Tag Archive | "Kim Jong Il"

Nightmares Prompt Kim Jong-un to Take Up Zumba


Apparently, fear of his dead father is resurfacing in a big way and has been keeping N. Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un up nights for well over a year now.

The leader is said to be suffering from an ongoing bout of the vapors, leaving him feeling puny and out of sorts.

A recurring nightmare finds the North Korean leader face-to-face with his not-so-dead father who is taking the pudgy little tyrant to task for not being such a tyrant after all. Read the full story

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Kim Jong-Il ‘Completes Death Star’


According to North Korean propaganda, Kim Jong-Il has achieved every Star Wars fan boys wet dream and finished his “Death Star” and claims it is ‘now fully operational’.

Our source in North Korea report that ‘Talks of an attack have already begun, Kim Jong-il has already been fitted for his black cape, he is just waiting for his perspiration lenses to be put in his limited edition Darth Vadar helmet he got off Ebay.’

See the rest of the story on YouTube, or scroll down for the video.

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N,. Korean Missile Found to be Powered by Diet Pepsi, Mentos


A long range missile shot by North Korea over Japan on Sunday turned out to be a giant tube filled with Mentos and Diet Pepsi.

The missile shot sent fear through the Asian nations that perceive North Korea as a wild card capable of anything.

Country leader Kim Il Un claimed that the missile merely sent a communications satellite into orbit, but most believe that it was really a test of their long range missile capabilities. Read the full story

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Kim Jong Un Releases New Book: Daddy–The Tenderer Moments


PYONGYANG—Recently, Iron E-News was given the rare chance to attend a very special and exclusive book signing in an exotic, distant, and oft misunderstood place: the residential palaces in the heart of the DPRK.

Kim Jong Un, the son of the late and great example to dictators everywhere, officially released his first mini autobiography just last week. Read the full story

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North Korea To Recycle Kim


PYONGYANG, North Korea —GlossyNews The government of North Korea announced on Thursday that it would place the embalmed body of recently passed Kim Jong-il on permanent display next to his father’s body at Kumsusan Palace in Pyongyang and install his statues, portraits and memorial Towers of Eternal Life across the country. Read the full story

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Kim Jong Il Crush on Bill Richardson Intensifies after Latest Visit


Kim Jong Il is said to still be talking about the wonderful visit he had with his “American GI buddy” earlier this month.

Those who know Kim Jong Il intimately claim that it was no coincidence that Richardson was chosen to travel to North Korea to discuss various issues concerning nuclear power and tension with South Korea. They say Kim has a huge “man crush” on New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson. Read the full story

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Kim Jong Il Earns Enhance Nickname ‘Lil Dick’


North Korea’s bombing of a residential district on a South Korean island this past week has the entire world on edge to see what lies ahead. The United States is already responding to the threat while holding talks with China to ask for their assistance in dealing with the loose cannon that is North Korea’s leadership.

In particular, all fingers are pointing at the pint-sized leader of N. Korea, Kim Jong Il as masterminding the attack. Read the full story

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Snubbed the Cast of “Jersey Shore,” Kim Jong Il Attacks S. Korea


SEOUL, South Korea — Fourteen South Korean Marines and two South Korean civilians were injured after North Korea fired dozens of shells at a South Korean border island on Monday. The attack comes only days after it was discovered that North Korea was pressing ahead with its illegal nuclear program.

South Korean President Lee Myung-Bak scrambled jet fighters, moved civilians into shelters and called an emergency security meeting with his advisors, a presidential spokesman told reporters. In light of North Korea’s admission of having built a new uranium enrichment facility, which violates its international obligations, tensions have escalated across the globe. Read the full story

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Four North Korean Soccer Players Missing, More to Follow


DURBAN, South Africa (GlossyNews) — Four players on the North Korean Soccer Team have gone missing. They were unaccounted for on Friday when they failed to show up for practice.

Rumors are swirling that the missing team members have defected and are seeking political asylum in the host country of South Africa. While they probably would have been happier had the World Cup been played in a country that had a larger Korean population such as America or the United Kingdom, Read the full story

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Kim Jong Il Punishes North Koreans with Live Broadcast of World Cup Match with Portugal


Pyongyang, North Korea (GlossyNews) -– The North Korean government struck an agreement with the Asia-Pacific Broadcasting Union to beam a live broadcast of the soccer game on Monday of the match between North Korea and Portugal. But instead of this being a time to rejoice that North Korea’s ruler, Kim Jong Il is finally doing something to counteract the many human rights he has leveled against his people, the North Koreans believe he just did it to make their lives more miserable. Read the full story

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U.S. Supports North Korea’s Execution of Official Who Ruined Economy


PYONGYANG, North Korea (GlossyNews) — During a time when brewing unrest and financial insolvency are destabilizing the country, North Korean officials have executed Labor Party Chief Pak Nam-ki before a firing squad as punishment for a bureaucratic blunder. Read the full story

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Clinton: North Korea Needs Good Spanking


Phuket, Thailand – Hillary Clinton angrily announced yesterday from Phuket (pronounced “fuh-ket” or alternatively “Phuket”), that she’s had it with North Koreans, likening them to little children demanding attention. Read the full story

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N. Korea on Bush: “Only After Our Coal”


PYONGYANG, N. KOREA – In a statement released Friday, North Korea’s President Kim Jong II denounced President Bush’s diplomatic pressure on his nation and accused America of targeting North Korea because of the country’s coal, iron, magnesite, graphite, copper, zinc, and lead mining prospects. The U.S. claims its diplomatic efforts have come as a response to Kim’s refusal to acknowledge the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty in December, but North Korea fears the U.S. is after much more. Read the full story

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