Paris Hilton Reps Assure Latest Scandal “Totally Isn’t” About Cocaine

BEVERLY HILLS, California (GlossyNews) — Paris Hilton, A-list Hollywood actress and star of the the hit film One Night in Paris as well as box office disappointments Bottom’s Up and The Hottie and The Nottie, was involved in a scandalous, embarrassing incident on Wednesday morning June 30, 2010 that may jeopardize the mega-thespian’s future career.

At approximately 6:44 AM, Ms. Hilton was seen leaving a 7-11 convenience store on the outskirts of Beverly Hills. According to reports, the actress was on her way home from an overnight session on Sunset Boulevard where she was researching a potential film role of an alcoholic prostitute when she quickly veered into the convenience store’s parking lot, double-parked and shambled into the store at an extremely brisk pace.

Rageesh Patell, the store’s owner and manager was on duty at the time and reports that Paris did not buy a single item from the store. He claims that she bee-lined directly into the Unisex restroom where she stayed with the door locked for approximately four minutes.

I was able to contact Mr. Patell about this potentially harrowing situation for Ms. Hilton. Below is a transcript from the instant message interview conducted this morning:

-Me: Good morning Mr. Patell. Can you describe in detail Ms. Hilton’s visit to your store this morning?
-Patell: Yes.
-Me: OK….
-Patell: Yes?
-Me: Please describe what transpired in your store this morning.
-Patell: What means teanspired?
-Me: What happened when Paris Hilton visited your store today?
-Patell: She run into store and run into bathroom. She keep door locked and stay in there long time. When she leave she come out with sunglasses on and hurry out of store.
-Me: Was there anything unusual about Ms. Hilton’s appearance upon entering or leaving your store?
Patell: Yes.
-Me: Explain, please
-Patell: she was walk very funny when she come in like with legs together and she slam door to bathroom. When she leave I go into bathroom to check and there was toilet paper on the floor and there was funny smell like dog poo mixed with pencil shavings. My wife buy paris Hilton perfume at TJ Maxx on sale last week and bathroom smell like that but with other funny smell.

Unfortunately, at this point in the interview I lost connection with Mr. Patell and was unable to resume.

From the information gathered, it appears as though Ms. Hilton was simply at the store to use the public restroom for personal reasons.

Paris Hilton is refusing to comment on the situation although reports have surfaced that there is surveillance footage of her entering and leaving the grimy bathroom. A statement was released by one of Hilton’s publicists regarding this embarrassing incident. We are the first official media source to have a copy of this statement.

According to the publicist: “It is a sad day in America when my client would be accused of using a public restroom to use the toilet. I’d like to assure everyone concerned that Ms. Hilton would never demean herself in such a manner and she was not, I repeat, was NOT at the convenience store to perform the disgusting deed that the media is implying.

There is a simple and logical explanation for this occurrence and it is my job to clarify that Paris was simply using the bathroom to snort cocaine. She was recovering from a long night of research and needed a bit of a boost in order to make it home. Paris would like to ensure all of her fans that this is one hundred percent true and she has never used a common person’s bathroom for any purpose other than to ingest drugs.

She is disgusted by these implications and wishes to have her name cleared. As a result of these reports, Ms. Hilton is under an extreme amount of duress and has consulted a family doctor. In order to help her recover, the Doctor has tripled Ms. Hilton’s Xanax prescription for anxiety and doubled her Vicodin prescription for the tension headaches that she has been suffering since this morning. Ms. Hilton will spend the next few days at her home in recovery.

She would like to move on with her productive career and leave this discomforting event behind her. Thank you for your support during this terrible time.”

As soon as any other news surfaces, I will be on top of reporting and keeping everyone updated. How this will affect Paris Hilton’s image is yet to be seen.

Author: Sir Matthew Galazin

If anyone is willing to pay me big money for writing or acting, get in touch.

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