Cents and Sensibility (Though Neither of Either)

Singles seeking sensibility over sexuality crashed newbie dating site Pension Singles just thirty minutes into its Valentine’s Day launch.

Hailed as the middle class man (or woman’s) Millionaires Match, the newbie Internet matchmaker promises quality matches between those who slaved and saved for a work-free future full of cruises, cross-country RV trips and as many cable channels a defined benefit can buy.

“Many state governments have declared war on the traditional pension,” declared Pension Singles founder John Beckett. “With the drying up of wealth created over the long term, stability is the new sexy. Pensions are hot. And two financially solvent people coming together, each bearing an earned pension? Even hotter.”

Pension Singles was back online within an hour of the crash. The site hit one million visitors at the end of the first eight-hour shift.

Beckett, a retired police officer, lamented the loss of the middle class investment tool. “A pension is so much more than saving toward one’s retirement. It’s solid, viable proof of loyalty and commitment. What better qualities to spark a relationship between two hardworking people who just want to have a little fun?”

Sugar daddies or mommas need not apply. Applicants must provide proof of verified pension income. Those without are destined to a sad fate of pension envy.