Tag Archive | "bankruptcy"

Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers


70 Million years ago in modern day Orlando, Florida – It is a warm, sunny afternoon during the Cretaceous Era as Breadsterastyx, a close relative of Triceratops, feasts on a large garden filled with ferns and wildflowers, while closely watching one of its offspring grazing peacefully.

Suddenly, from behind the trees comes a towering Tyrannosaurus Rex seeking a substantial meal to satisfy its insatiable hunger. Read the full story

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Posted in Environment, ScienceComments (24)

Haiti Uses US Aid Money to Help Bail Out Bankrupt Detroit


In what is being hailed as the most ironic turn of events of 2013, Haiti has sent the first $15M of a promised $130M to the City of Detroit in hopes of saving the city from going completely belly under.

In September of 2013, it was announced that the beleaguered city could count on $300M in federal and private funds to help the city while it undergoes a Chapter 11 reorganization. A mere drop in the bucket when it comes to the billions it will eventually take to totally bring Detroit back around and running again as one of America’s top Midwest cities. Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (4)

Santa Claus Forced to File Chapter 11 Bankruptcy


Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, unfortunately, he can’t pay his mounting debt and therefore won’t be visiting your home with lots of toys and goodies.

Due to the economic downturn felt all over the globe, Santa Claus International has been forced to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. A press release issued at the last minute Friday had the jolly old elf himself near tears as he announced that his beloved toy operation would no longer exist, and he would be staying put in the North Pole this year instead of delivering toys to children and adults around the world. Read the full story

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Posted in Biz News, Human InterestComments (0)

Detroit Reportedly Selling VCR


DETROIT—Sources reported sighting an ad listing a VCR for sale by the citizens of Detroit on Wednesday.

Due to financial struggles, it appears the 698,012 residents of Detroit have been driven to taking various measures for some extra cash.

The listing describes the 1998 Toshiba videocassette recorder as in “pretty good” condition. Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (0)

Banks Foreclose on Hell — Satan Moves to Scientology Headquarters


Sarasota, Fla (GlossyNews) — Markets around the world were rocked today with news of the imminent foreclosure on Hell by a consortium of major international banks. The announcement came only after months of failed negotiations between Satan and the Associated Minions of the Nether Regions to reach an agreement with creditors on the restructuring of Hell’s dept.

“Isn’t that a kick in the teeth,” said Beelzebub, official spokes-demon for the Associated Minions of the Nether Regions. Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (1)

Van Morrison Files for Bankruptcy Despite Not Being an American


This article was written and published as a satire on the fiscal state of wasteful celebrities, specifically Nicolas Cage, who has earned vast fortunes but still went broke. We learned that some have taken this farce as fact, but wish to set the record straight. This story IN NO WAY reflects upon Mr. Morrison and he has NOT filed for bankruptcy. He was simply chosen because his music has remained timelessly brilliant throughout the decades.

DUBLIN – Irish singer and curmudgeon Van Morrison has filed for bankruptcy in Irish Bankruptcy Court, according to a notice published on his official website today. The famously gruff singer-songwriter informed his fans that he has debts of 652 million € and assets of only 40 million € yet he stopped short of accepting responsibility for his financial meltdown. Read the full story

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Posted in MusicComments (7)

Diocese Brings Prettier Face to Kiddie Fiddling: Bankruptcy


The US Roman Catholic diocese of Wilmington is attempting to delay the start of a paedophile sex abuse trial yet again with a last ditch bankruptcy move to file for Chapter 11 protection since a celebrated deviant clergy / kiddie fiddling scandal erupted in Boston in 2002.

Now the Catholic diocese in Delaware has filed for federal bankruptcy protection on the eve of a civil trial in a high-profile choirboy groping pederast case. Read the full story

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Posted in ReligionismComments (3)

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