Tag Archive | "Party"

5 Steps To Hosting A Million Dollar Party


So, you made your way into college…Great, good job! Now all that’s left for you to do, is to acknowledge you have no place there and all your future holds for you is a prime career in flipping burgers.

Nah, I’m joking, you’re probably the spoiled brat of a millionaire anyway and you don’t have to lift a finger for the rest of your life. The only reason you’re in college is because it’s good PR for your father’s business empire. Read the full story

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial, SocietyComments (8)

31% Chance that Miley Cyrus Will Develop Frostbite During New Year’s Performance


New York, NY – Pop icon and cultural wrecking ball Miley Cyrus is scheduled to headline the festivities in Times Square, performing just before the ball drops to start the New Year. According to forecasters, the weather at midnight should be about 26 degrees Fahrenheit, with 12 mph winds, putting the wind chill in the low teens. While frostbite does not typically begin to set in until the wind chill has dropped down to -20, the charts were made by doctors who assumed that people would be wearing clothes. If the past year of Miley Cyrus’ life has suggested anything, it’s that this is a bold assumption.

In an official statement, ABC stated that “[p]aramedics will be standing by with buckets of warm water and new clothes for Ms. Cyrus” if frostbite should begin to set in during or after her set. The statement did not disclose where Ms. Cyrus’ old clothes will be at that time, hinting at the nature of her performance.

“As if it’s possible for her to do a show and not strip down,” 24-year-old single male and typical Miley fan Seth Hanes said, adding that, if she didn’t, he’d ask for his money back.

“I’d use her tits to hang up my coat,” another fan told us, with a wink and an “if you know what I mean.”

“Of course she’s going to have exposed skin,” Rolling Stone reporter Biz Jenkins scoffed, “Really, the only question is what part of her starts going blue.”

Reports of numerous betting pools on this exact topic have been confirmed, with wagers on which part of Miley’s skin would turn color the quickest. The current 3 to 1 favorite is her tongue.

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment, Environment, Music, Science & Technologizzy, Society, Strange People, TelevisionComments (2)

The Biggest Boozer Tossed After Two Episodes


It’s official: the Biggest Boozer has been canceled. This whale puke of a summer replacement only made two pilot episodes before producers mercifully pulled the plug.

“We know the contract says you get paid for 6 episodes. Just take the money and stop filming this crap!” screamed one producer during negotiations for a permanent spot in the fall line-up. Read the full story

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Posted in EntertainmentComments (7)

Spring Break Jokes


With warmer weather approaching and Spring Break right around the corner, Glossy News has decided, against our normal routine, to share some jokes.

Normally we structure some sort of premise then jam all the jokes in around it, but sometimes it’s just easier this way.

Why do Spring Breakers not like blond jokes?
They always have to find a blond to explain them.

Did you hear about the Spring Breaker who had a brain bruise?
He sat down too hard.

Why does Bud beer always sell so well at Spring Break?
Spring breakers can’t pronounce Heinekin.

Did you hear about the special type of DUI that the police issue at Spring Break?
Driving Under the Intelligence level.

Why do Spring Breakers always run around naked?
They haven’t figured out how buttons and zippers work yet.

What do you call twins on Spring Break?
A good reason for legalizing abortions.

Why do Spring Breakers use snowboards that are rounded at both ends?
Because they don’t know if they are coming or going.

How do you tell the difference between a regular tourist and a Spring Breaker?
A regular tourist will not be found in the morning upside down stoned in a trash can with his pants missing and one of his socks over his genitals (usually).

How does a female college student explain to her dad that she is pregnant four months after coming home from Spring Break?
“He told me it was a condom. How was I to know it was the plastic bag from the wine bottle?”

Why do college students drink so much at Spring Break?
They find that diminished brain cells help lessen the blow of failing out of school.

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NOTE – To those wishing to comment- Yes, I know this is not an article. Just take it for what it is and we will all be a lot happier and maybe have a chuckle.

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Posted in TravelComments (2)

Brazil Economists Say Brazil Loss is Victory for Brazil Economy


RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (GlossySports) -– While almost every Brazilian is saddened by the stunning loss of their team to the Netherlands in the quarter-final match, economists in Brazil are celebrating unabashedly, claiming that the loss has a decidedly silver lining. Read the full story

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Posted in Biz News, Sports, Sports EventsComments (0)

Brazil Steals Oktoberfest from Germans


Blumenau, SC, Brazil – In what can only be called the biggest beer coup of the decade, the town of Blumenau, Brazil has stolen yet another world’s biggest party, this time from the Germans. When it comes to hedonism, Brazilians have the corner on the market. Read the full story

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Posted in Entertainment, TravelComments (4)

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