Tag Archive | "Mississippi"

Thad “Cochroach” Cochran Now Considered Lowest Form of Politician


Jackson, MS – It now appears that Republican Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran cheated and used the lowest of political tactics in his recent Republican primary to hang onto his political power at all costs.

Fellow republicans now refer to Thadeus as “Cochroach” Cochran after the campaign his team led against his republican challenger, which lead to a very narrow victory for the politician. Read the full story

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Nutritionist Predicts 80% of Mississippi Population Will Die by 2018


Current statistics show that the people of Mississippi are the fattest in the nation weighing in at an average of 197 lbs. for a 5’8” person. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that their diets play a huge role in just how fat they are. However, it does take a nutritionist, who also happens to be a self-professed clairvoyant, to predict how these numbers will impact the state of Mississippi in the near future. Read the full story

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Conservatives Furious Over Historical Implications Of Mississippi Error


Due to an error in not filing documents stating Mississippi’s ratification of the 13th amendment ending slavery, historical references will now show that slavery ended under President Obama’s second term. Speaker of the House John Boenher stated, “How many lucky f#&%ing breaks can that guy get!”

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State Sues for Intellectual Infringement in One Mississippi, Two Mississippi…


Jackson, MS- GlossyNews.com -Governor Haley Barbour of Mississippi announced today that the State of Mississippi now claims all rights to the use of “Mississippi” between any number while counting out loud.

In today’s press conference, the four-term governor said that the new copyright is not limited to “One Mississippi, Two Mississippi,” and so forth, but will include all integers as well as fractions. Read the full story

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Barbour Picked as 2012 Favorite, for what Remains to be Seen


Haley Barbour this week catapulted past other GOP Presidential hopefuls, a feat considered all the more amazing by leading physicists since Barbour weighs about 350 pounds.

As battle lines form for the 2012 nominating process, consensus among political veterans is that Barbour is demonstrating a shrewdness his rivals will be hard pressed to match. He now appears unstoppable. Read the full story

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Pet Stores Donate Birds to Sop Up BP Oil Spill


New Orleans, LA (GlossyNews) — The announcement that shipments of millions of small household pets would be soon arriving to the gulf region was met with cheers by cleanup crews who had all but exhausted local populations of coastal animals.

Clean up teams from across the area have been complaining that the Federal Emergency Management Agency was slow to act in replacing the dwindling number of terns, gulls, turtles, and other gulf creatures they had been using to sop up the growing volume of crude oil that was spewing into gulf waters at the rate of over 210,000 gallons a day. Read the full story

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