Tag Archive | "Bill Clinton"

Dynasty’s End? The ‘Annus Horribilis’ of Hill & Bill Clinton


One of  the many unfortunate outcomes of 2016 is the denial of influence rendered to one Bill Clinton.

Riding #IMWITHHER were many odd bedfellows.

The Clinton Foundation, and her sister Clinton Global Initiative, had raised untold millions, right up until Election Day, from the Gulf States and military contractors like Lockheed Martin Marrieta.

With the election upset, lawsuits are coming from some strange places. Read the full story

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4K Glossy News PODCAST 053 (7-25-16)


The 4K/UHD podcast is back again this week with guest hosting special thanks to Ty The Voice guy from www.tythevoiceguy.webs.com – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAD-bZYukrAef732gxP84NA

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are just some of the topics covered in the the July 25th, 2016 edition.

* Netflix would be WAY better if it had a preview channel. Not just offering a trailer here and there, but an unending stream of trailers based first on your suggested videos, then expanding to show all sorts of things. Allow us to give the thumbs up or down, or add it to our playlist. So much better than just trying to filter through everything.

* How high do professional fireworks shows go up in the air? The answer may surprise you, or more likely, just confuse you, since the numbers only sort of make sense anyhow and there’s math involved. Plus you’d have to know what fireworks they’re actually using.

* Exclusive telephone interview with Bill Clinton!!! He dishes about the upcoming election and shares his thoughts on the candidates and who you should vote for.

* Meet the man with a real life super power of finding and controlling the natural behavior of mosquitoes.

* Why in the heck does the History Channel insist on measuring everything in football fields and Olympic Swimming pools? It’s confusing at best, but more likely, just a bit dishonest. They SAY football fields, but they want us to THINK football stadiums. It makes it sound bigger than it is. Just give me the facts, man.

Listen to it



Or you can download it by right-clicking and selecting “save as” right here. It’s also available on iTunes.

Watch it on YouTube



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Segment bumpers and background music by Greg the Hero Facebook.com/gregtheheromusic. Royalty Free Music “Your Call” and “Funkorama” by Kevin MacLeod — Incompetech.com.

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Clinton Email May Answer Question of Why She Stood by Bill


Hillary Clinton, long under investigation by Congress for her use of a private email account for government business, may wish that messages concerning the Benghazi inquiry are the only revelations that come out.

According to recently disclosed documents, emails indicate that it was more than three years after her husband, Bill Clinton, left office that she first realized what the term ‘oral sex’ meant. Read the full story

Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! Clinton Finally Admits Lying


In a gently-conducted interview (surprisingly gentle!) on his home turf of MSNBC, Bill Clinton has actually admitted telling a lie.

Huh? Ya what? Yes, this is pretty much unprecedented in American history. See the following astonishing words from Clinton:

I actually never knew how to play the saxophone. I was more a steel guitar or Indonesian gamelan man.

I am kind of sorry, in a way; just a little bit. I mean, I’m sorry to have to tell you, anyway… Read the full story

Posted in Politics, Strange PeopleComments (0)

4 out of 5 Republicans in Anonymous Survey Admit Liking Dick


Support for Dick Cheney and former President George Bush to be prosecuted for torture appear to have fallen faster than an erection in Hillary Clinton’s presence according to inside sources.

Hard numbers from a recent survey revealed that most Republicans still support Dick Cheney as Vice-President, while Barack Obama’s poll numbers have apparently gone flaccid.

In fact, Cheney’s approval numbers continue to remain rock solid despite a spat of spectacular sex scandals that rocked the GOP a decade ago. Nostalgia surrounds Republican Senator Larry Craig’s 2007 arrest in a men’s airport bathroom.

While potentially incriminating on the surface, the Idaho Senator offered a turgid alibi for his behavior, which apparently wasn’t fear of flying.

For those who have slept since then, Craig denied that tapping his right foot, blocking the stall door with his luggage and grabbing the undercover officer’s leg was a signal to engage in lewd behavior.

Craig suggested that he was merely asking for “toilet paper”.

Later providing the arresting officer with a business card that identified him as a senator, Craig does admit that telling the officer, “Excuse me while I whip this out,” may have been a little too suggestive in a men’s room setting. But he refused to apologize for expressing his fondness for Dick.

“Dick made me what I am today,” he allegedly said just before being arrested.

Senator Craig’s encounter was only one in a daisy-chain of events placing prominent Republicans in the dim spot-light of public toilets.

Also in 2007 Florida Republican Bob Allen, a champion of anti-gay legislation and notorious Dick lover, was accused of offering sex to a black, undercover officer in a park restroom because he didn’t “trust him”.

To his credit, at least he didn’t try and shoot him. As if that excuse and $20 isn’t bizarre enough, Allen also sponsored a bill to crack down on soliciting sex in public parks.

If you read between the lines, it’s apparent that Allen is an advocate of just giving it away, rendering the need to solicit a moot point. As for the $20, that apparently was for “stimulating the local economy”.

OK, most people use “Johnson” instead of “local economy” as a euphemism but we can’t really criticize him for that.

When you add other prominent Republicans like Representative Mark Foley and evangelical Ted Haggard to the strange brew of fallen, staunchly anti-gay politicians, you discover the one thing they all have in common: they all like Dick.

Sure, Cheney probably appreciates the support and a variation on the old “I Like Ike” buttons might garner special interest attention. But without the comic genius of Karl Rove, it’s going to be tough to parlay the virtual transformation of the GOP into the “Gay Old Party”.

Only Rove could exploit the biggest piece of political parody since Dave Chappelle portrayed a blind Klan leader who didn’t know he was black.

Of course, some Democrats have demonstrated willingness to reach around…I mean across the aisle and meet the GOP halfway on many issues, especially when it comes to Dick. Dick Cheney has the heart of a Hoover Vacuum cleaner and brings people from many diverse backgrounds together to pound out the tough issues.

For instance, in 2010 Democrat New York Congressman Eric Massa abruptly resigned after only 14 months on the job amid allegations that he sexually harassed an underpaid staff member at a house Massa shared with four other staffers. Using the excuse it was simply a “tickle fight” the embattled Democrat found it unpopular at the time to admit his love of Dick.

Placed in this context, it is absolutely amazing the GOP has survived intact and re-taken both Houses while maintaining the illusion of moral authority. As long as Ted Cruz doesn’t get a Boehner around Rand Paul, it’s likely they’ll continue to hold the high ground on the down low.

“There are only two ways to fix this satirical situation,” snickered, Bill Clinton’s former political strategist James Carville. “Hand jobs to your critics and keep the jerks off the news.”

Clinton himself could not be reached for comment as he was reportedly, “Reorganizing his collection of chubby-chaser jokes from the mid 90’s.” Meanwhile even Hillary reluctantly admitted, “I like Dick ever now and then!”

Most would have sworn she was partial to Bush.

Posted in Politics, Top StoriesComments (3)

Entire Glossy News Team Arrested On False Prostitution Charges (1)


The End of The Truth?

Glossynews, as you all no doubt agree (merely because WE say so; reason enough, right?!), is the single most… sorry, the SINGLE AND SOLE respected media outlet in the world.

Well, in a world filled with MSNBC Socialist/Liberal-Corporatist agitprop and the South-Park- Libertarianism/Beltway-Market-Hipsterism of Fox News, it’s clear that there’s only one game in town.

Only one place can be trusted to mingle “the truth” (whatever the Hell that means) with an immaculately noble Socratic “lie” (or as we prefer to call it, telling “the people” what “they” want to hear). Read the full story

Posted in Entertainment, Strange PeopleComments (7)

Hillary Clinton Reveals She Was Original Member of “The Beverly Hillbillies”


New York City – Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton came out of the poor house long enough today, on her current book tour, to confess to the world how hard her life has been. She and former President Clinton were “dead broke.”

Clinton, speaking to Diane Sawyer, revealed for the first time that she and Bill were both members of the real family that The Beverly Hillbillies TV show was based on. Read the full story

Posted in PoliticsComments (9)

Former First Lady Hilary Clinton Admits She and Bill Were Homeless After the White House


In a shocking revelation, former First Ladt Hilary Clinton admits she and her husband were ‘homeless’ after leaving the White House.

“We were trying to squeak by on Bill’s pension while trying to pay for Chelsea’s education and we just couldn’t handle it!” Clinton confided. “We found ourselves living on the street!”

Finally the pair managed to convince one of their bodyguards to put them up in his guest room for a few weeks while they got back on their feet. When Ms. Clinton got her first speaking engagement for $200,000 they managed to find a small place.

“We spent all our money on legal fees for Bill and defending ourselves from Whitewater”, Hillary continued. Not to mention how much money we spent paying people to keep their big mouths shut!”

Hillary says they can now empathize with homeless people and their families as they have ‘been there and done that’.

“You really don’t understand the situation until you have eaten from a trash can yourself”, she stated. “And park benches and under bridges are not very comfortable”.

The Clintons now claim assets of over $200 million including two multimillion dollar homes and feel more comfortable than they have in years. “The extra money helps keep the wolf from our door” she said.

Hillary would not disclose how they accumulated such vast reserves on wealth in such a short time except to say, “let’s say it’s time for people to pay US to keep our mouths shut!”

“Now we keep our dumpster filled with fresh fruit and vegetables so other homeless people can have a good meal”, she said with a smile.

Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey (^-^) Today’s issue: Sex with a subordinate?!


Announcer: Monica Lewinsky was recently interviewed about her affair with former President Bill Clinton. Dick and Janey’s guest today on “Yucky World” will be Hedda Enabler, spokesperson for the National Association of Disorganized Women.

They will be discussing the fact that her organization has not objected to men like Clinton having sex with women who are their subordinates.

Enabler: Hey, bud! You left out the word “consensual”.

Dick:Wow! How did you know our announcer’s name was Bud? I didn’t even know that!

Janey: Forgive him, Ms. Enabler. There’s a lot he doesn’t know.

Enabler: Probably starting with sex.

Dick: Hey, I know about the birds and the fleas.

Janey: Anyway, how can sex between a subordinate and her boss be consensual? If she refuses, it could cost the woman her job.

Enabler: Just say “No!”

Dick: I think I’ve heard that before.

Janey: And if she loses her job?

Enabler: Sue him!

Dick: That will keep the trial lawyers smiling.

Janey: What if it’s a lawyer having sex with his secretary?

Dick: Another smiling lawyer?

Enabler:Let’s look at a real world example like President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

Janey: As an intern, she wasn’t even an employee when the affair started.

Enabler: Doesn’t matter. It was consensual. The President was under a lot of pressure, and she was helping him to relieve it.

Dick: When I’m under stress, I usually go for a walk.

Enabler: I bet you drop bread crumbs so you can find your way home.

Janey: And what kind of stress was David Letterman under with his staffers?

Enabler: Hey, it’s tough being a high profile network comedian. You have to tell some really good jokes night after night.

Janey: But, you certainly must object to Roman Polanski having sex with a thirteen-year-old girl.

Enabler: Cut the guy a little slack. He’s made a lot of great movies…and look at all the pressure and personal tragedies he’s had to face.

Janey: But a thirteen-year-old?

Enabler: Shakespeare’s Juliet was only thirteen!

Dick: Hmm! “Roman and Juliet”? It doesn’t really work for me.

Janey: Polanski even drugged her.

Enabler: So! Juliet did drugs, too.

Dick: Sex! Drugs! Some things never change!!

Janey: But what if the tables are turned? What if the woman is the boss who’s demanding sex?

Enabler: I guess men will just have to get used to it.

Dick: Used to what?

Enabler: Being in the subordinate position.

Dick: I don’t remember that position from my sex ed class.

Janey: Isn’t it just blatant hypocrisy to say it’s consensual sex when the relationship is between a boss and a subordinate?

Enabler: Sometimes it depends on who the boss is.

Janey: Well, what about George W. Bush?

Enabler: That “W” stood for “War on Women”!

Janey: Well, he did free a lot of women from domination by the misogynist Taliban!

Enabler: Sure, but what did he do for American women?

Janey: Isn’t that a double standard?

Enabler: Well, it’s better than having no standards at all!

Dick: Maybe I should become a trial lawyer.

Janey: Don’t you remember what Shakespeare wrote about killing all the lawyers?

Dick: Yeah, but at least they would have died with smiles on their faces. Yuck! Yuck!

Janey: You’d better wipe that smirk off your face before I do it for you!

Dick: “For never was a story of more woe…” Than this of Janey and her Dickeo!

Enabler: Sophomoric!

Dick: Yeah! But at least I’m consistent!

Posted in Opinon/Editorial, SocietyComments (5)

Ultrasound Shows Chelsea Clinton’s Unborn Child is a Conservative


(Great Falls, VA.) – To the horror of the entire Clinton clan, ultrasound results have proven that Chelsea Clinton is pregnant with a conservative child.

The family was overjoyed at the initial news of the pregnancy but, upon learning of the test results, have gone into a time of mourning over its political affiliation.

Mrs. Clinton was shocked when their nurse informed them of the news. “I’m speechless and don’t know what I’m going to do! How could this happen to me? Why have I been cursed?” Read the full story

Posted in Celebrity GossipComments (5)

Monica Lewinsky’s Dress to be Sold at Auction


After being rejected by the Smithsonian, Monica Lewinsky announced today that she will be selling her famous, blue, semen-stained dress at auction.

Southeby’s, Inc., which will be handling the sale, predicts the historic dress should fetch up to $10 million or more at auction.

» Discuss this story on Reddit!

“This dress has priceless historical value”, said Southeby’s representative Sylvia Hardon. “This one semen stain changed the course of history! From this stain we see the dramatic impeachment of a beloved President, the country take a dramatic shift to the right and the republicans gain power! Two major wars were caused, the entire US economy was destroyed, nations felled and the United States became a demon in the eyes of the world! This dress has no less significance than the original Magna Carta or the original US Constitution!” Read the full story

Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Libyan Press Conference Misquote Causes Health Concerns for Hillary Clinton


Washington DC – (SatireWorld.com)

Fresh from her overseas trip to Libya to address the current political turmoil, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton laid to rest her physical ailments before a questioning international press corp in lieu of reports that she recently visited a well-known physician before leaving on her overseas trip.

"Yes, I have a condition and Bill is helping look after it for me," stated the teary-eyed ex-First Lady. Read the full story

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, PoliticsComments (0)

Bill Clinton: Rather Switch than Fight


NEW YORK–Bill Clinton rocked the political world today by announcing his change in party affiliation from Democrat to Independent.

Meet the Press moderator David Gregory asked Mr. Clinton to explain his decision. “Could’ve been worse,” Clinton responded. “Could’ve switched to the GOP.” Read the full story

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Obama’s Othello “Obamothello” Debuts in Lib Stronghold


Debuting next Saturday in the liberal bastion of hedonism known as San Francisco, this travesty on the English language, brought to you by deep-pocket interests from the left fringe, who somehow feel it’s acceptable to rewrite the great texts to suit their own purposes, will make its stage debut. We won’t even give the theater (or theatre, as they prefer to be called,) the courtesy of link. They know what they’ve done. Read the full story

Posted in Entertainment, PoliticsComments (10)

Hillary Clinton’s Gum Chewing Sparks International Crisis


Wrigley Fjord, East Sweden (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Though she is officially America’s top diplomat, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton committed a grievous etiquette faux pas today by chewing gum in the presence of the King of Sweden, abruptly ending her visit to this Scandinavian nation. Reverberations were felt from Stockholm to Washington as the two countries’ usually friendly governments attempted to restore normal relations. Read the full story

Posted in Politics, Top StoriesComments (2)

Hillary: Gore Threatened Me with Endorsement


In an interview with Salon Magazine, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton charged that in May of 2008, former Vice President Al Gore threatened to support her for President, over her objections. Read the full story

Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

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