Tag Archive | "2012 Presidential race"

Romney Leads Among Schizophrenics

GlossyNews.com – CLEVELAND – A new Gallup poll released today finds that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney continues to trail President Obama in popularity among women, African-Americans, Hispanics, Asians, people with cell phones, people aware of the internet, and voters under the age of 30.

However, the poll also found that Mr. Romney has managed to gain strong support among a key demographic here in the battleground state of Ohio: voters with multiple personality disorder (MPD). Read the full story


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LEAK: Paul Ryan Already Signed to Do Playgirl

GlossyNews.com – Before the dust can even settle in the 2012 presidential election, TMZ has received word that vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan has inked a 7-figure deal to shoot a full spread in Playgirl Magazine.

Robert Benson, an official Romney spokesman, had this to say at a press conference called early this morning to explain the situation, and spin it as a positive for the flagging campaign: Read the full story


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Barack Obama Asks for Your Vote… For Mitt Romney

By President Barack Obama

My fellow Americans,

Next Tuesday, November 6, is Election Day, and this year your vote is more important than ever before. That’s because in this election you have a choice between two very different visions for America.

One of those visions believes that ours is a country where everyone should have a fair shot at success and where everyone should pay their fair share of taxes. Read the full story


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Top-11 Reasons Barack Obama Will Win the Election

As the election season winds down, the one thing that is clear is that the pseudo muslim usurper, Barack Hussein Obama, is going to walk away with this election handily.

But many looking at this election from the outside don’t see this quite as open-and-shut as those of us in the reality-stream-media do. Read the full story


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President Romney’s Inaugural Address

“I think my biggest concern obviously would just be for his mental well-being.”

– Ann Romney on her concerns about her husband becoming President of the U.S.

My fellow Americans.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Hee, hee, hee, ha, ha, heh, heh.

Wait. Give me a minute. I can’t breathe.

Whew. Okay. Read the full story


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Green Party Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It Has Other Policies

WASHINGTON D.C. – The Green Party of The United States is desperately trying to convince supporters of the two main political parties that it does have policies not linked in any way to the environment.

Speaking before a Q&A session Wednesday, Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein insisted that people should “check out our stance on healthcare and education.”

“Every election it’s the same; people always think that the Green Party is just about saving some polar bears in the North Pole,” said Stein. Read the full story


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Romney Admits He Is Secretly Campaigning for Obama

GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney admitted today that he has been secretly campaigning for Obama since the primary elections.

“I have made no missteps in my campaign,” Romney stated during a press conference. “I want President Obama to be re-elected so I have deliberately sabotaged my own campaign.”

RIGHT: Image courtesy of Driftglass. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story


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Romney: Screw It, I’ll Give $300k to Everyone Who Votes for Me

WASHINGTON D.C. – In an effort to win over the average working American, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has vowed to give away his entire wealth to the American people, declaring: “enough with politics: I’ll give three million freaking dollars to everyone who votes for me in November.”

This offer is only good for voters in swing states, but if you live in Ohio, North Carolina, Virginia, Florida or Colorado, this simple vote could be your easy ticket to the upper-crust. Read the full story


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Paul Ryan Something of An O.G.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin- Recently, news surfaced that Paul Ryan’s college sweet heart was black, but what media outlets don’t know is that Paul Ryan was O.G.

The term, O.G., is an abbreviation for original gangster, a term used by hip hop artists to denote their long standing stature within the urban counter culture.

Ryan stated in an interview, “Yeah, My girlfriend all through out college was black.” He added, “What I don’t think people realize about me is just how gangster I really was.

RIGHT: Is Paul Ryan an O.G. original gansta? (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story


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American Expatriates At a Loss What to Threaten To Do If Romney Is Elected

PRAGUE – As the 2012 U.S. presidential election approaches, the possibility of a win by Republican Mitt Romney is a cause for fear and concern among many liberal Americans across the country.

Among those most worried, however, are U.S. citizens who have already left the country to live abroad and thus now find them-selves at a loss as to what they can threaten to do in the event of a Romney victory.

“I would definitely say that I’m leaving the country if Romney is elected,” said Neil Woodward, 41, an American working as an English teacher here in the Czech capital. “But, unfortunately, I already did that after the Supreme Court unjustly handed the election to Bush in 2000.” Read the full story


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Paul Ryan “Takes It” Twisted, Sister

Paul Ryan was forced to “take it” following rebuff by Twisted Sister lead man Dee Snider over the choice of “We’re Not Gonna Take It” as the Republican VP-designee’s intro song.

Snider denounced use of the 1984 hit at a recent Pennsylvania GOP rally. Romney’s running mate had “ … no right to choose and there ain’t no way we’ll lose it, this is our life, this is our song … you don’t know us, you don’t belong.”

Ryan as an opening act for Mitt Romney has not proven music to the ears of Snider’s fellow artists. Guitarist Tom Morello kicked out the jams after Ryan cited Rage Against the Machine as having a good beat that he could dance to. Read the full story


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$35 Dollar Computer? Why Not, & It’s Gaining Momentum

It’s been an extremely slow month for news with nothing interesting going on. I’ve heard things about a big sporting event taking place in London, an upcoming Presidential election, talks of some new third-world countries developing nuclear weapons, groups of people in Syria being profoundly grumpy, reports of Charlie Sheen being really, really stoned and paying more and more for sex, something about unemployment and gas prices, a bunch of protests going on in regards to random things  and complaints about published writers using too many run-on sentences but it’s been very difficult to find something interesting and relevant to write about so I had to do some serious digging in order to beat a strict deadline imposed by the tyrannous senior executives at Glossynews.com. Read the full story


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Debate Recap: GOPTea Candidates Non-Debate the Non-Facts (4 of 7)

DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy All seven of the first round of Republicans met recently to spout extremist sentiments, presumably pandering to the fringes of the Tea Party, and we were lucky enough to witness the event first hand on tape-delayed television.

While two hours is a long time to have to sit and watch, we have on offer a shorter distillation of what Read the full story


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Ron Paul in Fight for GOP Nutjob Vote

Repeat offender presidential candidate Ron Paul now faces an unexpected threat, according to sources close to the campaign. There may be somebody in the race who is crazier than him.

On electoral issues, veterans say ‘a year is a decade.’ That proverb is especially validated in 2011, a landscape vastly different from the previous presidential contest. Read the full story


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Debatable: Can the GOPTea Pull 2012 Out from the Back Side? (2 of 7)

DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy As you know, seven TeaPublicans debated in New Hampshire. While the debate was held in that state, there was no intent by any participant to play to that state — rather the play was pushed to Iowa and the rest of “Real America”.

Two hours is a long time to have to sit still, even with 3 beer breaks. So here’s a shorter distillation of what each person said relative to questions that were asked, even Read the full story


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Ronald Reagan Inc to Run for President

REAGAN LIBRARY, SIMI VALLEY, CA (GlossyNews) — The Ronald Reagan Centennial Committee is planning a two-year presidential candidate run up to the 2012 elections. The RRPF, Inc. (Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation) is a corporation in the most recent 2010 Supreme Court Ruling sense of the word. This newly minted “personal” corporation has stated as its reason for existing, “Our Corporate Reagan can now, and indeed will, run for and become the next president of the United States.” Read the full story


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