What began as a school project has brought scandal to a formerly beloved citizen of this quiet Ohio town. Mayfield High School students in Ms. Lander’s AP History class were assigned to interview local war veterans. Young Hillary Pierce chose nursing home resident Al Gunderson.
The pretty brunette was unaware she’d soon be asked to choose between journalistic integrity and participation in a cover-up of massive proportions.
Eighty-nine year old Al Gunderson has long been a treasured fixture of this tight-knit community. Along with now deceased wife Peg Gunderson, he managed ‘Al’s Hardware and Taxidermy Shoppe’ successfully for decades at a location just off the by-pass.
It was always assumed Mr. Al was exactly what he claimed to be; a soft-spoken, elderly man who participated in the D-day invasion and the subsequent battles leading to victory.
Gunderson was one of those veterans who didn’t talk much about the war, but would at times wipe a tear from his eyes in speaking of his ‘buddies’ who didn’t make it home.
Many in this small town wish the tissue of lies had never been unraveled, while acknowledging Hillary Pierce did the right thing. According to Ms. Pierce it became obvious to her very early in the interviews that Gunderson was a faux hero.
“Yeah, like I was asking him the name of the ship he was on, about to land on Normandy Beach. And I asked the name of the Captain of the ship, because Ms. Landers grades on details. He said he didn’t know any of that ‘junk’ since he was too busy being scared. He said he didn’t land at Normandy Beach, he landed at Omaha Beach. Well, Omaha is in Nebraska, not France, so the whole thing sounded pretty fishy to me.”
The attractive brunette next turned to internet archives of military rosters, where she found the ‘smoking gun’ of Al Gunderson’s decades long deception. “He wasn’t there. Some guy name Albert Gunderson got wounded, and was awarded a Bronze Star or something, but nobody named Al Gunderson ever served in WW2.”
The revelations have left some in this small town wondering whether all soft spoken-octogenarians are also big fat liars.
Does anyone have a place to hide a body?
Somewhere discreet, let’s say?
Maybe an unused garden or perhaps an unfinished part of a cellar>
Can someone help a guy out?
Maybe quickly perhaps?
Well, you’re certainly welcome to hang out here whenever it strikes your fancy. Nice seein’ ya.
Hiya P
I was just passin’ so I thought I’d stop by.
Regards
Skoob.
Skoob? Well I’ll be hornswaggled. Took you long enough to find us.
Maybe I’m in a minority here, but I got it.
Excellent piece of satire, in the truest definition of the word.
Regards
Skoob.
Au contraire Mr. White!
In the words of that great philosopher Curly Howard:
“I shoot my arrows in the air. Where they land I do not care. I get my arrows wholesale.”
Lordy LT, your explanation is so painfully wonderful. It’s a shame it’s entirely lost on its target audience.
Oh!
It wasn’t him!
I wonder who that was then that we lynched?
Hopefully no one important!
Thank you Pat for your comments. As an American I privately share the sentiments you’ve eloquently stated.
But as a Journalist, it’s my responsibility to report the news with fairness & balanceness.
The Gunderson story continues to develop. Another student in Ms. Landers’ history class, Larry Mondello, has uncovered a cache of letters with WW2 era postmarks. Handwriting analysis is underway, and Al Gunderson may soon be proved to be Albert Gunderson, war hero.
Glossy News will continue to monitor this developing story, and report any updates with fairness & balanceness.
If you KNOW this article is wrong then DELETE it !!! I am sure it is bringing misery to this man and his family.The people of the WORLD owe so much to this man and his generation. If you have a problem with society and its attitudes then why inflict more pain on some of it’s most vulnerable people ??
and as for reading Glossy news again, no chance !
Thank you for reading my article, and thanks for your comments. I hope you will become regular readers of Glossy News, but I owe you a bit of explanation.
This article is a form of satire; wherein elements of everyday life are broadly exaggerated, to make a point about our culture.
In the article, Ms. Pierce is uninformed and jumps to the wrong conclusions, confidently and loudly. And the entire town of Mayfield is willing to listen to her, as it allows them to believe the worst about someone.
This goes on in our culture all the time on a more subtle scale.
Again, thanks for reading my article, thanks for your comments, and I hope you’ll continue to read Glossy News.
Ooops….
Too late! Someone already got him.
Folks, since this seems to be a common problem on this SATIRE site, maybe the only answer for eternal peace is to lynch the writer.
Yeah, whoever wrote this better have some darn good facts to back it up.
Hope you folks have checked this out properly becuase there seems to be very little if anything to back up these allegations in your report…As the previous comment sayssurely Al is short for Albert AND One of the main landing beaches was code-named “Omaha” there never was a “Normandy beach” and the fact that this “investigation” didnt show that questions more about the investigation than the man being investigated. A comment such as ” Bronze star or something” hardly gives an air of competancy about this.
Have you checked with this gentleman to see what
Army division and regiment he served with ? have you checked with any of the Veteran’s associations?
So where is the proof he was not there? Omaha beach was the code name for for one of the five sectors of the Normandy landings on June 6 of 1944. Furthermore, Al is short for Albert is it not?