A Smegmadale Jewish priest, Rabbi Sheldon Scrunt, dialled 999 when staff at Manchester Airport’s W H Smuts bookstore would not allow him to use the toilet, then subsequently shit kittens when the plods turned up and arrested him for making a nuisance emergency services call.

He was later released with a good slap round the head after pleading extenuating circumstances for making his call as he suffered from an enlarged prostate and also chronic IBS due his rhubarb addiction. Read the full story