Tag Archive | "diet"

Woman’s Weight Spirals Worryingly Under Control


YORKTOWN – During the post-Christmas period, friends and relatives of local woman Angela Hartman today noted how, in the last year, the 38-year-old’s weight has spiraled worryingly under control.

Insisting that Miss Hartman “looks as if she hasn’t eaten in two weeks,” the woman’s mother Kathy says that her only daughter’s new diet – which consists of a 5-a-day serving of fruit, one daily Slim Fast shake and varying forms of meat-based salads – is a real cause for concern in the Hartman household. Read the full story

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Important Health Safety Warning: These Foods Will Kill You


It seems every week there is a new research study about yet another popular food staple that has been linked to cancer or heart disease.

It can all be very confusing. First they tell you that grape juice is a heart-healthy beverage. Then another study comes out arguing that it’s bad for you (contains as much sugar as soft drinks). Read the full story

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McDonald’s Launches Healthy Go-Eat-Elsewhere Option


Responding to ongoing criticism of its nutritional practices, fast food giant McDonald’s today announced its new healthy go-and-eat-somewhere-else option.

From December 1st, select McDonald’s chains across the country will be offering several all-new disclaimers on its menu, including “you might want to consider Subway” and “fresh market produce is often a better choice.”

“We want to offer our customer’s a wider variety when it comes to what they eat,” said McDonald’s CEO Jim Skinner. “Do you want a regular cheeseburger with large fries and a drink? Or do you want to head six miles down the road to Bigley’s Fresh Mart? Providing healthy options is part of what we do and I think it’s going to be a big success.” Read the full story

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Weight-Loss Program Guarantees You’ll Lose Interest in Under 2 Weeks


INDIANAPOLIS – As millions of Americans continue to return to post-holiday life, a controversial new weight-loss program – pioneered by a self-help guru in California – guarantees that dieters will lose interest in the program in just 2 weeks.

Launching his lifestyle book Lose Interest In Healthy Eating: 14 Days Back to the Same Old You, Dr. Allen Wilkes insisted Monday that while his methods may not appeal to everyone, weight-conscious Americans can return to an apathetic lifestyle after “two weeks of giving it their best shot.” Read the full story

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Obama Boldly Removes Aioli Spreads from White House Menu


WASHINGTON DC—In an effort to prove that decreasing the U.S. deficit will require shared sacrifices, President Obama announced on Tuesday that he will eliminate aioli spreads from the White House Menu.

“Let me be clear. We are not limiting these cuts to the traditional Garlic aioli,” the President told a group of reporters at the White House on Tuesday afternoon, “No. We’re cutting all kinds of aioli—Chipotle, Basil, Dill, Tarragon, even Mint, despite the fact that it goes so well over the Braised Lamb Shanks with Thyme.” Read the full story

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Scientists Redefine Kilogram Using Mass of Local Chicago Man


SEVRES, France (GlossyNews) — At their recent General Conference, the International Bureau of Weights and Measures (IBWM) chose to define the kilogram — roughly equal to about 2.2 lbs and the base unit of metric mass in standard scientific measurements and calculations — to be precicely 1/100th the mass of Travis Phillips, a warehouse manager for a Chicago-area Best Buy distribution center. Read the full story

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Cheney’s Heart Conducts Preemptive Attack — Expects to Be Greeted as Liberator


WASHINGTON (GlossyNews) — On February 24, 2010, former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney was released from the hospital, three days after suffering his fifth heart attack. A spokesman said that the 69-year-old Cheney, known as “Angler” to his friends, will resume his normal schedule soon. The announcement filled those close to the family with an ironic mixture of relief and dread. “I’m glad he’s won another game of chess with the Reaper,” one friend said, “but if he’s resuming his normal schedule, we’ll soon be receiving invitations to ‘tie one on,’ pick up hitchhikers and go dove hunting; or what Dick likes to call Tuesdays.” Read the full story

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