Tag Archive | "Justin Bieber"

Justin Bieber to Replace AC/DC’s Phil Rudd


AC/DC’s Phil Rudd is currently under house arrest for drug related criminal incidents. But it seems unlikely his fellow moshers will be keeping a seat warm for him.

Justin Bieber’s stellar solo career is about to come to an end! But don’t cry, things are going to get even better for the music scene. Justin Bieber is going to become the new chief singer of AC/DC! Not only that: lead singer Brian Johnson is about to step down.

Oh, my gosh!

Gushes Brian: Read the full story

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Taylor Swift’s “Sh*t List” Keeps Growing


The ongoing feud between Taylor Swift and Katy Perry has reached a boiling point that even puts recent ISIS headlines to shame.

This bloody battle, comparable to the likes of Gettysburg, allegedly began over self-proclaimed asshole, John Mayor.

The most recent blow was struck by Swift. Known as America’s sweet tart, she recently accused “someone” of trying to steal several of her back up dancers mid-tour. Read the full story

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Bieber Fans Rejoice After Pizza Grease Reveals Deceased Singer’s Image


Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Justin Bieber fans everywhere celebrated the passing of arguably the greatest performer in American history this weekend when pizza grease on a napkin at BoBo’s Pizza Kitchen in South Philadelphia revealed a clear image of the late star.

“I actually had a heart attack when I looked down and saw the image in front of me,” said longtime pizza lover and Bieber fan, Martin Slomvieskewicz, as he was being released from the hospital after a two day stay on Monday.

“It was like he was speaking to me from beyond the grave and it was the best and worst moment of my life. Ouch!” Added Slomvieskewicz. Read the full story

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Student Not Traumatized After Sex With Teacher


15-year-old Josh Hanby claims he was not at all traumatized after having sex with his 27-year-old French Teacher Ms. Elaine Francois and actually seemed to enjoy the experience.

“Man, it was fricking great!” Hanby stated. “She’s smokin hot! I’d do her again if she wasn’t locked up!”

Despite Hanby’s obvious enjoyment of the experience, law enforcement personnel were notified and Ms Francois has been arrested for statutory rape of a person under 16. If convicted she faces a minimum of 5 years behind bars and will have to register as a sex offender for the rest of her life.

Police say that on April 13 of this year Hanby stopped off at Ms Francois residence for some “private tutoring” in French. During the tutoring session Hanby made mention of the size of Ms Francois’ breasts and put his hand on her thigh. Things quickly escalated out of control until the two engaged in a torrid act of copulation.

Hanby’s father said he didn’t think Ms. Francois should be incarcerated. “That boy has not stopped smiling since it happened!” the father declared. “His grades are going up, he’s more attentive at school, he’s participating in sports and he’s the envy of all his friends!”

Psychologists have determined that regardless of the young man’s initial experience, he will suffer trauma later in life. “Sex at such a young age could result in psychosis, hallucinations and a host of psychological problems”, said childhood psychologist Barry Carne. “To maintain good mental health a child should remain a virgin until at least 17”.

Meanwhile, the young Hanby has started dating 16-year-old cheerleader Vanessa Bertalucci. “Now if I get laid it will be legal. At least until she turns 18”, the young man stated.

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Justin Bieber Dead, Reports Twitter User JoshuaDJ22


NEW YORK, NY – Canadian pop-star and school kid Justin Bieber was tragically killed today when a truck driver accidentally ran over the star in downtown New York, reports bored Twitter user @JoshuaDJ22.

In a 120-character post, @JoshuaDJ22 announced that Bieber – singer of hits One Time, One Less Lonely Girl and Baby – was killed shortly after leaving the Island Records office complex this afternoon. Read the full story

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Bodyguard Sues Wrong Bieber Out of Shame


After learning just a day ago about a lawsuit filed against Justin Bieber by Moshe Benabou, a former bodyguard of the teen singer, this reporter felt there had to be more to the story than met the eye, and boy, was I right!

After doing some judicious investigating, I discovered that some time last October, Jeremy Bieber, who does not live with his son or the boy’s mother, had gone to the teen sensation’s dressing room in order to congratulate him after yet another successful concert, but after opening the door, found him ‘relaxing’ with the aforementioned Benabou. Read the full story

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Justin Bieber May Soon Start Using Heroin, Meth According to Experts


Experts examining a recent photo of Justin Bieber smoking marijuana fear that the youthful pop star may soon graduate to harder drugs such as heroin and methamphetamines.

“Pot is a gateway drug to harder substances”, said Los Angeles youth counselor Sister Mary Francis Hardon. “And it will make him want to have sex! Can you imagine that young man having sex with all those disgusting, youthful girls who shove their breasts and vaginas into his face! It’s appalling!” Read the full story

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72% of Justin Bieber Fans Fail Turing Test


Alan Turing developed a level of accomplishment called the “Turing Test”, which was; can a computer trick a human into believing it is human.

It turns out, in tests, 72% of Justin Bieber fans failed this test, leading researchers to assume that they were less-than human.

Lead Researcher Gupta-Gupta Khamari from University of California, Berkeley, explained the findings like this. Read the full story

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Justin Bieber Seeks Counseling after Suffering from ‘Normal Thoughts’


LONDON, ONTARIO–In a highly publicized press conference yesterday, Scooter Braun, manager of Canadian teen-pop idol Justin Bieber, revealed that the young star is seeking professional help for what he describes as “recurring, and almost debilitating, normal thoughts”.

“Justin has had a serious relapse, but he is getting the help he needs,” said Braun.

“Our team of celebrity psychiatrists have assured me that Justin will not suffer any long-term effects from these thoughts and that he will be back to spreading Bieber Fever in no time.” Read the full story

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