Tag Archive | "gun rights"

NRA Starts Big Push To Get Guns Into The Hands Of As Many Wackos As Possible

Realizing statistically that whenever there is a gun related mass murder by a mentally ill individual or group that gun sales go up out of fear that they will be outlawed.

Because of this gun manufacturers have started pushing the NRA to get more guns into the hands of as many psychopaths as possible.

A secret email has been acquired by a hacker and turned over to Washington newspapers who in turn exposed it to the reading public. Read the full story


Posted in CrimeComments (0)

Fullerton Pacifist Joins NRA – Buys Uzi

Fullerton, Orange County, CA – Fullerton resident and lifelong pacifist Dylan Donovan today announced that he has finally caved in to environmental pressures by joining the NRA and buying an Uzi sub-machine gun. Speaking from his home in downtown Fullerton, Donovan told reporters:

“I’ve always been against violence in any shape or form. I’ve also believed in the rights of any individual – regardless of race, sexual orientation or gender – to live a life unimpeded by violence of any description. It breaks my heart to say it, but I just don’t feel safe anymore.” Read the full story


Posted in Crooked Cops, Top StoriesComments (3)

Gun Makers Pissed Shoop Mall Shooting Only Kills Himself

American Arms Manufacturers are upset that a man had the audacity to enter a mall, shoot it up, and not intentionally hit anyone else other than himself.

On Nov. 3rd 20 year old Richard Shoop entered the New Jersey Garden State Plaza Mall, shooting into the walls and ceiling but not harming anyone.

RIGHT: Garden State Plaza Mall gunman Richard Shoop’s “Explore Talent” web entry. CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE.

Police evacuated the mall and found Shoop’s body hours later, dead from a self inflicted gunshot wound.

Gun manufacturers have been ‘up in arms’ about it. Pun intended.

“What the hell is the purpose of that?” asked Joe Bullhead, spokesman for Fun Guns, a line of guns in various colors that can be easily concealed on ones person.

“He went to all that trouble and then only shot himself! If he had made a massacre there would have been a big deal about it in the media, then people would have rattled on about gun control which in turn would have sent other people scrambling to buy guns thinking they would be banned. We would have made a mint! But this guy has to go and waste such an opportunity. What an idiot!”

“This obviously was a very disturbed individual.” stated Joe Kill, a promoter of gun shows and pro gun events across the country. “He had entirely the wrong idea of what assault rifles are all about. They aren’t designed for shooting up walls and windows.

“They are meant for shooting people. Duh!!!!!!! A real psycho would have made his mark then and there. He could have done a lot for putting more guns into peoples hands and more money into our pockets, but no, he had to go and be self centered about it.”

“Using guns is for real men, not wussies.” said Tore Breakbone, a survivalist trainer who also sells ammo online. “This spineless Richard Shoop will never have an action movie made about him! He was just some punk kid who wanted to go out in a blaze of glory and fame. His blaze is more of the flickering of a wet match and his fame is to be remembered as a wet noodle of a rifleman. He should be buried in an unmarked grave for such wimpiness as that.”

Gun control advocates, being deft about the situation, wisely did not make a big issue about the Shoop incident, saying only “Good, he shot himself.” This enraged gun sellers even more, causing them even greater sales losses due to the passive reaction to the near-tragedy.

Trying to recoup their non-sales, they attempted sponsoring a pro-gun protest at the Garden State Plaza Mall itself, but failed due to a lack of interest because there were no gun control advocates to piss off, thus ruining their whole incentive.


Posted in CrimeComments (1)

Study: Illegal Gun Owners Have Larger Genitalia

In a recent study published jointly by the NAACP and the NCAA, it has been found that those possessing firearms illegally have a penis, on average, three inches longer.

“It’s true,” said Rebecca Haywood, spokeswoman and study researcher. “I’ve seen every man through this detention center in the past month, and I have to say, guys who don’t have [concealed license] permits are bigger in the penis by two standard deviations.” Read the full story


Posted in Strange PeopleComments (2)

Due to Cowardice, U.S. senators Forced to Spell Title w/ Small ‘s’

Americans, sick of the kowtowing and cowardice of their elected officials in the face of NRA intimidation when voting to defeat even the most reasonable of gun control, have elected to force the Senators to use a small ‘s’ in front of their once proud title.

The effect of this new development has been surprisingly humiliating to the Senators…oops, excuse me- ‘senators’.

A visible upset senator James Grabcash, scion of a family well entrenched in the tobacco industry, was almost to the point of tears when interviewed. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

NRA’s LaPierre Holds America Hostage

Two narrowed eyes peeked out of the slats over the window that were already narrow enough by themselves. They gazed imperturbably at the scores of police and FBI agents that surrounded the NRA ranch estate in North Carolina.

Those eyes belong to Wayne LaPierre, the once clean cut, All American holy saint of the National Rifle Association, now disheveled, grizzled, crazed and no longer mincing words. Read the full story


Posted in Strange PeopleComments (5)

Senator Graham Goes For The Low Hanging Fruit

South Carolina Republican Senator Lindsey Graham today championed his desire to restrict the ability to own fire arms to those who are no longer capable of knowing right from wrong.

The senator laid out his thoughts in what many believed was a basic assumption with any gun control initiatives currently before either house of congress. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Roque LA Officer Chris Dorner Proposed NRA Speaker

In a move that is even stunning for the NRA, a speaking offer has been made to former LAPD officer Christopher Dorner to speak at the next NRA convention.

The decision has many inside the organization questioning the overall impact it will have on their current negative publicity. Read the full story


Posted in Crime, Crooked CopsComments (8)

Pro-Gunners Disapprove Label “Sandy Hookers”

In an unsurprising turn of events, the pro-gunners like Wayne LaPierre of the NRA have come out publicly to insist they do not like being called “Sandy Hookers”. They have also said they don’t like being called “pro-gunners”.

“Just because we feel the tragic events at Sandy Hook shouldn’t be politicized doesn’t mean you can call us Sandy Hooker,” explained Todd Halford, a Tea Party activist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Read the full story


Posted in Crime, SocietyComments (3)

Pro-gun Lobby Calls for State-Level Ban On Schools

WASHINGTON D.C. – Almost a month after a gunman claimed the lives of nearly 30 people at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT, members of a pro-gun group have urged states across the nation to pass tough legislation aimed at banning the use of schools.

Chairman of Capital Arms – a firearms advocacy group in Washington D.C. – Todd Bryant insisted Tuesday that “tragedies like Newtown could have been prevented if kids didn’t have such easy access to educational buildings.” Read the full story


Posted in Crime, Strange PeopleComments (2)

NRA solves gun violence problem: Bullet-proof vests for every American

A small minority of Americans (estimated to be less than 87%) were shocked by recent remarks by Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the National Rifle Association, the world’s largest gun rights lobbying organization.

In his remarks LaPierre argued forcefully that the problem is not that there are too many guns in America. The problem is that there are not enough of them. Putting the blame for youth violence squarely where it belongs, LaPierre argued that the problem is not that deadly weapons are almost as easy to buy as toothpaste. Read the full story


Posted in CrimeComments (1)

DIY Assault Rifle Goes on Sale, Despite ACLU Support

BMB Industries has introduced the new Black Momba Assault Rifle Kit claiming, ‘it can be assembled right in the peace and comfort of your own home using simple, everyday tools.’

The Black Momba kit, model M-160-B assault rifle, will be released for sale via online retailers tomorrow and will fill the needs of descriminating first-time gun owners in time for Christmas. Read the full story


Posted in Gadgets & GizmosComments (0)

Tennessee’s Jackass Race Still Too Close to Call

Insiders have always watched Tennessee elections closely. The reasons for this scrutiny are varied. Partly, it’s the famous axiom ‘As Tennessee goes, so goes Kentucky usually.’ More than that though, the Volunteer state has always provided America with a cornucopia of self-serving, condescending twits.

From Lamar Alexander to Al Gore, it’s statistically undeniable that the next brain numbingly boring person to seize the national spotlight will hail from the rocks and hills of Tennessee. So it’s understandable that in tumultuous 2010, all eyes turn to the state’s gubernatorial contest. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

NRA Pushes For Personal Atom Bomb For Every American

The National Rifle Association unleashed its new campaign to allow all American citizens “their God-given rights to own an atom bomb!” The public is being bombarded with television, newspaper, movie and billboard ads pushing the new ‘right’ that the NRA feels should be passed through Congress. Already the Fox News channel has picked up the baton and is aggressively pushing for legalization of individual possession. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

OpenCarry Movement Gets Makeover on Project Runway

Taking their cue from the recent headlines that a group of gun rights activists calling itself the “OpenCarry Movement” are flexing their God-given Constitutional right to enter public places with their firearms proudly displayed, the producers of the reality series, Project Runway, thought it would be fun to take ten members, male and female, and give them a new look that will allow them to coordinate their semi-automatic pistols and other firearms with the latest fashions of the season. Read the full story


Posted in Entertainment, TelevisionComments (3)

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --

Glossy News Fake Commercials!

Glossy News Podcast

(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)

More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial