Speaking ex cathedra from the Vatican today, Pope Benedict XVI, in response to the many rumors that God (aka The Almighty, Yahweh, Allah, Bhagwan, etc.) is dead, attempted to clarify the Global situation and put the rumors to rest once and for all.
In an interview with Fr. Guido Sarducci, editor of The Vatican Enquirer, Pope Benny revealed that he had had a long conversation with The Almighty regarding his apparent lack of interest in matters earthly. The Pope stated “God said to me, Benny, you have no idea just how busy we are here in heaven. There is a lot more to worry about than one little blue-green planet in a single universe. You are not the only ones, you know. I made thousands and scattered them around all the dimensions of what you call “time and space”.
Evil abounds in all of them, just like for you, and my old buddy Lucifer (aka Satan) and his minions find their way to each and every one of them. It just makes me tired to have to suit up and go fight these things every day, all day, and into the night. Well The Old Serpent feels the same way, so we decided to have a little truce. You know, take some time off to rest up for the Big Fight that’s scheduled for a couple of years (yours, not mine) from now.”
Pope Benedict went on to say that when he indicated a certain disbelief in the word of Satan, the Almighty said he, too, was not all that sanguine about the veracity of the Devil. “Listen Benny,” God said to me, “I know that he can’t be totally trusted. That is why I’m going to set up a little temporary Committee of Safety while I’m gone on vacation.”
According to the Pope, God is designating four major players in the religion business to control things while He is away. Pope Benedict XVI will be Chairman of the Committee, the Patriarch of Constantinople is to be Vice-Chair, the Archbishop of Canterbury will be Recording Secretary and the Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem will be Treasurer.
When asked why the other major religions were not represented, the Pope indicated that there were some difficulties in making arrangements with them. “The Hindu’s kept asking which god was going on vacation, and why couldn’t another deity just sit in for a while,” the Pope said. “We could not determine who to contact for the Buddhists and some of those strange oriental faiths, and as for the Muslims, the Conference of Ayatollahs sent us a memo stating that Allah did not need a vacation, and in any event, they were unwilling to work with us infidels anyway.”
The Pope went on to say “when I tried to call The Almighty for some clarification, especially on our overall responsibilities, his voice mail said “Sorry I can’t take your call right now, I am on vacation. If you have any questions, feel free to contact Pope Benedict XVI. I’m sure that he will be able to help you. His direct line is: et cum spiri tu tu o. Ciao.” I also got an ‘out of office’ auto-reply from his e-mail, so I guess we are on our own for awhile.”