Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.
This guy claiming to be the Devil phones and asks that we interview him.
Turns out Satan doesn’t look a bit like I imagined. He’s kinda hot really. He looks like George Clooney sort of. So we’re having dinner with Satan, and this is what he says.
“Everybody is focused on the Gulf Coast oil thing, and I understand that. Trust me. I understand you humans. But I got storm damage here on this Guatemala thing; I want justice. Tropical storm Agatha blew a hole in my roof.”
Lucifer went on to say his insurance policy may have been written by Dick Cheney. “I’ve been around a long time, but I have a flood policy, right? After this huge sinkhole opened up, I read the fine print. I apologize for being angry, but HELL? I’ve got a big hole in the roof of Hell, a place I’m kinda responsible for, right?”
Satan bought another round of drinks and his eyes glowed red as he continued. “They say my flood policy doesn’t cover water damage! You know what’s worse? They’re going ‘Act of God’ on me! You girls should certainly get how that angers me. Look, I’m the Inventor of sin, so, I’ve got these Insurance companies that are better at evil than I am, and a hole in my roof they won’t pay for. And besides that, Ted Bundy and Ivan the Terrible escaped through that hole in my roof! I have to account for these people. Angels do audits every ten years; they’ll cut my funding! So sure, I’m suing the Insurance Company.”
The interview ended with the Devil asking one of your Glossy News correspondents who is a total slut, had she ever driven a Ferrari. If any of you see Consuela Lopez, please tell her Satan is a total player, so come home.
….cool!! 🙂 “Act of God” huh!!