It was a phone call that President Obama didn’t want to make, but he knew he would eventually have to. He also knew that it would do little good, but that it had to be made anyway. So, on Wednesday, he did. And he was right.
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“Good day, Mr. LaPierre. How are you doing today?”
“Oh, I was OK until you called.”
“Well, I am sorry to hear that. I think it is time for us to have a little chat.”
“Why? I didn’t vote for you.”
“I am sure you didn’t, Mr. LaPierre. But there is no need for us to speak bitterly to each other. I think we can have a civilized conversation and try to address some points.”
“Well, I don’t see what there is to talk about. I believe we are both familiar with how each of us feels about the issues that we hold most dearly to. And I think the only point I would have to discuss is the one on your head.”
A brief snort of derision sounded from Obama’s side of the phone. “I am truly sorry that you feel that way, Mr. LaPierre. I was hoping we could have a professional conversation. I just feel that the constant political maneuvers the NRA is engaging in are just getting to be too much. You are aware that there are other Amendments than just the second?”
“Oh yes, indeed I am. But the second is all that matters to me. The rest are for wussies and liberals. If a man has a gun it can do all the speaking for him.”
“Hmm. I suppose this shouldn’t surprise me.” There is a significant pause before he speaks again. “I really believe we need to come to some sort of understanding on arms control, Mr. LaPierre.”
“The only arms control we need is to have is enough strength in our own two arms to hold and aim a gun. That’s why liberals and Demo-detractors don’t like them; because they are too wimpy to lift one. Ha, ha, ha, ha!”
The silence at Obama’s end was even longer this time. When it ended, however, it ended with a roar.
“OK cracker, now listen up. I ain’t gonna bother with talkin’ nicey nicey with you no more. It’s like tellin’ dirty jokes to a retard. I’ve had it with your Captain America attitude. You ain’t no Captain America. You don’t even rate as Captain Americas laundry boy.”
“You are about as fake as bling-bling on a ten dollar whore. All this “America this” and “America that” crap. The only thing American you are patriotic to is the dollar bill. And that you worship more than Jesus.”
“I am getting damn shit tired of having to appear at all these funerals for victims of mass shootingswhere some jacked up dude with a stick up his ass decides to go blow away people he don’t even know. I gotta take time out from things like speaking with foreign leaders and stopping wars to do this shit which is downright depressing when you get down to it. It ain’t fun talking with people who have had their moms, dads and kids blown away by idiots who you do your best to put guns into their hands. I would love to have your house wallpapered with the police photos of what people look like when they have their guts blown all over the sidewalk by guns meant to be used by armies fighting ‘the bad guys’ as you say.”
“Don’t tell me this crap about “Guns only being in the hands of good guys.” You’d sell guns to Al Queda if you could get away with it! You would gladly make special mini guns for babies to use so they would get into the NRA groove early. You don’t care who or what lives or gets their lungs blown out all over the walls just so long as you have enough dough so you can sit by the fire at night swilling Jacked-up Daniels watching a John Wayne movie while you give the whore you picked up on Fifth Street a feel.”
“Now wait….” stated LaPierre.
“Shut up, dip-shit! You’ve done enough talking for one lifetime, bitch, most of it bullshit. Now you need to back up and get off this big stump you are on. You need to speak softly and carry a big stick rather than carry a big ass gun and shoot your mouth off at the same time. You and your homeboys want to go mano-a mano with the government and we’ll just see how you like having a couple drones come down on your stupid butt! I tell you that will be one can of whoop-ass bigger than any assault rifle you got!”
“Now listen here….”LaPierre tried to interject.
“Hell no, you listen here LaPerrier. As long as we are being brutally honest here I might as well say you are one of the screwiest crackers I have ever seen. You look like you got whumped a few too many times on the side of your head with bricks in a bag. And its affected your thinking-if you got any thinking to begin with. Or maybe you are one of them borgs like on Star Trek that are half human and half robot. That would explain a lot. I know for sure that the robot side was programmed by the NRA. And one more thing, when you call me pointy headed you ought to take a good look in the mirror at that thing sitting on your shoulders. You so pointy headed that your head must fit perfectly in those Klu Klux Klan hats you like to wear at the meetings. Maybe you been going to too many of them recently- they make that narrow mind of yours even narrower.”
“Anyway, have a good night, or at least as good a night as you are able to pull off. Say good night to your Fifth Street whore for me too. Be sure not to shoot her in the heat of passion with that machine gun you keep under the bed, OK? Bye.”
LaPierre, his fist white from clenching the phone so hard, heard the click at the other end but didn’t register it. His ear was still reeling from the verbally-lethal assault that had just been launched on his brain.
Nothing much Kilroy. I’ve been called a bully blowhard for about the millionth time is all.
I got here as fast as I could! What did I miss?
Jesus H. Christ!!! (I mean the original)
You must be kidding!
Go John Wood! Right on! P.Becket is a bully blowhard
Thank you all kindly.
You got my attention Freed. Not the first time, and it won’t be the last. I assume this was written while sitting on a cold Alaskan outhouse seat and your butt is probably still stuck so we can expect more of the same from you?
51 comments so far Freed. Gold star for you, bro. You incited and invited the conversation and it came barking up your ass for it. Kudos, my good sir.
Satire people. S-A-T-I-R-E, spells Satire. Show me the funny.
Far right redneck logic (please note that I did not say ‘conservative’- a lot of conservatives have good ideas)=
We are saints and always right and anyone who doesn’t agree is always wrong.
Don't play stupid. What I suggested was that someone who defends only one small part of the constitution while allowing the rest of it to be shredded and disregarded as convenience dictates, that person is a zealot.
Liberal logic = Someone defending the Constitution is a zealot, not a patriot.
Guess then you’ll be loosing (sic) out on the ex-lax brownies I prepared just for you at the annual Glossy News Troll Party. Perhaps next year.
No John!
Don’t leave!
Pleeeeaaaseee!
I can’t stand being ignored and alone!
Please!!!!!!
Tell you what John- we need more writers here at Glossy News.
Glossy believes in printing both conservative and liberal articles.
With your wit and your charm and your steadfast points of view you could probably draw in seven new readers for the site. Our Photoshop team will gladly come up with related pictures for your articles. They can be as bloody as need be or as crass. We will gladly edit any misspelled wording and emphasize any profanities and vulgarities. Your viewpoint can be expounded on Facebook and Twitter for all to enjoy your mirth and your gregariousness. You will be able to make contact with others of like mind and spirit and form a communal bonding, get together, drink a few beers, cook up some hot dogs and desoxyephedrine, go on pogroms, then kick back and let the good times roll.
It doesn’t even have to be satire or even cognizant. Rants are entirely OK.
What do you say? Give it a shot?
(I mean that figuratively)
"This was read as a threat. The very fact that you capitalized the word “killing” shows you to be unstable."
Really? REALLY? Oh grow up …. you know the whole point of that response was to compare the word KILLING against Rfreeds use of the word MURDER. Typical leftists….when you're loosing the argument to facts you get all PRISSY and OFFENDED. Your tactics are tired and worn out.
My business is done here and now I'll leave you three (Rfreed/Beckert/White) to wave the bloody shirts of Newtown.
Wow. You lose brain cells by reading? Well, at least that explains your behavior.
My guns are for sporting, hunting, and for KILLING people who wish to do me harm. This was read as a threat. The very fact that you capitalized the word “killing” shows you to be unstable. If you don’t like what you are reading, you need to go elsewhere. It is that simple. You are only here to cause trouble. I would appreciate your not issuing any more veiled threats toward me. If you do, I will report you.
Zzzzzzzzzzz…..
Oops, sorry.
Did I miss something?
I think it would be what we call a Bush-whack. ha ha
Where the heck do you see a threat in my above comment? Must be that new progressive way of imagining offense when reading something you don't like.
Rfreed: "Oh, while you are all here be sure to read my other article"
No thanks, I've lost enough brain cells from your first article.
Do you know what a fascist is? Please look that up before commenting.
To be more clear, don't threaten my writers. You have a problem with them, you have to go through me first, and buddy, I warn you now, I already have a death wish… oh, and I'm still armed. 🙂 tee hee
Dude. Tone it down. You're normally a reasonable person. I think the argument being made is that too many die in needless, illegal gun deaths. Every gun starts as a legal gun and we don't have a system to make sure they don't fall into the wrong hands.
Doubtful. You're an obvious sock and/or meat puppet. You hide behind a thin veil of internet anonymity. You're not a patriot, you're a zealot, and if you are so as a professional, kudos to you, you've sufficiently riled people up… but if it's just a hobby, you're a sad, scary person.
South Texas Armory I appreciate your response. I'm not sure all of what's been proposed, but closing the gun-show loophole would be a big help to law abiding citizens. The big thing is enforcement, for which funding has been repeatedly stripped. We know a handful of gun dealers are responsible for a huge number of sales that cause crime, death and other problems. We can't even get congress to agree to stop those guys, while keeping the proper dealers in place. Could you share with me what laws have been proposed to curtail legal gun ownership? Thanks!
You people aren’t proving to me that you aren’t demented, I don’t care if you have a security clearance or not. Wood, you really need to take your meds.
Brian White
I am exactly the kind of person you don't want having access to firearms? I'm unstable? Hardly.
I have passed a psych exam and FBI background checks for my security clearance. I've never been in trouble. I've never been violent. What I am, is sick and tired of constant attacks by leftist pansies who think that they are entitled to rights like the 1st Amendment, but MY 2nd Amendment rights are up for debate.
Shall not be infringed Brian. That is strong wording.
To Rfreed & Beckert….
Just like typical leftists pansies you start your "common sense" argument with "“Shut up, dip-shit! You’ve done enough talking for one lifetime, bitch" and then you whine and cry when you get just a little sample of what you're serving back onto your plate. Then you have the gall to PROJECT your anger issues on to me. LOL.
Rfreed, practically every gun-grabber today (example Biden, Feinstein,et al) all say "I own a gun, BUT…." and then continue on to demonize citizens that wish to exercise their 2nd Amend rights. My guns are for sporting, hunting, and for KILLING people who wish to do me harm. Killing is different than your accusation of murder and that's why there are two different words with two different meanings. One of the root MORALl deficiencies of MOST leftists is the inability to distinguish the two.
Beckert, the main reason I'm SCARY to you is that I present logical arguments and responses to your favorite leftist screeds and to which you have no responses for. I'm pretty sure you don't hear such arguments on your daily intake of MSNBC and Media Matters.
Butthurt?. How can we take you seriously John when you hurl these kind of insults?. Next, you’ll be calling Freed a sphincter head and getting all up in his shit.
You got your point across John. You are a person to be feared, not because you own your fair share of weapons, but because you are one scary dude. Two words for ya, Anger Management. Now, catch your breath and then go kick the neighbor’s puppy.
John dear, I don’t really want to enter and take part in whatever picnic you have going on in your head.
Just to ease your mind- A. I am not a liberal. There are points on both sides of the Great Division that I agree with and oppose.
B. I own two guns myself and believe that it is a persons right to own one. But not weapons made for mass murder.
And I think you ought to relax and not take things so seriously. You really are too wound up with this whole thing.
Oh Rfreed is all butthurt and calls us Fascist. Remember you're the one wanting to do all the controlling and laying down new rules and regs. Which of the two sounds like the fascist?
Now LOL at P.Beckert
1) Rfreed wins nothing. He lives in his own little Huffpro leftist universe and he gets the negative feedback he deserves.
2) 2ndA proponents are willing to give up NONE of our rights Get that through your leftist thick skull.
3) You immediately move to the worst of the gun grabber positions by saying you just want to eliminate THE MOST POPULAR rifle in firearms history. Ain't gonna happen.
Here's the answer to the stupid gun grabber question as to "Why do you gun nuts feel you have to have an AR rifle?"
A1) You will notice that at every incident that involves a SWAT team you will see about 2 dozen SWAT guys with AR's with 30 rd magazines all positioned to storm a house with one bad guy in it. They have all chosen a 30rd AR firearm because they think it gives them the best chance to survive the encounter. So if I'm ONE lonely homeowner defending my house from an unknown number of intruders, why doesn't it make PERFECT sense that I should be allowed to arm myself with a 30rd AR firearm to give MYSELF the best chance of survival. Just letting you know that you have no moral or tactical reason as to why I shouldn't have the option to using an AR.
A2) More importantly the 2nd Amend gives me the right to use an AR so you can just bite on it. If you have problems with that, just imagine that I will use it to kill some fetuses that you folks are all so happy to have murdered.
The interesting thing about this angered response to a simple article is what it exposes in the American fabric.
Those toting these attitudes rabidly recognize their second
Amendment rights but loath it when an American exercises his freedom of speech rights as I have. Their attitudes are not even Republican. They are Fascist. They believe theirs is the only voice that should be heard. They believe that their political party is the only one that should exist. And they believe in violence. This is Mussolini Fascism pure and simple.
And yet they believe themselves patriots.
What the hell is wrong with you? When people don't respond to you it's not because you're right, it's because you have a foul mouth and a bad temper. You are exactly the sort of person I don't want having access to firearms. You are clearly unstable.
While I’m at it, I may as add my 2 cents worth in here. If everyone would just calm down for half a minute, especially the NRA, we’d all understand that better gun control laws would benefit both sides of the debate. By allowing bad guys access to guns due to poor and in some instances non-existent screening processes, the bad guys, i.e. those with mental health issues and those who have prior gun violations, find it easier these days to commit their horrific acts, thereby making the NRA look inefficient and willing to allow them to commit these crimes. By sitting down at the table, with both sides willing to give some concessions, we Americans would come off looking more sane, more in control of the issues we want to control. All this talk about our “right” to own firearms I’m sure was never intended to include killing machines such as the rifles used by the folks hired to protect us from the bad guys. You can still keep your handguns by your beds for protection, and you can still have your regular rifles to go hunting with, but no regular American should have access to anything other than that. It is overkill, literally and figuratively.
Fighting like little boys again I see. RFreed has the last laugh cause he got all you all worked up again and for a good cause. Love that he can do that and at the same time get his point across. Since we are hell-bent on all this “win” talk lately, I give RFreed a big “win” on this one. Thank you for all you do to make sure the left voice is heard above the roar of the right voices screaming themselves hoarse.
Brian White By infringing on the rights of law abiding citizens? I don't think so.
LOL…Rfreed confirms (like we needed that) his man-love for Obama by fantasizing for his sainthood.
What a load of liberal shit. You democrats just love the taste of dear leader sack don't you?
You sir, are disgusting! Can’t believe that’s the first thing in your filthy mind. You might want to Google the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes for a clearer frame of reference.
Facts, bro. Facts. It's time to get guns out of the hands of bad guys. Period. Any other opinion is dangerous and the product of a dangerous mind.
To answer your question, no. No I don’t. One bad president does not make me miss a different bad president.
Wow. That’s wrong on so many levels. Or rather, and so many rights. They care about one amendment only. They don’t care about the first or the fourth, both of which are under very serious attack.
You need to go further than getting rid of the “liberal tyrants” because you’re forgetting about the conservative tyrants. Vote them ALL out of office. Clean slate. That’s what we really need.
Rfreed you don't deserve the time for a logical response. You're just some fanboy boot licking obamabot that refuses to entertain anything that isn't fed to him by Axelrod. I'm just laughing at your leftist messiah going down in flames by us dumb gun hicks. Further laughing as Obama keeps pumping up the gun sales year after year and millions more NEW gun enthusiasts being generated as they try out their new AR's and AK's. Most importantly laughing right at YOU!
Dear Chris and others of the same ilk.
Someday I hope you get to experience what a real tyrant is like.
Believe me, you would come back and have Obama canonized as a saint by comparison. You guys are really in an alternative head space with this stuff.
@Tyler Cruise ” It reminds of the sign with Bush’s picture and the caption “Are you missing me yet?”” — To answer your question, no. No I don’t. One bad president does not make me miss a different bad president.
@William Baker “North American Man Boy Love Association, really in the picture?” — You sir, are disgusting! Can’t believe that’s the first thing in your filthy mind. You might want to Google the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes for a clearer frame of reference.
@Chris Carpenter “They are the only ones here fighting for the Rights of citizens.” — Wow. That’s wrong on so many levels. Or rather, and so many rights. They care about one amendment only. They don’t care about the first or the fourth, both of which are under very serious attack.
You need to go further than getting rid of the “liberal tyrants” because you’re forgetting about the conservative tyrants. Vote them ALL out of office. Clean slate. That’s what we really need.
More liberal drool to try and demonize the oldest Civil Rights organization in America.
The NRA is here for all of us. They are the only ones here fighting for the Rights of citizens. Unwavering and undeterred by the liberal media smear campaign. That is what true leadership looks like.
If your Civil Rights are valuable to you, make sure you vote these liberal tyrants out of office. They will destroy this country if we let them. Their only goal is power. They need control over the people and will do whatever it takes to get it.
Gee John Woodie, is that the best response you can give?
Sounds like something you would see written on the wall of a crappy public toilet.
Come back again when you can write something more mature.
So I take it that this is Rfreed's wet dream last night? And after the "click" sound there was the sound of a zipper as Rfreed knelt in front of Barack and pulled out the president's….
The only one acting like a child was Obama after the bill was shot down. And like a child he still believes in the 90% fairy tale.
Omama “let’s” his bad self?
They just keep pushing when all we want is to be left alone.
NAMBLA? North American Man Boy Love Association, really in the picture? A little much…
Funny, until the point that there is more truth than we want to believe. Our leader has already has shown very little respect for "rule of law". It reminds of the sign with Bush's picture and the caption "Are you missing me yet?"