garden’s Dirty Secret Uncovered!


Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – The location where the last known Olive Garden once stood before it succumbed to extinction was the site of a groundbreaking find on Thursday when archaeologists unexpectedly discovered a new insect that has been named the Mantodoughia Dictyoptera or Baking Mantis.

The insect is a close relative of the Praying Mantis although it has different features including a body in the shape of a breadstick and the ability to lure in its prey with a strong aroma of buttery garlic spray. Read the full story

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Undercover PennDOT Workers Disguised As Cops To Secretly Finish Turnpike Construction


PITTSBURGH — The Pennsylvania Department of Transportation (PennDOT) recently announced plans to disguise an elite group of its workers as police officers and place them in construction zones along the Pennsylvania Turnpike in order to secretly finish some of the roadwork. Read the full story

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Top Ten Things that Will Happen on Groundhog Day


It’s a merry, storied tradition in Punxsatawney, PA, one that goes back 123 years (including leap years). Lore has it that if Punxsatawney Phil sees his shadow, he predicts six more weeks of winter.

Phil has rarely been wrong, or right for that matter, as his prediction is sufficiently squirrely (a term for which he has particular distaste) that one could argue he’s always right… or wrong.

But February 2nd is more than just my mom’s birthday. No, it’s a landmark that only occurs on about 1/4 of 1% of all days on the calendar.

Well our prediction is that today will be more than mere shadows and winter. Here are the top ten GlossyNews.com predictions for Groundhog Day 2013.

  1. Bill Murray will refuse to answer any telephone calls, as is his custom.
  2. Phil will see a negative shadow, predicating summer arriving two weeks ago, to the shock of all in the northeast.
  3. The groundhog will come out, see how chubby his hog shadow is, and declare four more weeks of P90x to burn off that stubborn winter fat.
  4. The shadow will emerge and eat Punxsutawney Phil. Onlookers will not protest.
  5. Brian Doyle-Murray will tell five different people at a bar that he was in the film “Groundhog Day”. One will buy him a drink.
  6. The Republicans Will Declare 6 More Years of War on the Climate Change Believers, leading to record fundraising.
  7. Nothing. Punxsutawney Phil died, Punxsutawney Paul, a known layabout, moved into his digs and was late getting out of bed.
  8. Some gun nut gets Groundhog Day confused with the beginning of hunting season.
  9. Julian Assange will claim that Wikileaks has documents to prove Groundhog Day is a government conspiracy, much like daylight savings time.
  10. Charlie Sheen surprises everyone by proclaiming himself Mayor of Punxsutawney. Citizens will embrace him as their new leader.

This article also had contributions from Brian K. White.

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Posted in Environment, Human InterestComments (2)

Hurricane-Struck PA Vote Complete, Romney Claims All 5


GlossyNews.com – The republican vote in the state of Pennsylvania has been completed and tallied. All 5 votes were reportedly allocated to two-time presidential hopeful and failed former Governor Willard Mitt Romney.

The democratic observer at the polling place has filed an official complaint over voter intimidation for the count, which drove up the number of Republican votes, which is expected to delay the results from becoming official. Read the full story

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Pennsylvania Poll Workers Suspiciously Republican


GlossyNews.com – Voters in Chester, Drexel Hill and Springfield were met with a surprising bit of help when they went to the polls this morning; free helpers. While these poll workers were outside of polling places, they were very ready to assist voters in finding their precincts.

“This nice young man in khakis and a white pressed shirt met me out in front of the place I normally go to vote,” said Norma-Jean Roberts, an African-American women in her 70s. “These nice young men told me I was supposed to be voting in North Philly. That’s clear across town!” Read the full story

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