Tag Archive | "drunk"

Study: Men Will Say Anything for Sex Opportunity (comic)


If you’ve ever tasted alcohol, you know what it’s like to crave a sub-desirable person of the opposite sex, and if you’ve ever gotten to know them well enough, you know what it is to lie about who you are, what you want and where you’re going in life just to get a taste of them.

I’m not condoning the practice, but I am acknowledging it. It happens on both sides of the gender aisle. He’s cute enough but dumb as a post. She’s morbidly obese but still technically has a vagina. It’s the same thing either way. Read the full story

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Alcoholism and Mommy Issues Meet in the Crosshairs (comic)


If you’ve ever had the opportunity to tele-commute, you surely know the joys of being drunk at work. Today, our resident cartoonist Brian K. White takes it to a new level by adding it to a whole ridiculous layer of parental forsakenness.

My mom loves grand-daughters. Loves them to bits. Takes them to Disney Land, keeps them overnight, you name it. Even the 2yr-old daughter of a girl I once dated was taken to California… but my sons? No such luck.

Click on the image to see it full-size.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

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The Biggest Boozer Tossed After Two Episodes


It’s official: the Biggest Boozer has been canceled. This whale puke of a summer replacement only made two pilot episodes before producers mercifully pulled the plug.

“We know the contract says you get paid for 6 episodes. Just take the money and stop filming this crap!” screamed one producer during negotiations for a permanent spot in the fall line-up. Read the full story

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Drunk Telephone Pole Hits Pedestrian


WASHINGTON, D.C. – Capitol Hill is under lockdown after reports that an intoxicated telephone pole hit a pedestrian walking by his position on Constitution Avenue.

The assault allegedly occurred early Saturday morning after a pair of street lamps to the tree’s north and south suddenly shut off, allowing the cover necessary to strike Anthony Goldberg, AIPAC’s senior legal counsel.

Police have managed to chain down the tree, known by other shrubbery as Franklin, and are awaiting a court date to charge him with Growing Under Influence (GUI). Read the full story

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Posted in Crime, Crooked CopsComments (1)

Feds Considering Stricter Warnings on Booze Bottles


After 25 years of successful lobbying against warning label reform, Big Tobacco suffered a major defeat this week when the FDA announced that starting in 2012 cigarettes would sport new graphic labels depicting charred lungs and dead bodies warning of the dangers of smoking. The labels would also include written warnings such as “Smoking causes cancer,” “Cigarettes lead to an early death,” and “Using Tobacco products will make you frequently poop.” Read the full story

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Posted in Biz NewsComments (1)

Sippin’ Whiskey – Okay – but Sippin’ Beer?


A controversial Scottish brewery has launched what it described as the world’s strongest beer – with a 32% alcohol content.

Tactical Nuclear Penguin – with a radioactive half-life of several centuries – has been unveiled by SpewDog of Twatborough. Read the full story

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UK Stimulus Requires Peasants to Get Booze Licences


In what may well prove to be the most stupid law to be introduced since their last stupid law caused a public outcry and political brouhaha the EU’s fascist ‘Triple Six’ Department for Total Control has decided – in their infinite wisdom – that in a time wasting bid to curb binge drinking, all boozers will have to get a licence to enjoy their favourite tipple – and could lose it if they overindulge and get right blitzed. Read the full story

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Yob Fined for Getting Cat Stoned on Ganja


A teenage yob who was filmed on a mobile phone forcing a neighbour’s terrified tomcat to inhale cannabis while captive in a clear plastic laundry bag – before swinging it round his head like a Gaucho’s bolas – was slapped with an Asbo to stay away from animals for 10 years today. Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange PeopleComments (0)

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