Tag Archive | "clinton"

4K Glossy News PODCAST 069 (11-14-16) The Post-Election Rundown


The election is over, Donald Trump won, and here’s what it all means.

I called it wrong. That’s the long and short of it, no two ways about it. The polls were within the margin of error, but all the analysts and pundits called it wrong and so did I.

I suspect this means pollsters will be given far less credibility in the next election or few, and earn far less money for their prognostications, and well they should.

I was wrong. The betting markets were wrong. The poll analysts were wrong. Welcome to a Trump presidency. Read the full story

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It Ain’t Over Yet! Post-Election Leak of Clinton’s Secret White Millennial Meetup


The scandalous Clinton leaks continue! Here is the secret transcript of the first two days of November 2016, entitled:

‘Secret DNC Intelligence Briefings.’

November 1, 2016

Two days ago, Hillary Clinton delivered a stunning speech aimed at white millennial voters from a yoga mat in Boca Raton.

Recent advances in genomics allow us the opportunity to rid our children of misogyny, homophobia, and racism.

We can check our white privilege in the womb, and be stronger together.

Tim Kaine was told to delivered the identical speech (from a right wing eugenical perspective, rather than a left wing eugenical perspective), to an rally of 30 in West Palm Beach.

Under hostile questioning from Harball’s Chris Matthews, Donald Trump blurted out something about

White American men voting for Hillary… Believe me… These men are already castrated… Eunuchs… Make America hard again… Bigly.

Gary Johnson embraced a more libertarian position, stating

Men over 18 should have the choice of eliminating the warmongering gene in their genetic sequence… Ohhh, crap! Did that sound bad? Uh… maybe it should be delivered in edible form. Well hey! That a little better?

He further showed interest in taking a CEO position in just such a company after he is soundly defeated next week.

Jill Stein concurred with Johnson, but called for a “global public health care mandate,” also focusing on recycling.

November 2, 2016

Clinton returned to the topic of eugenics. By funding proper publicly accountable and socially expedient research, new advances in genetic engineering will rid conservative men of the underlying seeds of aggression…

E.g. testosterone, male genitalia, and other primitive and backward vestiges of the ancient pre-Clintonian patriarchy.

She says that in order to do this, we must overcharge breadline health insurance users, having first furnished them with a subtle subliminal assurance that:

If you want to keep your dick, you can keep your dick!

Separately she plans to ban the use of email in government, as history has shown that Republicans and other irresponsible right wing conservative bigots simply cannot be trusted with such.

Trump is rumored to be a little angry at this, as the next time Twitter crashes or Fox News has technical problems, he is going to have to rely on email briefings.

Still, he says he is not going to read them, even if he gets them.

Nobody does intelligence reports like me… Trust me, you’re gonna love ‘em!

It is consideredly somewhat unlikely, however, that he will ever once set pen to paper to write such.

The threat of conservative authoritarianism is so serious, that President Clinton must eliminate everyone’s ability to question the government…

Albeit, purely in order to foster a radically pluralistic society with a voluminous diversity of opinions and an active public sphere of debate! For it would be simply impossible to sustain all these latter, if authoritarian bigots and tyrannical fanatics were carelessly permitted to air their views, and to arrogantly prevent others from questioning them.

Angela Merkel, Nicolas Sarkozy and Theresa May have offered to provide as much assistance as they possibly can, short of any remotely substantial commitment of financial resources.

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What the Presidential Candidates Are Doing—Right This Moment


With the Election mercifully only hours away, the three major candidates (and one cameo candidate) are done putting the final touches on their respective Frankenstein campaigns. Using an unholy combination of satanic ritual coupled with classified NSA technology that hasn’t been leaked just yet, GlossyNews is pleased to reveal what each candidate is doing right this moment.

Gary Johnson–Libertarian:

1) Imagining there is a zero behind his poll numbers.

2) Revisiting his debate points and pretending he actually rated debating.

3) Regretting deleting all his porn.

4) Listening to Kaleo–“Way Down We Go” while he slowly rocks back and forth.

5) Applying for Canadian citizenship.

Hillary Clinton–Democrat:

1) Pondering how to gracefully never invite Beyonce and Jay Z to the White House. Read the full story

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Clinton vs Weiner: The Democrats Are Screwed?


Where are we and how did we get here?

I am paraphrasing the words of Jim Stockdale in the 1992 US Vice Presidential debate. Those are also the words much of the American electorate asks near Election Day.

A sure vote for corruption and expansionary political and military intervention lies on the Clinton side. We have spent two weeks learning via Wikileaks and the Veritas Project things no one wants for any candidacy.

In Mr Trump, we have a trailing opponent candidate standing strong in the face of some dreary personal failures. We had an October 1st kickoff to the insanity with NY Times release of Trump’s 1995 tax return featuring a $916 million tax loss. Trump’s grandest failure was just six days later with the Billy Bush tapes. Like this past week’s Clinton revelations, the daggers were secured by clandestine means. In this brave new world of ours, it seems few things of import remain permanently hidden even for the shadiest of operators. Read the full story

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4K Glossy News PODCAST 066 (10-24-16)


The 4K/UHD podcast is back again with a whole new slew of stuff.

Here are just some of the topics covered in the the October 24th, 2016 edition.

* NO MORE election updates. I wanted to do more, but it’s so painfully obvious trump will lose, what’s the point?

* Video/Movie review… NOTHING because YouTube lets everyone steal my income from my React and Review videos. To hell with them… though Black Mirror season three is pretty awesome. Read the full story

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4K Glossy News PODCAST 060 (9-12-16)


The 4K/UHD podcast is back again. All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are just some of the topics covered in the the September 12th, 2016 edition.

* How you can fix your whole damn life just by investing $50 in the well-established “sock” market… of socks… for your feet. Trust me, you’ll love me for this one.

* The most unbelievable mini-golf tournament was recently held in Riverside, California, and we were there to capture some of the players in some, nay, ALL, of their glory.

* 7 Ways to Make College Work again. Pretty self-explanatory, but I cover costs, minimizing costs, fixing the balooning student debt crisis and how to just, you know, make the whole thing work for everyone forever… Pretty basic stuff, really.

* Explanation of why the podcast is shorter, and a few quick teasers for things to come… Spoiler alert, it’s because I’m going back to the videos for which I’m actually well known and (in)famous. I haven’t had Jason V. Jones, Justyn Confer, Ty the Voice Guy Anderson or any of the others handy. It’s fine, it’s fine.

* Special contest/gift offer for my listeners/vierwers in California.

* The polls are tightening, but that doesn’t exactly mean it’s time to freak out. What DOES it mean? Will Trump definitely win? Is Clinton done for? Watch and listen for the updated analysis.

* Fun extra bonus segment from Roy Zimmerman from his Seattle concert this summer. Just a song about the Hubble Telescope, and it’s just plain awesome.

Listen to it



Or you can download it by right-clicking and selecting “save as” right here. It’s also available on iTunes.

Watch it on YouTube



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iTunes (or search “Glossy News”)
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Segment bumpers and background music by Greg the Hero Facebook.com/gregtheheromusic. Royalty Free Music “Your Call” and “Funkorama” by Kevin MacLeod — Incompetech.com.

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Clinton Email May Answer Question of Why She Stood by Bill


Hillary Clinton, long under investigation by Congress for her use of a private email account for government business, may wish that messages concerning the Benghazi inquiry are the only revelations that come out.

According to recently disclosed documents, emails indicate that it was more than three years after her husband, Bill Clinton, left office that she first realized what the term ‘oral sex’ meant. Read the full story

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YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! Clinton Finally Admits Lying


In a gently-conducted interview (surprisingly gentle!) on his home turf of MSNBC, Bill Clinton has actually admitted telling a lie.

Huh? Ya what? Yes, this is pretty much unprecedented in American history. See the following astonishing words from Clinton:

I actually never knew how to play the saxophone. I was more a steel guitar or Indonesian gamelan man.

I am kind of sorry, in a way; just a little bit. I mean, I’m sorry to have to tell you, anyway… Read the full story

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Washington-area Birdwatchers Spot Migrating Species


It’s late fall and a sure sign of the season is the movement of various migratory birds in Washington and elsewhere. Recent sightings include:

The African American Obama

Perhaps because of its name, the African American obama is often mistakenly thought to be native to Kenya. In fact, this White House-perched bird is from Chicago by way of Hawaii. Read the full story

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Ultrasound Shows Chelsea Clinton’s Unborn Child is a Conservative


(Great Falls, VA.) – To the horror of the entire Clinton clan, ultrasound results have proven that Chelsea Clinton is pregnant with a conservative child.

The family was overjoyed at the initial news of the pregnancy but, upon learning of the test results, have gone into a time of mourning over its political affiliation.

Mrs. Clinton was shocked when their nurse informed them of the news. “I’m speechless and don’t know what I’m going to do! How could this happen to me? Why have I been cursed?” Read the full story

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Ehud Barak’s (latest) “Generous Offer” to the Palestinians


Israel’s current Defense Minister and former Prime Minister Ehud Barak was plainly anxious to see me. “You’ve got to get down here right away, Barb, or I’m going to give this story to someone else,” he said over the phone. “I’ve always said that resolution of the Israeli-Palestinian impasse requires imagination, and I think I’ve finally come up with the perfect territorial offer for the Palestinians.” Read the full story

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Keeping Up with the Ex-Presidents Broadcasts Live from the White House


President-elect Obama today had lunch with four former Presidents- Bush 1 and 2, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter. George Bush Sr. from habit wiped his hands with a sanitized wipe after shaking Obama’s hand. All gave him bits of advice from their Presidential experience.

Mini-me Bush showed him the secret drawer on the desk where he could quickly stash his video game if guests arrived unexpectedly. Carter suggested that he not lust in his heart. Clinton suggested he not lust in his pants. Read the full story

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CableGate Leak: Gaddafi’s Pen Pal is Obama


The latest round of CableGate documents to filter out from the sexually embattled whistle blower site Wikileaks has Arab leaders in disbelief. According to the published cables, there is a direct connection between the Libyan Leader Muammar* Gadhafi and the United States president Barack Hussein Obama. Read the full story

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Virulent Rabies Outbreak At Fox News


A virulent outbreak of rabies was reported today at Fox News Headquarters. The horrible madness inducing disease appears to have spread through the top hosts of the station, then been transmitted to station employees and, strangely, even to their listeners. The initiation of the epidemic seems to have started with Sean Hannity who, in the middle of his show, started foaming at the mouth.

“This was nothing unusual with him.” stated Red Bigneck. Read the full story

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Rodent Rodham Clinton Boosts US Neo-Imperialism in Africa


US Secretary of Sleaze Hilarious Rodent Clinton’s eleven-day tour of Darkest Africa took in seven AIDS-ravaged countries across the malfunctional continent. Read the full story

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Clinton: North Korea Needs Good Spanking


Phuket, Thailand – Hillary Clinton angrily announced yesterday from Phuket (pronounced “fuh-ket” or alternatively “Phuket”), that she’s had it with North Koreans, likening them to little children demanding attention. Read the full story

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