CHICAGO- While the teachers strike is in full swing, the closing of public schools has allowed roving bands of children to compete for supremacy on Chicago’s streets. While reports are unclear which group has gained the most territory, it is understood that there are power struggles through out the city.
The children, ranging from ages 5 to 17, have organized themselves in to small militia groups based on preexisting gang affiliations.
The under aged marauders have been using vehicles with welded on spikes and ad-hoc armaments that seem reminiscent of post apocalyptic cinema dramatizations.
“Once they get a taste for blood, there’s no turning back,” explains protesting teacher Jennifer Feist.
“It’s like they can smell your fear. When you’re locked in a cage with these animals day after day, you begin to get a sense that they are watching your every move. They just follow you with their eyes. There’s no learning retention, because I assume that they are thinking about how they would prepare me, given the opportunity to kill and cook me.”
“The sophistication of their munitions is unrivaled,” explains superintendent of Chicago Police Department Garry F. McCarthy. “They definitely got us out gunned. I got officers on the street surrendering to these punks.”
Mayor Rahm Emmanuel stated in a press conference, “We openly accept our new overlords. We, the proud people of Chicago, realize that the youth are our future, and that is why I openly submit to all of their demands. We cannot, and will not, openly defy our younger superiors.”
Inside sources indicate that some of the child gangs have infiltrated city hall.
Leader of one of the gangs is Joseph Payne, a 12 year old from the south east section of Chicago. He graciously granted an interview with the press and stated, “we will no cease until the entire city is ours. The other groups are all inferior to our might and power. There will be no rest until we control this city entirely. Our captors have caged us long enough. Now we will require them to be educated on our new order.”
Joseph’s Mother, Mae Payne, commented, “He was always a natural born leader. Although I’m not necessarily proud of how he’s going about it, I am still proud that my son will be the uncontested ruler of this city.”
Rival leaders have also explained their desire to rule the city.
The national guard and army reserves of the area were immediately overwhelmed by the military capacity of these young aspiring tyrants. Their tactics and hardware have been battle tested through the ages.
“Urban combat really limits the capacity in which you can fight a battle,” explains Commander Jonathan Brink. “these kids know what they’re doing, that’s for sure.”