Tag Archive | "military"

GOP/Dems War Duet: You Gotta Save Somebody 


Someone has decided to rewrite Bob Dylan’s Gotta Serve Somebody, to fit the current climate in 2015.

The song has not been well received in Washington. Read the full story

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Obama constituency overwhelmingly supports war with Syria


Despite a Reuters/Ipsos poll showing that only 9% of Americans support military intervention in Syria, the White House today assured the public that a more recent and reliable poll leaves no doubt that the President’s constituency favors war.

The poll was conducted by Defense Industries Systems Information, Inc. (DIS Information). It shows that 99.9% prefer increased U.S. military intervention. The poll has a .1% margin of error. DIS Information spokesperson Lyon Daly spoke to this reporter about the polling methodology and findings.

RIGHT: Obama supporters discuss Syria options. Read the full story

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Have Americans discovered the secret to happiness?


His Excellency, Lyoncho Karma Tobgye, Minister of Happiness in the Kingdom of Bhutan, asked to meet me because of my reputation for telling the truth while avoiding or inventing facts, which is the opposite of most journalists. Here is a transcript of our conversation:

RIGHT: Artwork by Henry Martin. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Intelligence Suggests France May Have a Military


Washington DC- Senior pentagon officials have released a statement where they have confirmed the long speculated existence of a French military.

“We were just scanning Africa, you know, because we were bored,” says an off the record source. “And because we were especially bored, we happened to scan over Mali. You would not believe what we found there. A French military.”

Other sources verify the claims made by US Military intelligence.

“There, in fact, seems to be some sort of military capability coming from France,” Explains Sierra Santiago of the American Red Cross.

RIGHT: Silly hats have been a clear distinction of tracking down French military personel.
(CLICK TO ENLARGE)

“We were just responding to a request of the Malian government in regards to prisoners of war. Then it turns out, the French were the ones who captured them. Go figure.”

Although the French Military has been typically regarded as a welcoming committee by many respectable historians and the public alike.

When asked about the possibility of the existence of a French military threat, President Barack Obama responded after a brief moment of laughter. He said, “I have met with the French prime minister, and he reassured me that they did not have a military.”

Jean-Marc Ayrault, Prime Minister of France, responded by reassuring the international community that France does indeed have a capable and powerful military. He then hastily drew a picture of a tank and insisted it was satellite footage.

Secretary of Defense, Leon Panetta reassured a room full of wrestles reporters that, “ It doesn’t matter if they do or do not have a military. I remain fairly confident that it would have very little impact utilized in any capacity.”

Francios Hollande, President and Commander in Chief of the French military pleaded, “Does every one think Al-Quaeda of the Maghreb just left Gao?”

This drew nothing but blank stares from the reporters present at the press conference.

Hollande responded by exclaiming, “It’s the biggest city in Mali!”

When questioned about the ordeal, Vice President Joe Biden commented by saying, “French Military? You mean French manicure, ha. Am I right? Seriously, French military is an oxymoron. Its pretty easy to attack Libya when you got our kick ass drones backing you up.”

At this time, the speculations still remain uncorroborated with high profile arguments going either way. Although there seems to be hard evidence for the existence of a French military, there doesn’t seem to be much effect from it.

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Posted in War ZoneComments (1)

U.S. Congressman defends citizen right to all weapons


U.S. Congressman Ted Yoho (Republican – Florida) has come out in favor of American citizens owning the same weapons as the U.S. military. “On guns, [my constituents] were saying that the sentiment, when you read the Second Amendment, is that the militia had the same equipment as the military to protect them against the tyrannical government,” said Yoho. “I think it’s more important today than ever, that we uphold our second amendment.”

RIGHT: U.S. Congressman Ted Yoho (R-FL) opens the way for personal nukes. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Hillary Clinton: Flies (and Aircraft) Will Fly in No-Fly Zone


U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Turkish Foreign Minister Ahmet Davutoglu indicated in an August meeting with reporters that they were exploring the possible imposition of a no-fly zone over Syria.

Secretary Clinton was on an official visit to Turkey. I reached her by phone shortly after the meeting.

PHOTO: US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton (L), Turkey’s President Abdullah Gul (C) and Foreign Minister Ahmet Davutoglu (R) (AFP) CLICK TO ENLARGE Read the full story

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Posted in World NewsComments (2)

Flex Seal Product Allows Poland to Realize Dream of Screen-Door Submarine


Gdynia – A simple household product has the potential to destabilize the balance of naval power in the Baltic Sea. Two Cold War era Polish submarines, both of which had sunk immediately after their initial launch, were recently raised from the depths of the harbor at the northern Polish port of Gdynia.

While in dry dock, the screen doors of both boats, which Polish officials suspect were the cause of each sinking, were thoroughly sprayed and sealed with Flex Seal, a liquid rubber sealant guaranteed to “coat, seal, and stop leaks fast.” Read the full story

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Posted in War ZoneComments (4)

Nano-Chip Brain Implant Allows Users to Instantly Speak Foreign Language


The first-ever nano-chip language translators are rolling off the assembly line and into cosmetic surgeons’ offices quicker than you can say “Se Habla Espanol?” No longer will it be necessary for those wishing to learn a second or even third language to go through the arduous process of weeks and weeks of studying tapes or attending language classes. Read the full story

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy, TechnologyComments (10)

China is Eating Our Lunch – And It’s Dim-Sum, Dim Bulb


The relief guard approached the other guard as he was on his watch. As usual Cecil’s mind was fixed on some inner scene; his eyes half closed and blank, his face dumb and peaceful like a cow in a field of abundant clover. It struck a chord of anger in Myron to see him this way and there arose in him the desire to smash him in the chest with the butt of his gun. Read the full story

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Tweetle Beetle Tactics To Be Used By The Military


In 1965, Dr. Theodore “Seuss” Geisel published his war study, “Fox in Socks.” The final 20% of the book discusses tactics and strategy employed by Tweetle Beetles in battle conditions. One sentence reads:

“When beetles fight their battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle’s on a poodle and the poodle’s eating noodles, they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle.”

General Kenton Burnside of the National War College has recently completed a more in-depth research study into Tweetle Beetle Battles. Read the full story

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Posted in Top Stories, War ZoneComments (4)

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Yields McCain Tell-All Backdoor Book


Senator John McCain’s fierce stance against repealing the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law has brought about speculation of his hatred for homosexuals. While McCain cites the hardships that military members face in Iraq and Afghanistan, many others are accusing the senator of attempting to bury his own skeletons. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, PoliticsComments (4)

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