INDIANAPOLIS – The center of local couple Jeff and Angela Paulson’s universe needed its diaper changing Saturday, after defecating all over its Pampers slip-on.
Even though it is routinely described as the “greatest thing in the world”, the multicellular organism also managed to spill juice all over the newly installed upholstery.
“I asked Jeff if he could take care of it this time, since I had to do it the last three times,” said Mrs Paulson, suggesting that this was not the first occasion on which the entity they fondly refer to as “our beautiful little angel” had pooped its pants. “I took care of the issue on the sofa, though.”
Despite also having the honor of being the light of the couple’s lives, the 2-foot homo-sapien nonetheless frequently stares off into space, drooling incessantly on its chin.
“This little one is more beautiful than all the stars combined,” continued Mrs Paulson, wiping away saliva from the oral area of the 7-month old primate. “Who’s a little cutie? Who’s a little cutie pie? Yes, you are!”
Meanwhile, it is widely expected that in approximately 14 years, the center of the universe will not only expand in size, but will likely go on to develop acne.
Having had such centers of the universe before, this hits awfully close to home… by that I mean "in the next room".