DERRY, NH—Despite repeated warnings from his parents, an area boy kept going cross-eyed, and now his face is stuck that way.
“We warned him,” stated Sheryl Mackey, the mother of the now handicapped-looking child. “We told him if he kept doing it his face would get stuck that way. And it did. Just like we said.”
“I didn’t believe them,” said downtrodden nine-year-old Greg Mackey, his eyeballs spastically twitching inward. “I thought they were just trying to scare me.”
The boy’s Elementary School is considering expelling the now “special” child in fears that the other students will mock him and also have their faces get stuck that way. “We don’t want a school full of cross-eyed freaks,” said the school principal.
In fact, the humiliation has already started, according to the boy’s father, Richard Mackey. “When we’re walking down the streets in our town, people point and laugh. ‘Hey, it’s googly-eyed Greg!’ ‘Hey kid, don’t lose your nose, you’ll have nothing to look at!’ ‘Hey retard, look over here! Oh wait…'”
“Of course it’s a bit hard, as a parent, so standby while your son is getting heckled and ridiculed into a deep and irreversible depression, but it’s what he gets for continually making silly faces,” said the boy’s father.
At press time, Greg was watching television from just inches away, and when asked why, he turned his grotesque stare and said, “I don’t care if my eyeballs fall out now.”