Mt. Clemens, MI – With the cold weather approaching, there have been quite a few Bigfoot sightings in the Mt. Clemens area, the most recent occurring last Sunday behind the local Buffalo Wild Wings Grill and Bar out on 15 Mile Road in Clinton Township. Officer Stan Down was called to the scene by BWW employee, Lou Klively, who was visibly shaken by what he saw.
“Yeah, I was goin’ out there to throw out the trash like I always do, and about this time I seen this big hairy thing not more’n 10 feet from me take off into the woods right over there,” he said pointing to a thicket of bushes and trees that line a creek area just west of the strip mall.
While it was hard for Klively to give a complete description of the person or thing that he saw, he is almost 100% positive it was one sort of Bigfoot or another. Said Klively, “now I know it weren’t no Yeti cause they live up in the mountains or something, and I can’t say for sure if it was a Sasquatch or a Skunk Ape, cause although it did smell a bit out here, that coulda been the rancid butter sauce I threw out earlier. So I’m gonna go with saying I’m 99% sure it was just your average run-of-the-mill Bigfoot.”
Officer Down, during his investigation, found what he first thought might be human finger bones, cracked at the knuckles, but upon closer examination, he determined they were, in fact, chicken bones. Bigfoot creatures are known to like marrow and, during the colder months especially, it is an essential part of their diet. However, over on the other side of the dumpster there appeared to be half of a larger than human footprint in a puddle of bleu cheese dressing, obviously spilled by the creature when he was startled by Klively. “Yeah, he was out here having himself a meal alright,” said Officer Down. “The only thing missing was the crudité platter.”
Willow Creek, CA Bigfoot expert, Homer Dickson III, son of Dick Dickson, one of the most famous Bigfoot hunters in the country, is flying out next week to investigate the sighting and see if he can locate any more information about this particular band of Bigfeet that seem to be living very close to the BWW. According to Dickson, sightings of Bigfoot creatures are up all over the country.
“When times are lean for America, that means, they are lean for all creatures. With fewer Americans having the time or the money to camp out in the woods, these creatures are being forced to forage for food where they would not normally do so, i.e. in dumpsters behind strip malls. There have been a rash of sightings over in Kings Mill out behind the Walmart over there and we’re gonna investigate those sightings as well while we’re in Michigan,” he said.
The mayor of Mt. Clemens, Barb D. Empsey, welcomes the Dicksons with open arms. “Folks around here have been on edge, claiming they’re seeing things and wondering if they’ll be next to run into one of these Bigfeet creatures. Although, we can’t be sure they exist, it can’t hurt to have these guys come out here with their chrome magnonmeters and their electronosphincters to test the area for possible infestation. Until they give the all clear, I’m urging all Mt. Clemens citizens to stay in their homes and only go out at night if absolutely necessary.”
wow
Dang – & I was just there – only a 1/2 mile from my place. Maybe he’ll come down the creek and stop have a bite at my new patio set – I make my own killer blue cheese dip. I do realize I will have to keep my cats in.
gotta luv it c
and yet – when I was 16 years old, in Michigan – out on the ice out on a lake, I had a one on one confrontation with a Bigfoot….
😉
Truth IS stranger than fiction.
I really got sucked into this article! Good read and funny too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeUIxlrE-fA
I’m sure if a study were done, it would show that the majority of reported bigfoot sightings come from over-zealous, blonde bigfoot investigators, but I don’t want to start any rumors.
Thanks for the compliment, we study the people of bigfootery who are real and vastly more entertaining than the beast itself.
The clues you left to this being a humor article were clear to anyone who was not suffereing from bigfoot fever, I would not have a pang of guilt. Sounds like it was a multipurpose trip, think of it as contributing to the tourism revenues of Mi.
And thanks for the traffic, subscriptions and reads were up after the mention.
I just had to chime in on this. Click on Bigfootery and follow the “post” and “story” links when you get a chance. This is just too funny to pass up. Thanks Bigfootery Enquirer for taking this to the next level. The photos are priceless.
And for the record, I do feel just a tad bad for being the person who led the bigfoot investigator on that wild chase. LOL
Dear Raven,
The fact that you found us is a testament to your tracking skills.
No problem about the posting. It’s when you don’t believe us right off the bat that we think our work here is shoddy.
No apologies necessary. Keep up the good work.
You weren’t being silly, Raven, you just didn’t read the story. Don’t feel bad about it, some of our most loyal readers never get past the first paragraph. Heck, I’ve approved and published over 450 articles since the 3rd week of September and I’m not even literate, so you’re doing okay.
More importantly, if you’re looking for bigfoot, you’re doing the Lord’s work, assuming Jesus hunted yeti, which is an assumption I’ve always worked under.
Bigfoot, as elusive as the person who doesn’t realize it’s satire. Shall we tell her, or should we just let her follow the bleu cheese dip tracks and chicken bones?
“chrome magnonmeters” & “only go out at night”
too too precious PB
But then, what else to expect in Mt. Clemens?
bz